Dasha Bond and I discuss the evolution of D/s relationships, the meaning of service, and what it’s like being a Mommy Domme.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Hi. My name is Danielle Blunt, and I’m here with Dasha Bond. I have been working as a prodomme for 12 years largely based out of New York City. I’d love to hear a little bit about yourself and your work, Dasha.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I was born in Ukraine. I’ve lived in the States for quite a long time. When I moved out of my parents’ house and moved to London is when I got exposed to more of the kink scene, and I almost immediately became a sex worker. Started off as a sugar baby and that just transformed into escorting. Then, the pandemic hit, and now everything I do is online or personal. It’s been quite a wild journey, but it’s been a lot of fun.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Awesome. I’m curious for the kink part of your both personal and professional life. How did you know you were interested in kink? Is it something you’ve always known or how are you like, “That’s the thing for me?”
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I remember when I first lost my virginity. This one guy, he spanked my ass one time once and I just remember I went a week thinking about it and I was like, “I like that.” I thought it was just funny. I never really explored it until I got older because I just had so many responsibilities growing up, but then the summer before I moved out, I decided to really explore. So then, I started dating a lot more with the intention of having sex a lot. Every single person that I met happened to just be kinkier and slightly more kinkier than the last. It was very incremental, but they all gauged where I was at.
Dasha Bond: First off, when I look back on it it just seemed super healthy. They were definitely all really respectful and it was very, very comfortable, but then when I look back on it it’s like all the different things that I did, they all pushed my boundaries a little bit, and I was able to really explore all that, but as a sub. That’s something I really like is having that perspective of being submissive because it’s not something I enjoy that much anymore, but I still have that and I’m able to put myself in the shoes of my subs when I’m dominating them.
Dasha Bond: Honestly, they are the best dommes because they completely understand what their sub is going through whereas I think someone who’s always just been dominant, they probably don’t have as much … I don’t know. They can’t gauge it as well I think what their sub is going through, and sometimes they might not even understand when they’re more at a breaking point and they need those safe words and things like that as opposed to being able to understand their body language and things like that.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Totally. Yeah. I feel very similarly. The sex that I was having when I was younger was kinky without having any of the language to talk about it as kinky. I always say my first truly kinky experience was when I was cybersexing online when the internet was new for me when I was younger.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I was cybersexing and I would pretend to be older than I was and more developed than I was, and then I would get men right to the edge of orgasm and then be like, “I’m just an old man jerking off in my mom’s basement,” and then I would shut off the computer, log off and that’s when I would masturbate. I wasn’t like, “That’s called orgasm denial and humiliation.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah. No. I love that.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: There’s this whole community that’s totally down for this, but I had no idea what I was doing other than the fact that I felt super powerful and really high.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: When I started having sex, there was always some sort of power dynamic that was present, whether I was giving up some power in some way or I was going after someone unattainable or if I was into people being obsessed with me and being the unattainable object, but I really didn’t have language for it until a friend of mine went to a lecture about BDSM and was like, “I would be real cruel if I didn’t tell you that this was a thing.” I didn’t have any of the search terms. I would just find porn where the woman was more dominant in vanilla type sex scenarios and I would just watch it over and over again. I’d watch her kind of pin him down and hot, hot, and just have no language for what I wanted to see.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I like the gear and I like the aesthetics, but it’s always much more about the DS dynamics that are present, and I found that-
Dasha Bond: 100%.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: -was really hard to come by.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. No. I agree. I think sometimes it can be a little bit difficult when you don’t have that terminology because you’re unsure of what exactly you’re into, and it can be a little bit hard. Also, to find other people, which I think is a really big part of this community. Yeah. I completely see where you’re coming from. My best friend, she is asexual, but she reads so much, at least a book a day, and she would read these novels on BDSM every day. She goes through phases and she just went through maybe six months of just BDSM. It was very hardcore too. What she always would do is she just sends me little excerpts. She’s like, “Read this, read this, read this.” It would be like every day I would have a chapter to read. She’d be like, “Read this. You’d like this, you’d like this, you’d like this.” She was just so intrigued by it and she’d be like, “I know for a fact you’d be good at this.” She’s like, “Oh, my God. Look at this. This is so crazy to me.”
Dasha Bond: I think that’s also something that kind of got me into it because it was just every single day in my face. I was like, “This is actually really cool.” It was less so about me turning me on. It was just really being able to learn about the terminology and things like that.
Dasha Bond: When I was able to actually start to live those things out, that’s when it became a turn on and it became a lot more obvious. It increased that dynamic and things like that, and I loved it from there and I have ever since.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: That’s amazing. I remember when I learned about it I went to my college, university library and I went to the stacks and took out all of the books, and whenever I’d bring guys home from the bar, there would just be a very intimidating stack of BDSM literature on my bed, and they would just look at the books, look at me, look at the books and like, “Oh, fuck.”
