Thrilled to share this sadistic conversation with Mx Tomie about pornography, femdom content creation and the realm of fantasy, our unique approaches to feminization play, what kind of sluts we like, the choice to be “face-in” or “face-out” as a sex worker, religion, devotion and altered states of consciousness, and…. a lot of talk about surgery and medfet fantasies.
Read more: Femdom Dominatrix Mistress Blunt Interviews Dominatrix Mx Tomie
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Hello, everyone. My name is Danielle Blunt. I am a professional dominatrix and content creator based out of New York City, and I am thrilled to be joined today by Mistress Tomie. Tomie, I would love for you to introduce yourself.
Mx Tomie:
Hi. I am Mistress Tomie. I’ve been a pro dom since 2019, and I went independent in 2020. And recently, I’m doing a lot more digital work and experimenting with that side of myself. So, hi.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I’m so thrilled watching your digital explorations, and I love your Mistress Tomie Flesh and Blood, and your Mistress Tomie digital. It’s so fun and visceral. I love that, the language.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. I was trying to figure out how to not necessarily incorporate everything, but I feel like the digital self is an extension of me, and then the in-person is… They’re both me, but different versions of me, and it just didn’t feel right to have one social media page for those two identities.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yeah. It totally makes sense. And I think also it… I don’t know. Hearing you say that is very interesting, too, because there’s so much fantasy in what we do, and I feel like the fantasy differs with what we do with our subs and our personal life and in play, as well as what we are presenting online. And the world-building in an in-person scene versus what you can do virtually is so different, and I feel like people have so many different ideas about what sex is because of the virtual, and because of these impossible things that can happen in the realm of the virtual, that it really makes sense to me, too, to have that discrete boundary between the two.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah, I think for the virtual, we talked a little bit about this earlier, but what I’ve been really liking about it is playing with the fantasy, playing with the performance, and the camera as a character, and sometimes method acting or improvising, and really having fun with it in a way that an in-person session where… In-person sessions, for me, sometimes feel like a one-person play, almost, where you’re setting the lights, you’re doing the music, and there’s this back-and-forth dance with the other actor or actors you’re in the room with. But digital, it’s a movie, a feel like a movie.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yeah. I feel like I’ve had such a fraught relationship with content creation, and in the pandemic, started making a lot more content. And it’s slowed down a little bit, and I’m picking back up now, because the burnout is real. But I have always found that my favorite clips that I’ve made have been filmed by a submissive lover of mine because then I’m just… It’s so much easier when I’m actually talking to someone. Or even when people order customs, I can magically conjure you into my space and know you from your depth.
And I feel like even when customs that I make, or I’m selling them more broadly, those are always the ones that sell the best because that little seed that someone gives, I feel like it’s such a collaborative thing, and it’s fun when that can translate online.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. What kind of content do you like the most? Or has that changed from 2020 to now?
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Well, right now I’m thinking of ex-boyfriend humiliation clips, because I was thinking of the ex-boyfriend who filmed for me and I also conjured in some of these fantasies. Ex-boyfriend turned cuckold had very humiliating, degrading sex life. Was really fun. Still think about it.
What kind of content have I been liking? I have been really into financial domination as an extension of Total Power Exchange, and a D/s relationship is something that I really liked indoctrinating people who aren’t necessarily… I just got off of a call with a submissive who was like, “I’m not into fin-dom.” And I’m like, “You’ve been sending to me like you are into fin-dom. So, I feel like we have something to talk about here.”
And we had this really interesting conversation. I am about to publish a blog post, and I sent him an early draft of it, and we were talking about it. I like getting people into financial domination through psychological domination, as well as getting to the root of their desires, whatever it may be. So, my style is very psychological, and it’s fun to figure out how to translate that into clips and content. What about you?
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. I feel like fin-dom is really popular in the online space right now, so that’s a great avenue to go. I think right now for online stuff, I like… And I’m still quite new to this. I didn’t really really go hard on the digital stuff until earlier this year, actually just five months ago, really.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I was like, you’re hitting the ground running. I’m just watching you in total awe.
Mx Tomie:
I think it really was five months ago where I am just like, “I’m going to go fucking go for it.” But my brain, sometimes that just happens. I need to make a shift hard and fast, and I just go for it.
