Female-Led Relationship (FLR): An Interview with a Submissive Husband

One of my submissives is in a female-led relationship (FLR). He is married to his Domme and she sends him to me once a month to whip him into shape. Naturally, I thought it would be fun to interview both him and his dominant wife.

In part one, you’ll meet Pretty in Pink, the submissive cuckold. We talk about how female-led relationships can shape all of your relationships, how a professional dominatrix fits into a FLR, the benefits (and realities) of cuckolding and chastity, and more.

(Stay tuned for part two, where I’ll chat with his wife. Sign up for my free newsletter, if you don’t want to miss it.)

Mistress Blunt: Hello, I am Mistress Blunt. I use she/her pronouns and I am here with Pretty in Pink. Pretty in Pink, would you like to introduce yourself? 

Pretty in Pink: I use he/him pronouns. I am Pretty in Pink and I’m a veteran submissive.

Mistress Blunt: You mean old?

Pretty in Pink: Yes. (both laugh)

Mistress Blunt: I would love it if you would talk a little bit about the process you went through when reaching out to me… what you were looking for…

Pretty in Pink: Well I’ve seen many dominatrixes over the years and I think I was dissatisfied. I can’t even remember who it was who came before you, so you totally eclipsed any predecessor. 

Mistress Blunt: Oh, swoon. 

Pretty in Pink: But I can’t really remember how I came across you. It must’ve been a listing somewhere. And I was just intrigued by your look and your prose. You seemed like a very intriguing and skilled dominatrix, so I checked you out. And I can’t say I ever regretted my choice. 

Mistress Blunt: Not yet. There’s still time. There’s still plenty of time. I’ve been doing a lot of these interviews, which have been really fun. I think that something that’s a little bit different about you is that you are in a personal female-led relationship… a female-led marriage. 

Pretty in Pink: Yes, is that not typical for your clients? 

Mistress Blunt: I think more and more people have primary partners who are engaged in kink, but I would say it’s not typical. So, I’m curious about how that happened. I remember you telling me that you sort of brought her into it… 

Pretty in Pink: Yeah, well, I was married for a long time. I was married… before her, I was married to someone else for quite a while. It wasn’t a miserable marriage, but it wasn’t thriving and it was not very sexual. And I had all these forbidden desires that had nowhere to go. And then of course the Internet corrupted me. Then I met my wife, and we got together after some drama about the breakup of the first marriage. 

But from the start, I wanted to be clear with her that I had these tendencies. And she’s honestly very highly sexed, so the lust has never been in short supply. And she’s quite receptive.

We started gradually and got deeper and deeper, just like the relationship generally. The D/s dynamics of our relationship got more and more developed… we got into orgasm control and chastity and cuckoldry and all kinds of fun things like that. It just evolved over the course of about close to 15 years, I guess. 

Mistress Blunt: Wow. And you said something about cuckolding. 

Pretty in Pink: Yes. 

Mistress Blunt: Was that right? Or did you forget that?

Pretty in Pink: No, I said that. 

Mistress Blunt: You did say it. 

Pretty in Pink: Yes. 

Mistress Blunt: I love that. I love this idea of you being complicit in your own enjoyment of your suffering. 

Pretty in Pink: Well yes, it more than complicit… I was really pushing it.

Mistress Blunt: And now you get to enjoy your wife going on other dates. 

Pretty in Pink: Yes, well, the funny thing is that the first partner was somebody I urged on her and found exciting, but then she eventually decided she would take matters into her own hands. And I wasn’t necessarily quite as pleased with the subsequent choices. So I’ve had to adjust to not being in the driver’s seat there. 

Mistress Blunt: Not in the driver’s seat, besides when you’re driving me around town. 

Pretty in Pink: Right. 

Mistress Blunt: That’s hilarious. I love that cuckolding was your idea. You also serve as my chauffeur in the city, sometimes even taking me to dates! I was just thinking about that before this call. Of how you would drive me to and from the airport. You once chauffeured me around with a date. You picked us up with champagne and I had given you the task of finding me chocolate-covered figs, was it? 

Pretty in Pink: Yes, and I couldn’t find them, so I made them myself. 

Mistress Blunt: Yes, hand-made chocolate-covered figs. And I don’t think I had any idea how much of a challenge it was for you until a year later when I heard you talking about it with someone else. (both laugh)

I want to go back for a second to you being complicit in your own erotic suffering. Truly one of my favorite things about you is that you… I always like to say, “Men just humiliate themselves for me.” It’s so lovely and so generous of you to do that service for me

Pretty in Pink: You don’t feel upstaged by that? 