Dasha Bond: I would have that all the time when I would see people more vanilla especially when I was a sugar baby. If they ever came over to my house, which I really didn’t like people doing. I always felt like it was so sacred, but when they did come over it would be a dildo on the wall and a ball gag and a spider gag, and then my latex and things like that. They’d be looking at me and then be like, “What’s going on?” From the conversation we had, this is going to be very vanilla, and then they walk into this and then they see all of these things and they’re like, “What did I walk into?”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: That’s my favorite.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I love it.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I love to play the girl who you go home with and you’re like, “Oh, fuck. Oops.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah. 100%. Because you’re adding this shock factor, especially when you tone it back and you’re just like, “I’m going to see where this goes.” You know what I mean? So you just tend to be a little bit more vanilla, and then they get home and they’re like, “Are you going to shock me with a cattle prod or something?”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: If you ask nicely.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. Exactly.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I feel like so much of, speaking of switching, both of us sounds like have experience in switching. I trained at a old guard BDSM leather house where you earn your leathers, you train from the bottom up, and I think that there’s a lot that I find really interesting about this classical BDSM old guard training, and a lot that I’m like, “I don’t want to replicate that in my future relationships.” I have different feelings about consent and negotiation, but having those experiences switching in more intentional ways, I feel like there’s so much about heteronormative sex that is playing with power, but since it’s aligned with heteropatriarchy, it’s not seen as kinky.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I completely agree.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Straight friends whose boyfriend chokes them, but they’re like, “That’s not kinky,” or who’s always on top or is fucking her like she’s an object and they’re both getting off of that.
Dasha Bond: Yes. The thing that I hate about that is because what they’re doing is they’re not seeing it’s kinky, so they are completely excluding themselves from that conversation.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah.
Dasha Bond: They’re avoiding communication. So then, I hear these people and they’re like, “I like to spank girls. I like to choke them. I like to do these things.” I’m just like, “Okay,” but I’m like, “That’s … I remember, when I used to talk to people when I was younger, I would just hear them … When they’re talking about sex they’d had before they’re like, “I just try it out.” I’m like, “You’re putting your hand on someone’s neck and you didn’t ask them if that’s okay?” In my head I’m like, “That’s such a red flag.” They’ll just try to see if they like it.
Dasha Bond: If the girl’s like, “What are you doing?”, then they won’t do that, and they’re like, “But if she would moan a little bit more, and I’m like, “The fact that you’re gauging whether or not someone likes something from if they’re moaning a little bit more or a little bit less, that makes this so uncomfortable.” Honestly, it just makes me so uncomfortable in my skin. If I think of someone doing that to me, oh, my God, they die. No. I’d be like, “You can’t do that without asking.” It just crazes me that so many people do these types of things, especially, especially hetero couples. They’ll do all these things that are kinky, and then they’ll backtrack and be like, “That’s not kinky.” They’re like, “Everyone does that.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s just assumed.
Dasha Bond: Yes.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Or to think any form of sex is assumed to be happening at any time.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Interestingly, you were talking about your friend who’s asexual because one of my partners that I have now used to think that she was asexual until she figured out what BDSM was.
Dasha Bond: Interesting.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Sex on its own is just completely uninteresting to her. The only time that she is sexually aroused is when there’s a power dynamic. She’s like, “It took me so long to figure that out.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah. 100%. I think something about sexuality though is it is so fluid. You could be asexual, and then later on realize, “You know what? There was a big piece of this puzzle that I did not realize and actually I’m not because I realized I actually like this.” I see my sexuality changing all the time.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah.
Dasha Bond: Something that I realized since I transitioned from full service sex work to now almost entirely online is how much I don’t really like switching and how much I enjoy being a domme, but it’s also made me realize how boring penetrative sex is for me. Whenever a man tries to dirty talk and they’re like, “I want to fuck you,” I’m like, “No. I want to fuck you.” I’m like, “I don’t want that.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I hate that when a man says, “I want to fuck you,” means that you’re getting penetrated instead of them.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. Something about that … I remember, I was having this conversation with a sodomite, and he was just like, “Does it even feel comfortable that in the 21st century men dominate you?” I’m like, “A little bit.” Something about it seems off. The thing is there are times with certain people where I’m just like, “You know what? Yeah. I want to be kind of vanilla. I want me being penetrated.” It’s so rare though, but I will want it, and I think that’s me wanting more of the intimacy with that person and allowing them to do that, but as of late, when I think about sex I completely think about dominating someone, humiliating them and certain little tasks within that and I’m like, “This just popped in my head and I want to do this with them.” That in itself is thrilling and also it’s just exciting, and then it turns me on. That’s what I think of it.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: The intimacy too, of being not just this one action that ends once someone comes. I think this is also why orgasm controls so much is because heteronormative sex typically ends when the dude comes. It’s like, “Okay. Cool. We’re done. I can’t do anything with this apparatus, so I guess our intimacy is now over for the evening. Goodbye. Good night.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I feel like it’s a norm, and I’m like, “Most of my partners never get to come. Only Mistress gets to come.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah. Same with mine.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: You can earn an orgasm, but it’s fucking hard and it’s expensive, and you better make it worth my while. The only way that I truly enjoy penetrative sex is if I’m using someone like a human dildo, which I actually do love, but that’s why it’s never made sense to me being like, “Yeah. They fucked me.” It’s like, “No. Wait. I fucked them.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Even with my partners who are wearing a strap-on, and I’m like, “I really want to fuck you,” and they’re like, “I don’t like being penetrated,” I’m like, “Who said anything about penetrating you? Why are you making these assumptions based on that?”