I love pegging. I feel like I’m in a very natural animalistic state when I’m pegging on camera, just fucking hard. I like discreet cuckolding on camera. I feel like for real cuckolding, I like to leave that for my in-person guys. And that’s something I had to think about, too, how explicit do I want to be online, and what am I going to leave for the people that I see in person? Just so there’s a little tier to how well they can get to know me.
So, that means sometimes the phone is outside of the door, and they can see little movements of me moaning, whatever, but they don’t really get to see the thing. Or they’re in a closet looking through the little slats, and that’s all you get. That’s all you get.
I think like hypnosis, sissification stuff is also really popular, too. I really like HypnoTube personally, for myself. A lot of HypnoTube is geared towards, again, men, but in my head it works for me when I personally am masturbating for some reason.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
What do you like to be hypnotized for?
Mx Tomie:
I like watching the sissification hypno, too.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Ah, hot. That’s hot.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. Even if I don’t have the same members that the videos are talking about, like body parts, it still psychologically works for some reason. Or maybe I’m just dropping into the space my subs are in, but it’s a really interesting… I like watching it. It turns me on.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Well, I feel like subspace and… Hypno play makes so much sense to me, because subspace is just an altered state, and hypnosis brings you to that state. So, the marriage of the two is just so juicy, and it makes so much sense to me, it’s like, who doesn’t want to be seduced into feeling a really beautiful way?
Mx Tomie:
Yeah, exactly. And I think hypno works really well with any kind of feminization, and sissification too, because for people who are not actively…
For some of my sissies, I think they are closeted trans folks, and so they’re not transitioning, but they can kind of experience it themselves, and hypno is one of the ways that they can do that. Sometimes there’s a humiliation element, sometimes they’re not, depending on what stage they’re at.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I’m going to see if I can think of this off the top of my head, but so many of the people who have come to see me, both partners and online, for cross-dressing, later came out as trans women or non-binary.
And I think my percentage is specifically so high… I don’t know if everyone’s is so high, but I don’t really do humiliation and cross-dressing. If you’re humiliated by being a woman and by being feminized, that’s one thing. But why would I humiliate you when I’m trying to make you look like me, like a woman. I want you to look good.
I am not the pink frills kind of girl. I’m like, “Let’s go shopping for beautiful matching Wolford stockings and a tight dress, and go out for a night on the town. I don’t want to be embarrassed to be with you. I have to keep up.”
But I’ve found that it’s the same for me. So many are exploring their gender in some capacity. I mean, what a fun way to explore your gender, and through the realm of fantasy, which may or may not become your reality.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. When I do feminization and sissification play, when there is humiliation involved, and I don’t shy away from it, I think for some men who are in extremely masculine spaces, the only way they can access that part of themselves, and that openness, is unfortunately through a level of humiliation. But I think that’s one step, and they can kind of-
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
It’s like, “Yes, and?”
Mx Tomie:
They can feel it. Yeah, feel it in that space, and then there’s more to come.
I like dressing my sluts in really cheap clothes, though. It’s like the opposite. Really, really cheap. Really, really cheap concept. I once had a sub come in. I was like, “You know what? We’ll do a little fashion show.” And he layered three layers of fishnets and bikinis, and it was horrendous. And I was like, “What the fuck is happening? You’re gross. Bend over right now.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I will humiliate for bad taste is what I will humiliate for.
Mx Tomie:
It is so bad. It is so bad.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I’m like, hedonist, and beauty is so important for me. I don’t want to look at… Personally, I totally respect the very trashy, as cheap as possible, and totally get the humiliation components of it. But, I want to have hot lesbian sex.
Mx Tomie:
You’re like, “I don’t want that in my space.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I want to fuck you like a beautiful woman.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. You’re like, “I don’t want that in the space.” That’s like, “Keep that outside.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yeah, you can do that in your private space.
Mx Tomie:
Approach correctly.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
And when you come, just be like, “We’re wearing matching shoes.”
Mx Tomie:
I love that. I love that.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Well, I’m curious how you got into kink and BDSM in general, and as a pro dom, when you kind of decided to… Or if you were pro first. I don’t really know a lot about your background.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. I was in the kink and lifestyle space since college, actively, physically participating in it, when I was around, I think, 20. But I’ve always had these inclinations for years and years, and was just intellectually exploring it.
And it was always cropping up in my life, and I would gravitate towards things that are like BDSM, kink related. So, an example of this is, in high school, I was on Tumblr all the time, and I loved Creepyyeha clothing. And I had no idea what BDSM was at the time. It was just like, I really like the leather and the buckles and all of that, for me, since I could not understand.
When I finally sort of… I think it was my first boyfriend. I don’t know if we were dating at the time. But he was like, “There’s rope. Have thought about rope before?” And I was just gravitating towards it, and fully started exploring how it felt like in college.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
That’s so fun. So, I feel like Tumblr radicalized so many people.
Mx Tomie:
Absolutely.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
It’s so interesting. I’m definitely older than you, because mine was AOL chat rooms was where I was finding a lot of it. And I would pretend to be 18 years old with blonde hair and blue eyes, and huge, huge titties, which I later got, I was later blessed with. And I would just have cyber sex with these old men. And then, as soon as they’re like, “I’m about to come,” I’d be like, “Just kidding. I’m an old man in my mom’s basement. Ha ha ha.” And then I would go do my thing.
That’s what got me off. It was all psychological for me, so it took me… I mean, I started when I was 18, 19. I found the BDSM community officially. But I never searched for kinky porn, because I didn’t know the language. I liked convincing people with girlfriends to hook up with me, and then as soon as they were about to, I’d be like, “Oh no, we couldn’t possibly.” And then I would think about that, about how close I got them to cheating on their partner, and how powerful I felt.
Mx Tomie:
Oh, wow.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I’m like, “How do you Google that?” I don’t know.
Mx Tomie:
I didn’t really watch porn until quite a bit… Like real people porn, it was pretty recent. I’ve always been into Hentai, and I didn’t even really start reading or watching Hentai until I think like 17, 18. And the first Hentai I saw, it was on YouTube. I think this is not really Hentai, it’s more Ecchi. It’s lighter, perverted stuff. It’s two twin sisters seducing their brother.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Hot.
Mx Tomie:
And there’s this one scene where he’s tied on the chair, and they had a chocolate lipstick, and they would put the lipstick on and make him lick it off, and just back and forth.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
So sexy.
Mx Tomie:
It was the first thing I ever really watched in my life before.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I like that that’s the first porn you ever watched.
Mx Tomie:
And then it was literally Black Bible right after that.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Incredible. Woo. I love that. I feel like I watch… I mean, as a mommy, I’m super interested in taboo incest role play. A friend knew this about me and sent me this Japanese game-show porn of, is this your family member’s genitalia? And it’s like glory hole-
Mx Tomie:
Oh my god.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I’ll definitely send you a link because I sense interest.
Mx Tomie:
Send it to me. Wow. I can’t believe that’s a TV show?
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
It’s definitely porn, and I’m sure they’re all models.
Mx Tomie:
Oh my God.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I mean, it’s suspension of disbelief.
Mx Tomie:
I love that.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
We have to… you know, “step bro.” But it’s fascinating. There’s a game show host in porn. I want all the porn I watch to have a game show host. I feel like it’s missing from mainstream.
Mx Tomie:
A moderator.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yeah, exactly. If you need someone letting… like a narrator or something like that, definitely.
Another thing that I’d love to chat with you about is, from my memory, you were face in, meaning you did not show your face for the earlier part of your career, and later chose to reveal your gorgeous face. And I guess I’m curious, on both ends of those decisions, what was going through your head and what has come from the revelation?
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. So, when I started in 2019, I never expected to go face out, ever. I was planning on being face in for the entire duration of in-person work, and I liked the mystery. I like the in-person reveal of this is who I am. But then COVID happened.
And I was trying to do digital work in 2020, but it wasn’t clicking. Being face in was not conducive to doing any sort of digital work. And then, I think in my day capacity, last year when I decided to go face out, I think I just got to a point where everyone I love and care about who’s close to me already knows what I do. It’s been a slow coming out and getting used to it. And then my day career got to a point where I don’t think it would be jeopardized if I was face out.
And after doing that kind of risk analysis, I decided, I’m comfortable with it, and I don’t think I’m in a high-risk population for any sort of extreme danger or threats to my livelihood if I’m face out.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
How has it changed your work persona, or your relationship to your work, having your face out?