Dasha Bond: Exactly.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s very frustrating.
Dasha Bond: No. I completely agree with you. Something that I really can’t stand when it comes to more heteronormative sex and the word intimacy is two things really. It’s the woman being penetrated and cuddling. I’m like, “Cuddling does not mean you’ve been intimate.” It can.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah.
Dasha Bond: I’m like, “Same with penetrative sex.” It’s just something that drives me crazy because a lot of the times I’ll see that with a person and they think that they’ve taken care of their aftercare if they just cuddle for five minutes and they’re done. That’s something I experienced more when I was younger. I would see that all the time and I’m just like, “I’m just going to leave. I’m fine. Thanks.” I see that all the time. Now, when I am taking care of my sub, something that is super important to me is creating some form of intimacy within it that’s not … I view the sex and the BDSM and the play and everything separate from that, and you kind of incorporate it. I’ve realized though when I touch a man in certain places more intimately …
Dasha Bond: I remember I was in the shower and I was washing this guy after we were done, and I touched his armpits and he was so uncomfortable because you’re touching a man in a place that they normally aren’t being touched, and also in a non-sexual way. They get kind of shocked by it. That’s something that in itself really speaks to the fact that when people are having very vanilla sex, they don’t incorporate intimacy enough, and then when you actually show that to someone, it’s a shock. They really don’t know how to take it sometimes. I’ve experienced that with myself too. I remember on a first date some guy decided to massage me. There may have been a sexual aspect to it, but the fact that he touched me in a non-sexual way, I was shocked.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: You feel taken care of.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. Exactly. That’s something I like to show my subs too is that I am taking care of them, at the same time abusing them.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I have very Mommy Domme vibes from the shower scene you’re describing.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. A lot of my subs call me Mommy.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah.
Dasha Bond: Most of them call me Mommy because-
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I picked that up without you even telling me.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. That’s really the dynamic.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: A lot of mine do call me Mommy as well.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. It’s cute.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Momma Blunt. It’s my nickname.
Dasha Bond: I love that.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I feel like people’s idea of what intimacy can be so, so limited. In a BDSM session, I feel like it just … Every interaction can be a point of intimacy. I don’t think of my practice as these are the tools … I don’t like sessions or scenes where I’m like, “These are the tools that I’m going to use on you.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I’m fine with you telling me the tools that work for you to get you into this certain head space. I’m not obsessed with certain toys besides whips, but that’s never my intention to do X, Y and Z in a scene.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: My intention is to create spaces for radical vulnerability and intimacy and for me to indulge my sadism.
Dasha Bond: Yes.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It doesn’t sound like either of us are particularly the stereotype of the archetypal cold stone top who’s completely unapproachable. There is some of those mommy comforting vibes. I love that. I love creating this space for someone to break down within a scene and we can put them back together again after that happens. Being able to facilitate that for people is just such a beautiful thing to watch and that people trust me with that and come to me to see me, to be like, “Break me, Mommy.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: And let me put the pieces back together again is so much more interesting to me than just penetrative sex.
Dasha Bond: 100%. I completely agree with you. Something that I can confidently say is that I am a good domme. I know that because I’m able to create that same type of environment where they feel safe enough for them to give me that trust. That’s the most important thing. I think there is some power in being submissive because I can’t domme you if you’re not letting me in.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Right.
Dasha Bond: It’s really, really difficult to domme someone if they don’t want to be dommed.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s so uninteresting. Do you not like playing with brats?
Dasha Bond: I do like playing with brats. I do, but at the same time most of my subs tend to be quite obedient, but I do love a brat. I’m a brat. I realized part of the reason why I was a brat as a sub is because I was like, “I want to be on top.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It was an actual power struggle.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I also do really love power play when I’m with someone that I’ve known for a while because I think it’s really fun and really raw. Again, that’s something that I let that person see because they were able to earn my trust and I was able to feel more vulnerable with them. That’s so important though in a scene. If they don’t feel like they can be vulnerable with you, then there’s no real point. You’re not going to be able to engage with them the way that you’d like to.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Right. Yeah. It makes so much sense and it’s also why I love in D/s relationships and dynamics where they’re ongoing. I’ve never been someone who’s interested in pickup play or I’m going to go to the club and have this hot spanking scene. I’ll do that with friends because it feels like an extension of my relationship with them rather than with the person that I’m playing with who I’ll never see again. That’s much less interesting to me than where you can go. I have regulars who’ve been seeing me for years. I have one client who’s been seeing me for eight years and then another one who’s been seeing me very regularly for five years. What we’ve been able to do in those five years …
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Right now, I’m thinking of my favorite boy, my human footstool who just loves … He’s obsessed with my feet, my moneymakers. He would come to see me every weekend for a few hours for the last five years, and every time he’d come in and he would say two words to me, undress and go to his place, and then I would sit on my phone and put my feet on him. The moment my feet landed on him, he was instantly transported into the most beautiful, juicy sub space. Part of me is like, “Man, I’m jealous that that’s what your brain does and can shut off for four hours at a time like that.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah. It’s that simple, right?
Mistress Danielle Blunt: You have something that you love that much in life.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s just so beautiful and moving to me watching that relationship evolve over time and hearing him share more fantasies with me and watching how our sessions have changed over the course of five years. I also love that he loves objectification and being ignored is also really hot to me, and then it’s just some attention. You’re just kind of there. You’re there when I remember.
Dasha Bond: Exactly. Yeah. That’s something I tell all my subs. I’m like, “You have to continuously message me on occasion, or else I’ll forget about you.” I make that known. I’m like, “You have to show me attention, or I will forget about you because I will never message you first.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah.
Dasha Bond: I drill that into their heads. I’m like, “Or else, you’re not going to get any attention from me.” I know that’s going to kill them. I do the exact same thing. No. I love that. Personally, every time that I go into any type of session, even if it’s with someone completely new, I treat it with my space that it is going to be an ongoing thing, even though sometimes it’s not which is a shame because I completely agree with you. I want something where I continuously see them evolve and I see the progress that they’ve made, but also the progress that I helped create. For me, sometimes I get really sad actually.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I do too. I’m such a baby.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I meet them one time and then I don’t see them again, and I’m just like, “But I saw them do this.” I feel like honestly I just nurtured them and I created this, and then it doesn’t happen and I’m like, “I had so many plans for us.” It gets me so sad. Yeah. No. It’s definitely something that’s in my head from the very beginning is like I treat it as if this is going to last for years.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I say something like that on my website, which is please don’t fill out my contact form if you don’t have the intention of an ongoing relationship. No one’s ever written reviews about me really because I don’t see hobbyists, the people who want to see everyone, because I’m very adamant on my website. High stakes. I don’t want to talk to you unless it’s how I want it to be. I also like very much knowing we might not find chemistry and that’s totally fine, and I can find chemistry with most people, but I think something that people forget is that it’s very rare that your first session is going to be your best. You’re just getting to know someone. Dommes aren’t mind-readers. You’re probably holding a whole bunch of shame or feelings around your desires, especially if you aren’t super sure of what you want and figuring it out.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Really, it can only get better.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It can only get better. Of course, if it’s a bad fit, fuck it. There’s people that I just don’t click with and I’m not into what they’re into and they shouldn’t see me again.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I was talking to someone about this. Honestly, it’s kind of like finding a therapist because you can go through so many different therapists and you don’t find that chemistry, and then all of a sudden you find one and you click and you’re able to actually be able to talk to them freely. It’s the same thing I think in my head.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: If you want to actually move through things, and I very much do believe that BDSM allows you this space to move through parts of your sexuality and process things on a sematic level. If you’re seeing a different therapist every week, you’re never going to get deep.
Dasha Bond: 100%.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s a way to avoid the work almost.
Dasha Bond: Yes.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Thinking about that feeling that we’re both talking about when someone sees us and we have a great session together and then we’re like, “Where did this person go?”
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I have a little bit of a hard time with online work because I feel like people really … There’s this anonymizing factor or pseudonymous factor where people can just expel things that they’ve never shared with anyone before, and then just delete their account and fucking bounce. I’m like, “That was still real for me.” I was real, I witnessed you, I was there for that, and it’s very weird for me to have that happen. It’s something that I’m still not used to.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I know. It’s a lot more abrupt than if it was in person.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. Personally, I make it very, very, very known on my OnlyFans. I’m like, “Please contact me at any point, whether you want to talk to me sexually, whether you want to talk to me personally. I don’t care.” I try and let them know that. I’m like, “If you want to sit there and talk to me about how was my day, take advantage of that subscription.” I had this one sub in particular who talked to me I think every single day for a month, two months, maybe even three months. Out of nowhere, gone.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah.
Dasha Bond: He’s gone. I felt so betrayed, so betrayed. He tried to reach out to me on Twitter. It was like he commented under something, and I was like, “Fuck you.” I was so angry and I felt so hurt. I’m like, “The fact that we sat here, we talked, all this.” And it didn’t get sexual sometimes. I think I really helped him explore his sub side because I don’t think he’d done that in person with anyone. I’m like, “The fact that we had all of this chemistry, and then you’re just gone.” I was so angry. After he tried to reach out to me on Twitter and I basically just started humiliating him like, “You’re a fucking loser. I can’t believe you did that.” He blocked me. He’s gone.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: When it got real.
Dasha Bond: Shit got real. Yeah. 100%. It is sad because the transition between an online thing and an in-person thing is so different, it really is. You’re incorporating similar aspects, but … Sorry.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: In pickup play, I’ll negotiate and I would like to hear from you the next day. I don’t want to play with you unless you’re going to check in with me even if you’re not okay, even if I did something bad or we need to … I accidentally crossed a boundary or something which is never my intention to do, but I also think just goinginto play assuming that you won’t fuck up is a huge fuck up in and of itself.