Mx Tomie:
I think since 2019 ’til now, I just slowly became more and more comfortable in myself. And being face out was part of it. There’s something about, I have some unhinged tweets, and now people know who’s saying them, right? I’m accountable for the things I’m saying. They know this is the person behind it.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
You’re cancelable now.
Mx Tomie:
I’m cancelable, and I fully accept that. And, I mean, business shot up after I became face out. And I had a few subs say they were following me for a while, but they didn’t want to make that jump because they didn’t… What it really is, didn’t have that parasocial bond with me because I was face in.
And I liked the feeling of my reach getting broader, and that kind of influence getting broader, now that I’m a lot more public, and doing a lot more podcasts and interviews and all that fun stuff.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yeah, it’s so fun when the web expands, and see who falls into the trap.
Mx Tomie:
You know what, though, I think every single sub is so different. I had a little stereotype of online subs, where I assumed that they would all kind of be duplicates of each other, and they wouldn’t be as interesting as my in-person guys.
But they’re all very fascinating. I love talking to them, and I love interacting with them. And when I live stream, it feels like they’re a little unionized group. Sometimes they make fun of each other, too.
It’s getting to a point a little bit where some live streams they recognize each other’s usernames. And one guy one time on a live stream got way too high, he ate too many edibles, and I had another sub in the DMs say, “Hey, is that guy okay?” a day after.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
He cares. So important.
Mx Tomie:
It was adorable. It is, it’s adorable. They’re just like a nice little… both subs, and I like that they interact with each other. That’s also very special.
And I am new to the online space, but a lot of what I’ve been thinking about is, how do I cultivate the following and the people I want in my community? Who am I trying to energetically attract, and who do I want in this little circle, this little club?
And I think fostering a healthy dynamic with subs, and knowing, also, online, how to not always be in persona, has been really helpful. I know for some doms, they’re just 100% all the time being like, you’re a bitch all the time, but I am not quite like that. And I like getting to know them on a human level.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I feel like it makes play so much more fun, too. And I was having a conversation with Dasha Bond the other day, which we’ll be releasing-
Mx Tomie:
I’ll see her tomorrow.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yeah. And so, we have a new one coming out, and we were talking about how fun humiliation is, and how it’s so much more fun when you really know someone. And sure, I am always the dominant in the role, but that doesn’t mean we’re in a scene 24/7. In a 24/7 dynamic doesn’t mean you’re in a 24/7 scene, where I’m not getting to know you, too.
And for me, it’s been so fulfilling having these long-term online relationships. I really shifted in 2020, at the start of the pandemic, to online work, and just being able… being a disabled person, and a lot of my social life moving into online spaces, it was just really lovely to connect with people who were exploring kink for the first time.
I feel like so many people in early lockdown time, were like, “Well…” They came out as trans or came out as kinky. They’re like, “Well, now, fuck. I have to sit with myself, and all the distractions in my life are gone.”
And I think I developed some really close dynamics that are really fun, to be able to go in and out. And it just kind of ebbs and flows naturally. Someone is sending me a news article and asking me my opinion on it, just moving into a verbal humiliation session, and edging and tuning, and it’s just nice how, even in virtual spaces, you can create space for someone to be their whole self.
Mx Tomie:
I’m subscribed to your OnlyFans page, and I like the way you run it. It is very personal. It’s like these little plug for Blunt’s OnlyFans page, which you should subscribe to. It’s a little view of your life and your interests, and it’s so specific, too, and I really like that. It’s not mass produced.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yeah. I feel-
Mx Tomie:
I don’t want to be a mass-produced digital dom, either.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I’m also subscribed to yours, and love all the personal glimpses between play that you share, and all of those. I feel like you do the dungeon selfie so well, and giving people this glimpse into your life.
I was looking at yours the other day, and I’m like, “Damn.” I play with a very select group of people, and often I go with lovers to hotels and things like that, and I’m like, “Man, I really miss being in a dungeon.” I am currently in what used to be my playspace. There’s hard points on the wall, my personal playspace. But I miss the… I’ve moved so far away from the dark dungeon aesthetic, and I’m starting to miss it again.