Dasha Bond: Yes.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I think being able to resolve conflict also allows you to move forward. It reminds me of the conversation we were having about seeing a therapist. I know so many people who are like, “I don’t like that my therapist did this,” which isn’t a huge boundary violation or anything terrible. They’re like, “I’m going to find a new one.” I’m like, “Maybe that’s part of … I can speak on my own working through a conflict with a therapist from you was incredibly transformative because it was reflective of a lot of … The ways that I related in other relationships. My background is also in psychology, so it’s not like I’m a practicing psychologist who’s bringing that to a session, so I do have my BA in psychology, and it lends itself to the work that I do. I think thinking of points of conflict, of course I’m not talking about if someone’s intentionally crossing your boundaries or someone’s being abusive.
Dasha Bond: Yes.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: There will be missteps.
Dasha Bond: Of course.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Two people can’t read each other’s mind, and maybe they say”I didn’t want that,” and you’re like, “Okay, cool,” and the scene continues, but being able to check in about that feels so important to me.
Dasha Bond: So important. The thing is sometimes you can’t do that on the internet because they may just get that bad feeling and then just ghost. That can happen, especially when it is so anonymized. They can really just block you off the platform and you’re done. That in itself does make me uncomfortable because I want to be able to check in on them. In person, the other thing is you can almost always gauge when you have overstepped and you can be like, “Hey, let’s talk about that for a second, and then we can continue, or we can just stop or continue this at another time because clearly something’s really upset someone.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Right. The fact that you’re getting from someone’s body language.
Dasha Bond: Exactly. Yes. Exactly. You’re losing that when it is online, unless of course it’s on a video or something like that. Even then, you’re definitely losing aspects that are super important to most subs when you do it online.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah.
Dasha Bond: I struggle with that sometimes.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s different. It’s a different thing.
Dasha Bond: It is different.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I feel like a lot of my personal play that I do is about … Just having been in the BDSM scene for years and playing as a femme domme and exploring my dominance and female-led relationships, a lot of mommy play, a lot of it for me comes down to attunement. In the beginning, we were talking about creating spaces for vulnerability and intimacy to happen in these non-heteronormative ways. I feel like so much of it is seeing someone and having them see themselves be seen in this incredibly vulnerable state. There are so few places in our life that we’re actually sitting there one on one having a conversation. I’m actually thinking about it right now. It’s just even in the pandemic it’s rare that you find time for those one on one.
Dasha Bond: Yes.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: That’s what I find most rewarding and what I find most challenging about online work. I love when people book one on one for tool sessions with me or one on one coffee chat, but for me it’s really about that attunement and being able to read the other person and meet that need. I think at some point, it can feel like your mind is being read when you’re in that juicy flow state and it’s going really well.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: That’s something that I really miss.
Dasha Bond: No. I completely agree with you. I have never identified as being very extroverted or a partier or things like that because in my head always I thought I just get so much more out of a relationship interaction, whatever it is, if it is one on one and I’m having that communication and it’s consistent. It’s definitely something that is a little bit more difficult when things are online, especially depending on how you’re doing it. If everything’s through text, you’re losing so much. All you have are words. That makes it a lot more difficult in terms of really figuring out where that person is. What are you going to say? Your text sounded angry? Well, it could, but you don’t entirely know.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Your emoji usage.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. It’s important.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I feel like we have a lot of similarities. I feel very similarly. I always host my own parties because I can organize it in a way where there’s more opportunities for one on one interaction.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: That reminded me for my 30th birthday, everyone told me it was the most Leo thing that they’d ever heard, but for me I just wanted one on one time with my friends, so I made everyone … This is a very Leo thing. I can’t deny it. One of my submissives was hosting a happy hour in the other room, and then I set up a chair and I received guests one on one and I made everyone have one on one year-end reviews with me who came to my party. I was in the separate room doing one on one year-end reviews with my friends, which was just really chill and just a really nice time to show gratitude for friendship. That’s where I thrive in those one-on-one environments. I came out and then I had already had all of that because I had so many experiences of hosting where I didn’t even get to say hi to my favorite people, but I really wanted to be like, “Okay. If I’m going to host, I want to talk to everyone one-on-one first.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah. No. I completely agree with you. I feel the same way because you are actively showing effort, and they’re also getting that back, and it’s so much more rewarding. I completely agree. Honestly, that in itself sounds like a really, really interesting party and being able to do that because for someone like me, that would appeal to me.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah.
Dasha Bond: But it doesn’t appeal to everyone. The thing is a lot of the times when I hear people who are like, “I’d rather be in a crowd,” you’re running late for something. I don’t know what it is. You hate confrontation, whatever it is, and you are running away from something.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I would personally like that. I love one-on-one things. Something that I avoid is group play because I don’t like having too many people at once, especially because a lot of those times when it is group play there tends to be a stranger involved. I hate that. I hate not knowing who they are, I hate not having … Talk to them about what they like, what their experiences, what their limits are, things like that. I’m like, “I don’t feel comfortable doing this. I don’t feel comfortable stepping on some kind of boundary that I didn’t know about.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Right.
Dasha Bond: Things like that. That’s something that makes me really uncomfortable. Recently, something that I’ve been seeing is a lot of my subs really, really like forced bi, which I wasn’t that surprised. I’ve been seeing it more. Within that, I’m like, “Okay. Well, if we were to incorporate a second guy or another sub of mine, I want to have had a separate session with the two of them that I could work my way up to that and make sure that they’re both comfortable doing that, and then do that.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Things can go really wrong.
Dasha Bond: I’m sure they can. That’s my biggest fear. I don’t want to traumatize someone.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Not even that. Just someone being like, “Actually, I don’t want this at all.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s the fantasy.
Dasha Bond: It’s just a fantasy. They’re like, “It was the fact that I’m doing something to serve you. That was it.” And now we’re here and there’s someone else of the same sex as me and I’m freaking out. I want them to be able to tell me that.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I feel like it’s also part of people not knowing the difference between fantasy and reality. Sometimes, it goes great.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Sometimes amazing. I like to play with forced bi because I won’t do it with someone unless they admit that they actually just want to suck a dick because they want to suck a dick.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I feel that way all the time too. I’m like, “Can you just say it?”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I’m like, “Mm-hmm (affirmative).” I do the same with feminization. I don’t do humiliating feminization play. It’s the same with forced bi. I’m like, “Do you think it’s humiliating to suck a dick? If I’m sucking your dick, is it humiliating if I put your cock in my mouth? Would that be humiliating?”
Dasha Bond: I’m exactly the same way. I hate, hate, hate turning someone into a sissy and then them feeling like that’s some way disgusting or to humiliate them in that. I don’t do that. It makes me so uncomfortable to begin with. It’s the same thing with forced bi. I don’t event like the term forced bi.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. What have I been calling it? I have a blog post about it somewhere that’s just like just accept your desire to want to suck a dick, God damnit.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I’m like, “Okay. It doesn’t mean you’re gay necessarily or that you’re even bi, but you want to suck a dick.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Or maybe it does.
Dasha Bond: Or maybe it does. That’s the other thing. It might 100%. Those are some really … What’s the word? Sensitive topics, but I think some dommes don’t entirely realize, but I’m like, “I don’t want to further facilitate the objectification of women or fetishizing a sexuality,” things like that. I want to make sure that the entire time I’m also yelling. Something that I always yell at subs is when they call their penis a clit, I yell at them all the time. I’m just like, “You did not earn the right to have a vagina actually. I have one. I’m lucky. You, no.” It’s just really small. Or you have a barbie little thing. I’m like, “No.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I like the idea of making them earn the right.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I feel like I have a lot of people who have been coming to see me less for small penis humiliation stuff, which that I totally get, but who are trans and non-binary. The people who have seen me started seeing me for cross-dressing purposes. I think it’s really interesting that being dressed as a woman made them feel submissive enough to have receptive sex that they had to feel submissive to have receptive sex–
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: –or get fucked or whatever, and that being feminized, it wasn’t that it was humiliating or even necessarily made them feel submissive, but just made them feel less dysphoric so that they felt comfortable being intimate, which I always find so interesting.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Especially in the last three years that people have been seeing me for gender play have been really open and fluid in a really fun way.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. No. 100%. For me, that’s so rewarding when you see that within someone, that you trigger something, you say a specific thing, you have them do a specific thing or act something out, and all of a sudden you just see them awakened. They’re like enlightened and they feel so much more comfortable being able to do something. That’s so, so rewarding, and I love seeing that.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I love that. I had this, right before the pandemic, this really interesting session. His session inquiry was basically, “I have a fear of flying. Can we work through that in session?” I was like, “Fuck if I know, but let’s give it a good old-fashioned try.” He got on a plane and was able to fly for the first time in his life after the session just playing with his autonomic nervous system and the fight or flight and fear arousal situation and doing guided meditations while receiving pain. I just think it’s so interesting that he chose that as the path to get there.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. That is super interesting, especially as a psychology student because that’s exposing yourself to that kind of fear, but in a very different way than someone would normally advise someone to do, but I love that. I really do.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It was therapy of sorts.
Dasha Bond: Yes. Of sorts. Yeah. I do really like that if someone is able to figure out on their own. They’re like, “This is the best way that would help me get over this.” Again, I’m sure that must’ve been really rewarding to be able to see that because they got over something like that, which is big. I went on my first plane when I moved to America from Ukraine and I was six years old. I’ve gone in at least 100 planes by now. In my head, it was just something I was exposed to for so little. I’ve flown a plane and I love doing that.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: That’s amazing.
Dasha Bond: It was a lot of fun. My stepsister had 60 hours of flying time, and she almost became a pilot. After I heard my stepdad talk about that, I was like, “I want to try that.” It was so much fun. Sometimes I forget that my logic and my brain is so different from someone else’s and that’s when I tend to have those kind of gaps, it’s something I try to really work, but in my head sometimes I’m just like, “Obviously.” Sometimes, I just have such an attitude. The thing is it’s not an attitude. It’s just my personality, but sometimes I see it in my head and I’m just like, “I’m being a little bit more less patient and accepting with someone.”
Dasha Bond: That is something I’ve been really trying to work on, but at the same time as a domme I feel like I have every right to not have to do that. It’s a bit of an interesting dynamic. Yeah. That’s something I really, really love, especially when I see my own subs come into something and they’re extremely nervous. I’ll see that, I love to see that progress of what it ends, and all of a sudden it’s so calm. It’s so calm. Most of the time, they are, if you look at them in the middle, they’re panting and it was like they’re trying to get through this whole thing, and at the end it’s just calm.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: That flowy, mushy … I always say people flow out of my dungeons. I’m just like, “Be careful when you cross the street.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: And trying to make sure there’s enough time to ground after a session.