So, I’ve been working and been involved with BDSM since I was late 18, 19, and I feel like I just… Both things ebb and flow of what’s in vogue in kink, as well as what I’m into. I made clips really religiously for years, and then I started doing OnlyFans, and did that hardcore for the first year of the pandemic. And then I’m like, “We’re doing voice notes.” We’re moving there.
And now I’m finally back to the point where I’m like, “Oh, yeah. I really am excited to start making clips.”
Mx Tomie:
Yeah, we should collab.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I was love that.
Mx Tomie:
Let’s collab. I’ll go up to you.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yes, exactly. That’s the only way people see me. So, thank you for understanding that.
I think it’s interesting, too, because I’m thinking still about the face out thing. Because when I started doing sex work, I was advertising on Backpage. I didn’t have social media. This whole subtext is me dating myself, but was on Backpage, Maxfish, had not a ton of photos, FetLife, and that’s how I was meeting people and meeting submissives.
And I think I got my Twitter probably 10 years ago now, but I didn’t really use it for five or six years ago, and it’s just changed so much. And I think, when I was taking photos when I was 19, I can’t do math, but it was over 10 years ago, it wasn’t in my realm of possibility. Facial recognition technology was not something that I was thinking about when I was 19. It was not something I was thinking about when I started doing social media. And it wasn’t until you saw it happening publicly that I was thinking about it.
And I think a lot about all of the different risks, the risks and gains of being face out. So, I remember when you were talking about going face out, I was thinking about it, and I was like, “Would I go face in at this point, if I knew someone that should I knew?” But there’s no way to undo an online persona. But it’s just, I don’t know. It’s so interesting how things shift.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. Would you go face in at this point, even though it’s too late?
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I feel like I would’ve done something similar to you, to be honest, where I would’ve started face in and been like, “Yep, this is what I’m doing. Fuck it. Face out.” But I don’t think I would’ve started face in.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. Was it Gen Z and Gen Alpha? There’s a new phenomenon of more internet influencers who are face in. They’re wearing masks all the time. I met a guy at a Kazumi’s party a month ago. He has like a million followers on TikTok. Face in, totally. He has an OnlyFans, and he advertises his hands on Instagram as the starting point. And he’s a pretty big influencer.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Interesting.
Mx Tomie:
And there’s also other musicians, too. There’s a guy who wears… His name’s like Disco Face. He wears a disco ball for his head. And I think that’s going to be a new trend in the upcoming generations. I think privacy, having burner phones, not being overexposed, is going to be in vogue.
And there’s a possibility, if I get to a point where this doesn’t fulfill me anymore, I might just start a new persona with a mask, and that’s a new me.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I love when people have multiple personas.
Mx Tomie:
I don’t think we should ever be married to one thing, ever. I think the constant ability to change is very important, especially as doms. I think we’re all very creative people that don’t want to be stuck. That’s why we’re doing what we’re doing.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Totally. I’m so curious if also part of the face-in trend happened in 2020 when a lot of people were out of work and started making content. I feel like OnlyFans got really flooded. Not flooded, people were buying shit, but so many people started doing sex work.
I can’t remember what the statistic is, but OnlyFans saw just a huge increase in the first month, or April 2020, or something like that. And a lot of the newer sex workers were face in and stayed face in, because they were able to get pretty successful with that. Especially when folks show their lips, there’s something very sexy about that.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. And now with AI, too, since we’re on the tech conversation, I wonder if we are going to get to a point where you can just be a VTuber, essentially. You don’t have to be a full person, you can just have a digital persona that represents you, or represents the sexual self of you, and that’s who you are.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yeah. I feel like there’s so much surveillance now that I’m also really interested in how some of these trends will shift as people work to obfuscate parts of their identity. And something that I do in other aspects of my life, although still all under the persona Blunt, all of my aspects, is digital security trainings and working with sex workers and other marginalized communities to stay safer online.
And it’s so hard with these facial recognition technologies, and all of the data that’s being scraped on us that we don’t even know that it’s sharing. And I think it will be really interesting to see more of a mainstream response to that type of surveillance.