Dasha Bond: Yes. It’s like after you get a massage or after you meditated.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It can be very, very similar to that.
Dasha Bond: I completely agree.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I’m wondering what are you interested in doing with your femme domme or your dominance? What are you interested in exploring in the future or as you continue to explore?
Dasha Bond: Yeah. A lot of the times, something that I tend to tell people and put a big emphasis on is that I really like skin to skin contact and things like that. I’ve done less exploring when it comes to things like even whips and stuff like that because I just really like the feeling of me using my hand on someone else’s skin. Something that I want to introduce more is trying more things in terms of equipment and having those kinds of things. So many of the people that I tend to see are quite new. I don’t know why, but I tend to track those people. It might be even mommy vibes, but I personally-
Mistress Danielle Blunt: They love mommies.
Dasha Bond: Yeah, they do. They really do because they feel comfortable, and it’s so scary so they want someone to take care of them within it. At the same time, I guess I don’t need to explore that as much if I’m having so many newbies. Something that I’ve been really wanting recently is a lot more experienced people so that way I don’t feel like I’m constantly everyone’s first, and just have this list of just for today, I’m taking everyone’s everything, and I’m just like, “Wow,” carrying so much weight on my shoulders. You never forget your first. I remember the first person that I pegged. I’m still very close to him. We did a lot of switching and I felt so comfortable with that.
Dasha Bond: Something that I really want to explore more with domming is just more things … I want something a lot more ongoing. Something that I really, really, really want is live-in subs, and it’s really difficult for me to do that when I’ve been moving around so much because I was literally in London two months ago, I was in Philadelphia one month ago, and now I’m in New York, so it’s really difficult to ask unless they’re traveling with me.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. You can find that. You can manifest that.
Dasha Bond: Probably. Yes.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: My submissive just moved in with me three days ago. I’ll keep you posted.
Dasha Bond: Really? Yeah. How’s that going?
Mistress Danielle Blunt: So far, so good. I love personal service. I have such a weak spot for service submission.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Service submission and financial domination, the two go hand-in-hand to me like carving out the space in my life to be able to attend to someone in that way. Also, I think a financial exchange is a beautiful act of service because that’s what’s needed to be able to take time and relax in this world.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I agree.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: That combined with service for me is just so nice, and I feel like I have some really beautiful service subs and I feel really grateful to have cultivated that, people who genuinely want to see me succeed and put their time and energy towards that, and also clean my house.
Dasha Bond: Yeah. No. I definitely think that some form of domestic servitude and financial domination, those two things … The subs feel really like they are serving you.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah.
Dasha Bond: Those are two big aspects of your life as opposed to-
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Intimate.
Dasha Bond: Yes. Because it’s outside of a sexual setting at that point. Obviously, those are aspects, but it’s now something that is a little bit more personal. That’s definitely something I want, and I’ve been looking into so many different apartments in London where I’m looking through them and I’m like, “I really want a two-bedroom. I really want a three-bedroom.” I’m looking through everything and I’m just like, “That would be so nice to have all these subs.” The thing is I have so many bedrooms and none of them will get to sleep in them.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I love your little cage that you have.
Dasha Bond: Yes. That’s the main reason I got this Airbnb because I saw this cage and I’m pretty sure it’s for a dog. I don’t know, but first thing that came to my head I’m like, “Oh, my God. That’d be great to put a person in.” There’s also another cage, a proper dog cage in here too, a lot of dog food and bowls and things like that. My mind just went straight to that. I was like, “All of the things that I could do with all this.” I haven’t had the chance to do it yet, but I have plans for all of them. Personally, that’s something that I really, really, really want to do. That’s probably the biggest thing that I want to do in the future, and hopefully soon in the future is to have a bunch of subs that I could have live in.
Dasha Bond: I remember I was talking to my one sub who is a really good potential sub to do this with, and I was like, “I want a family dinner.” I was like, “Everyone has to be at dinner, and they have to be there, we all have to sit there, or you’re eating on the floor. It’s fine. I have to be there and all the rest of you have to be there.” I was like, “Every morning we’ll have a check-in or things you can go do for me.” In my head, I have so many things that I really want to do with that in particular, but also back to the ongoing kind of thing is that it’s now obviously ongoing. You’ve just now basically put yourself in a verbal contract and you’re living here. It’s like we’re doing this.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s continuing. Yeah. It’s very similar to where I grew up and trained. There were live-in submissives, and the submissives always ate on the ground and would help prepare dinner and all of that too, your water was never empty, your needs were acknowledged before you were quite aware of them, and it was just very dedicated on that service. I love anticipatory service, and I think I’ve done a really good job training submissives in that. I also have a lot of tech submissives which is really nice, which is a really nice service.
Dasha Bond: That must be nice.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Someone built me a bot to do an automated task that was taking me forever, and I’m like, “That is so romantic.”
Dasha Bond: Yeah. No. 100%. Yeah. If someone did that for me, yeah, 100%, I’d be like, “I love you.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I know.