And this is a bit of a leap, but I wanted to ask you some questions. I saw on your website you were talking about how some of your kink roots come from a religious upbringing, and I feel like there is this heavy surveillance aspect in some types of very religious upbringings, whether it be from God, the church, the parent, or the community as well. And I’m curious what your relationship… I don’t know. I find that heavily religious people, in my experience, as kinky people I know, are just primed for kink. And I’m just so curious what your experience is.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. It’s almost a stereotype, right, coming from a deeply Christian background and then going to kink and BDSM. Are you from that background, too?
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I come from a Jewish background, which… I come from more of a kind of like, “We’ll have Shabbat on Friday. Believe God if you want to.” But I went to Jewish camp, which I feel like makes me feel more religious than I was, because it was an early point of my perversion.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. Okay. Wait, what’s Jewish camp?
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Jewish camp is sleepaway camp. It’s a religious sleepaway camp. So, I would go away for a month or two at a time over the summers.
Yeah. I think the intent of this Jew camp was for your child to marry another Jewish person. It was cruising for kiddos. It was just bananas space.
Mx Tomie:
My first interaction with a Jewish community in a more regular basis was in the dungeon, the first dungeon I started at, because it was in Bushwick, and I interacted with a lot of Hasidic Jews.
And I think there’s something about when your relation with your body and sexuality is discouraged for a long enough time, and then you’re in a religion that kind of really meditates on suffering in some type of way, and meditates on pain, and redemption through a person being flogged, quite literally, and then dying on the cross for you, you end up really gravitating towards it. It’s kind of a little bit of a no-brainer.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I think so much about flow states when I think about BDSM. And I feel like I’ve seen a lot of Hasidic clients, too. And I’ve done a wet T-shirt contest in a tzitzit in a mikveh. I love doing Jewish blasphemy play. I’ve done CBT with the tzitzit. I’ve done a sissification session with someone where I put on their full getup with the tzitzit and the fur hat and dom him in that while he’s dressed as a little girl.
Mx Tomie:
Oh my god.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
And it’s so fun. It’s all this combination of things that you’re talking about, and you’ve been going to this… If you really were religious and believed it, and a follower, devotion is also such a profound part of it. And then, if you move away from the structure of organized religion, I feel like there’s still that need. And I think that that’s what’s so cool, of being able to take on that God-like role and be someone’s everything, where everyone’s action is in service to you. It’s something I say over and over again to my submissives. Every action should be in service to God. I am your God. And that pathway of devotion is so lubricated.
Mx Tomie:
I think there’s that intensity of love that is very difficult to replace in any other setting. That intensity of, I love you so fully and unconditionally, and you have my absolute everything, that there’s no other place where you can do it and do it healthfully other than kind and BDSM.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yeah. Its negotiated.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. I suppose even, I guess, maybe being a mother is that kind of role, too, which is why, perhaps, you’re the mommy dom.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
That’s why I’m in business.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yeah. Well, yeah, right? I was talking, and with Dasha yesterday, I was like, “No one fucks you up like your mother.” If they’re that kind of person, and they’re going in, they know exactly what to say to ruin your life for months. Just one sentence, boom, your therapy bill just escalates.
And I feel like the same is true of God, that relationship to God. And then also, I talk a lot in mommy play, this expectation of woman for perfect attunement in a way that’s not as present in daddy play. I feel like the expectations of mommy and daddy are so different. And I feel like there is this, when you’re moving away from an organized religion, and it’s like an attachment. From attachment theory, you have this attachment to God, which could have been this perfect attachment where you felt so seen and so held and so cared for. And then, when you’re moving away, and you’re starting to question things, it’s a disorganized attachment to this foundational caretaker for you in life. And I imagine it being a quite similar attachment rupture.
Mx Tomie:
I think when I first started pro domming, I was doing a lot more of these more intense devotional D/s dynamics. And I think since then, I’ve moved a little bit away from it, and into… Right now, the phase I’m in is more of a playful space. I think it’s just a phase I’m in right now because I… If I get inquiries, I’ll throw them to you. But I think there’s that level of intensity that-
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Throw me a playful one, too.
Mx Tomie:
Right now I’m really liking my playful guys. Yeah. I’m really liking the ones that are just like, “Yeah, I’m horny.” And it’s like edge me for three hours, you know. It’s just so, the simple animalistic desires. I think because I was in that space for so long, now I’m here, then I’ll probably gravitate back to it-
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Totally.