Dasha Bond: Something that I’ve heard you say-
Mistress Danielle Blunt: My love language.
Dasha Bond: 100%. Something that I’ve heard you say is favorite, and I think something that I do a lot, and I also make myself known is I have favorites. 100%. I definitely have favorites. This is why I think I would be an awful, awful mother in reality because I’d tell that kid, I’d be like, “You are my favorite. I don’t really like that one. That one doesn’t do anything.” I’d be like, “This one I love. They’re my favorite.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: They’re useful.
Dasha Bond: I’m like, “Yeah.” I swear to God, if any of my kids every got in trouble, first I think I’d be like … If the other one did it, I’d be like, “Yeah, but he didn’t get caught. That’s why he’s my favorite.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I love that you thought about this.
Dasha Bond: I have, 100%, because favorites is important to me. I want them to know that there is a ranking, and then ones that do this, I want examples. I’m going to be like, “They are amazing if they do this.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Who is your favorite submissive? How do you become Mistress Dasha Bond’s favorite submissive?
Dasha Bond: I think part of it is the never saying no. I don’t like hearing the word no. If someone’s constantly willing, and I come up with an absurd idea that I don’t even want to do and they’re just like “Yes.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: You’re like, “Will you do this for me?”
Dasha Bond: Yeah. I’d be like, “Would you do this?” I present it like, “This is what I want to do. Will you do it?” They’re like, “Yeah.” I’m like, “You’re so pathetic, but yeah, let’s do it. Yeah. We’re not going to do that. Don’t worry about that,” or, “You know what? Fine. We’ll do that.” In my head, I think that’s part of it is that I constantly see them wanting to take care of my needs and my wants, and then at the same time they’re willing to put me ahead of them, but then at the same time I think I always try and show them that same respect on a different level, but I still show them that respect of that I appreciate that you’re doing that, but at the same time … That’s probably the biggest thing is when I constantly see them trying. That is a big thing.
Dasha Bond: Someone that I recently cut off was someone that I was going to meet, and I tend to have a lot of conversation with people before I meet them because I really want to be positive that when I need them it’s going to be good, or I’m going to get something out of this and that they’re going to get something out of this. I recently had to cut him off because he wasn’t messaging me enough, and then he took time off and he ended up doing something and came back and we discussed all that, and I just wasn’t happy with that. I was like, “You’re not putting enough effort in.” That’s another thing, is someone being … I can see that they want to be loyal, that they want to be devoted, that’s a big thing for me, even if you are exploring things with other people.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: That happened to me recently too and it just turned into it. I was like, “You don’t actually want to be in service to me. You want to see me for a session, which is fine. Just call it what it is.” I’m fine with that. I loved my sessions with this person. It was just you’re not mine.
Dasha Bond: Yes. Exactly.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I don’t use that language unless it’s negotiated and we both know what it means.
Dasha Bond: I completely agree with you because that’s why I want to take some things away from them at that point. It’s like I’m not as comfortable with you calling me mommy. It’s a little bit more personal. It would be a little bit more formal because at the same time, I want them to feel like they want to be mine. If they don’t, they just want it to be whatever it is.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s theirs or mine.
Dasha Bond: Exactly.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah.
Dasha Bond: Which is completely fine. Sometimes, I will have a bad day, and I just really want to get some frustration out, especially when I’m traveling all over the place. If someone’s available and it’s just like, “I want a session,” it’s completely fine, but I definitely don’t want them spending all this time and all this effort, and then at the same time not enough. So then, I’m in that space and I’m like, “If you want that, you have to be able to communicate that to me.” Also, something that I’ve realized that I do a lot recently is I’m always looking for red flags without trying to, whether I’m on a date or anything, I’m always looking for them. That person has to be on their best behavior, or be extremely honest so that way I know exactly what I’m looking for. For me personally, if I’m with that person, I want to make sure that it’s all … It’s going to be the way that I want it because I definitely like to control it. I want to make sure that it is a comfortable space and we’re both getting something out of it. I want to know where we both lie.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. That base of reciprocity feels so important, and not spoken about enough. It’s like I don’t want to receive service … I’ve received service from people who aren’t service submissives, and it doesn’t feel as good.
Dasha Bond: I’m sure.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Someone’s getting off cleaning my house.
Dasha Bond: Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I’m very grateful for my new live-in submissive who … He’ll be doing the dishes and I’m like, “That was good sex, huh?”
Dasha Bond: I love that. Yes.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Thank you so much for chatting with me.
Dasha Bond: Of course.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Are there any last things you wanted to say or let people know where they could find you?
Dasha Bond: I’m on Twitter (@dashbondar) I have a lot of free stuff on there. You will have the thing, the handle. There’s a lot of free stuff on there. It’s not as good as my OnlyFans (https://onlyfans.com/dashbond). People can actually talk to me on OnlyFans. I’m also on FetLife. That’s something that I’ve been recently trying to explore as well.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: If you find me on FetLife, you’ll find photos of me from when I was 18 and new to the scene. I’ve had FetLife for 12 years now. The website has not changed at all. I’m @MistressBlunt and OnlyFans/mistressblunt. It was so great to chat with you.
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