Mx Tomie:
… with enough time.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I love being able to have that movement, too, of different things. And I feel like I’ve definitely leaned hard into the mommy thing, which brings certain things out of the woodwork for sure. And I think it’s also, I am at a point in both my career and in the pandemic, where I’m not taking as many one-off sessions, so I feel like when I was doing that, it felt much more playful.
It’s not like I’m not playful with the people that I play with regularly, it’s very playful, but there is this emotional depth. And just my general interest. I was talking about my early root stuff. I wanted the deep, dark psychological shit, what I was mostly interested in.
But I wanted to mention this about religion and cults. There’s this amazing book that I’m obsessed with called… I think it’s called Terror, Love and Brainwashing.
Mx Tomie:
Is it good?
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yeah, it’s a good… I’ll send it to you.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. Okay.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
It’s by a survivor of a cult, and she talks about… Well, first, when I was reading it, I was reading it for a month and just underlining every word in it. And everyone who saw me reading it was like, “Is this the how-to manual for you? Are you reading this as a how-to manual?” I’m like, “No. Maybe.”
Mx Tomie:
Now I’m sitting up and taking notes.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
And all of my tweets were about cults. But it talks about using disorganized attachment as a way to take power. From interpersonal violence, from cults to MLMs and multilevel-marketing pyramid schemes. And I just thought it was so interesting how it goes from the personal, to the religious, to the alt, to cult, to fascism at a state level, through disorganized attachment. It’s like a book on attachment theory and cults.
And I found it so interesting. I feel like the research I’ve done on attachment theories is such a big part of my play, which is why I think it tends to be a little darker.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. I think for my in-person stuff, it tends to be in a little bit darker space, I think. You’re also a very heavy sadist, and I remember that because two years ago, I got dinner with Ava O, and I was talking about some of my fantasies, and she’s like, “I think you and Danielle will get along quite well.” Like my sadistic fantasies. And she was like, “Yeah. Danielle’s a hard, hard sadist in a way that I don’t see very often.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Oh my god, I’m so flattered. Thank you for sharing that with me. I want to know what fantasies these were.
Mx Tomie:
I think I saw you tweet once about having an orgy, but when you run out of holes, you cut new ones into a person. And I was like, “Oh, fuck yeah.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
That’s one of my deepest, deepest fantasies. Just like, where can we make a new hole? Mommy’s tired of the others.
Mx Tomie:
Oh my God, yeah. I’ve talked about this before. My deepest, darkest fantasy that probably will never happen in life is, I want to do a resurrection scene where they just temporarily are gone, and I then I can bring them back.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I mean, okay. Yes. I… Okay. Clearly I understand where Eva was coming from. I have heavy anesthesia fantasies, and-
Mx Tomie:
I’ve been saying that if I could have surgery recreationally, I would.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Me, too.
Mx Tomie:
I love the feeling-
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
We should have a date.
Mx Tomie:
I love the feeling of going under. We should.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I know. We can hold hands.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah, please.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
What are you doing? Oh, just going on a date.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah, just going unconscious completely.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
That could be us doing lesbian cuckolding. Will someone watch? Just watch us go under anesthesia.
Mx Tomie:
Oh my God. Wait, can we please?
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I know. I feel like the fantasy, I’m using certain words because who knows what platform this will be on, the fantasy of forced intox is just… coerced intox, we’ll say. I love how payment platforms make you say coerce now instead of the F-O-R-C-E word. So silly.
Mx Tomie:
It’s not torture, it’s torment.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Oh, that’s good. I go tor-space-ture. Torment. I have to do that.
Mx Tomie:
No, I always do torment now. It’s like, “Okay.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Okay, cool. I just learned something. Thank you. I’m like, “It’s not torment. It’s something deeper.” Yeah. I totally get you on that, and am actively cruising for an anesthesiologist boyfriend, or girlfriend. I’m just like, “What do you look for in a partner?” “An anesthesiologist degree. That’s it.”
Mx Tomie:
Oh my gosh. Yeah. I have yet to come across that. I once had a sub who… The sub is also someone who’s been around, so maybe you’ve had him before. He’s like a chemist?
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Maybe. I don’t know.
Mx Tomie:
Okay. Well, I can tell you later.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I love those community subs.
Mx Tomie:
I haven’t seen him in a year, so I think it’s okay. He would make this powder, himself, where he won’t be able to contract his muscles. So, when I put him in even light bondage, he cannot get out of it and I can just do whatever I want. Yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I played a game once where there was a die and six different bags sealed with a different pill in each one, and each of these placebos, placebo medication, would do something different to you. And so, up, down, roll the dice, see how your day goes. And the instructions were just, “A game to play when you have 48 hours free.”
Mx Tomie:
Oh, wait, I love that.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Isn’t it a sexy game?
Mx Tomie:
It is a sexy game.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I love someone being my Guinea pig to experiment on. And there are fantasies that you can make reality, and then there’s fantasy, like killing someone, maybe is not in this lifetime.
Mx Tomie:
But that’s why we have this digital space.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I know. And that’s why I think-
Mx Tomie:
For me, it’s like certain things can only be portrayed in an artistic way.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Yeah, totally. But yeah, so fun. I’m already thinking about how we’ll have to edit this for different platforms.
Mx Tomie:
Oh, I have no idea.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
But yeah. I feel like some of that darker play, I feel like it really hits on power. What is more powerful than being in control of someone’s life? Being in control of someone’s breath? I just recorded this… My background is in many different things, but one of them is yoga and pranayama. And I sent out a breath work clip and voice note that was instructing someone how to breathe to mimic the experience of breath play.
And I have a submissive that I’ve been playing with for two years virtually, and he was like, “I have never felt that level of control replicated without… He was like, “It was as if your hands were around my neck giving me permission to breathe.” And I feel like breath and life is so, so powerful.
Mx Tomie:
I like that.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I know. I know. Clearly. I mean, she has the taste, so.
Mx Tomie:
She does.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Truly. Oh my goodness. Yeah. I feel like we clearly need to play together. We clearly need to toe chop.
Mx Tomie:
Yes. Oh my gosh. I clearly need to be mentored by you, too. You have so much more years of experience ahead of me. I can teach you how to do TikTok, so you can teach me how to lie properly.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Please. Yeah. TikTok is what ruins my life. My mental health.
Mx Tomie:
I’m barely on it right now, too, and I need to be. But it’s just silly, silly little clips.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Silly little clips. Oh my goodness. Yeah. We need to post an ad for an anesthesiologist.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah, I’ll tweet about it.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Okay. Seeking an anesthesiologist. I think Twitter is such a powerful form of manifestation, to just put it out there.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah, just see who comes on, what works. Because I also think because we’re so shadow banned, the people who do see it are… It’s so exacting that it’s their interest. Every single sub that has seen me on Twitter, almost 100% have ended up seeing me for a session.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Amazing.
Mx Tomie:
Because it’s just so specific to what they’re looking for.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
Because they’re looking. Yeah.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. They’re looking.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
They’re looking. They’re needing.
Mx Tomie:
If I’m on your feed, you’re already halfway there. It’s already over.
Mistress Danielle Blunt:
I feel like that’s something that happens to you when you really fine-tune your branding. It’s not just the persona. I feel like the persona is constructed to call things into you of what you are looking for and what you want to play with. And I am curious, what does Mistress Tomie’s ideal submissive look like? I would love to end on this question.
Mx Tomie:
Yeah. So when I first started pro domming… To the branding question first. When I first started pro domming, I thought a lot about branding, and then I think actually halfway through, when I decided to not think about it too much, and just be myself and attract people who are into who I am as a person, it became a lot easier to do what I do, and play the way I play, and also evolve.
I think branding is too stiff of a construct for me specifically. And I know it works for some other people, but I think for me, I like this to be a playground, and I think my subs know that too, and I think the ones that play with me, if I’m in the mood in that particular moment to do what they’re into, they feel very lucky that they caught me in the right time.
My ideal submissive. Right now, I always love my masochist. I think that’s been a recurring constant theme. I love subs who are proactive in serving me, who enjoy adding to my life and being part of my life, because I think it’s becoming more and more clear to me that’s what’s happening for both the digital side and the in-person side.
They’re being added to a facet of my life, and they’re supporting that part of my life, and also helping me grow as a person as I play and enjoy pleasure, and experiment with them as an extension of me experimenting with myself.
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