Mistress Blunt: No. Never. I’m a low spoons Domme. The less I can do, the better. If you want to humiliate yourself for me, all the power to you. 

I would say more and more of the people who come to see me… their partners know that they’re seeing a dominatrix and are supportive in that area, so I’m kind of curious.

Your wife is super-supportive and sends you to see me, so you’re also in a female-led relationship where your wife is supportive of you coming to see a professional dominatrix. Could you talk a little bit about that and maybe what you think both of you get out of outsourcing?

Pretty in Pink: She does get a kick out of lending me out. I think that process… the idea of that… amuses her. But I think she finds that I return in a better mood. And my ego, which as you know, is a rebellious and recalcitrant actor.

Mistress Blunt: Pesky little bastard. 

Pretty in Pink: Yeah. It gets somewhat subdued. So there are lasting effects which please her. And also, she likes to see marks on me. 

Mistress Blunt: Yes, we do like to mark you. 

Pretty in Pink: I think the combination of the lending out, the psychological transformations—which last more than just a couple of hours sometimes—and the physical effects. I think that all appeals to her greatly. 

Mistress Blunt: Could you describe some of the psychological alterations that we make in you? 

Pretty in Pink: Well, there was this one instance… I remember this one session where I really got to reflect on that rebellious ego of mine and how it needed to be subdued… how I needed to focus less on what was done to and for me, and more on what I could do for her and you. And it was educational in a way that wasn’t just the lingering short-term effects of the session, but something that really made me think more seriously, reflect more seriously. 

And then, being in a cage most of the time also changes the way I think and feel. I’m always aware of it. 

Mistress Blunt: What kind of cage are we speaking about, my friend? 

Pretty in Pink: A cuck cage for male chastity purposes. Which I’m in most of the time now. And it’s not dominant in my consciousness, but I’m always kind of semi-aware of it and if I start getting cranky and rebellious and difficult, it reminds me that I should not be doing that. Of course, I don’t always obey its commands or my own better instincts… I’m sometimes still ego-driven and cranky and difficult. Sometimes I’m still… 

Mistress Blunt: A little bitch, was that what you were saying? 

Pretty in Pink: A little bitch, yes. Just a touch. (both laugh)

Mistress Blunt: A sprinkle. 

Pretty in Pink: Yes, a light dusting. 

Mistress Blunt: And I think one thing that’s interesting, because you’ve been seeing me for a while, is that your pain tolerance is starting to change as you age.

Pretty in Pink: Yeah, it used to be quite robust. I just made the acquaintance on Twitter of the first dominatrix I ever saw. She’s still doing it, she’s in Portland now… I met her in San Francisco. And when I saw her the first time, she just whaled away on me.

Three kinds of implements. It started with a flogger and then with a single tail whip. And my back was marked for a week. And I was married… in my first marriage at the time, so I was worried, “Oh my god, I’ve got to go home with these marks.” And fortunately they cleared up the day before I was going home, but they lasted almost a week.

I just don’t think I could take it anymore. I don’t know what happened to me. I’ve heard the older you get, the less tolerant you are. 

Mistress Blunt: Interesting. And I feel like sometimes postures are less sustainable, too. 

Mistress Blunt and her Submissive Cuckold

Pretty in Pink: Yeah. I don’t know if you saw this video that made the rounds on Twitter the other day of a dominatrix leading her charge on a leash into a grocery store in California? 

Mistress Blunt: How could I miss it? 

Pretty in Pink: It was a beautiful sight. I really loved it, it was gorgeous. But as I was watching, I said, “Oh my god, his knees. His knees must really hurt.” I don’t think I could do that unless I had knee pads. 

Mistress Blunt: I do have knee pads in my dungeon. 

Pretty in Pink: Well, perhaps those will come to use someday. But that kind of humbling play really appeals to me. I mean, I think I’m a little jealous of it. 

Mistress Blunt: Have you done public play? We haven’t done any public play… I suppose chauffeuring and you’ve kissed my boots in your car in public, so there’s some elements, but it’s very subtle. 

Pretty in Pink: It was a very small audience. I’ve been whipped at clubs and parties. But again, with small audiences. But there’s something about doing that in public, like being led down on a sidewalk or…

As I say, I couldn’t crawl on my knees because of the physical limitations, but that kind of display. The marketplace, the public… 

Mistress Blunt: Stop turning yourself on! Tell me, how do you think female-led relationships contribute to how you relate in general? What do you think are the benefits of female-led relationships? And just to be clear, I am also referring more broadly to D/s relationships that subvert traditional gender stereotypes.

Pretty in Pink: You know, I’d like to believe that it would make the world a better place. Well, you know, to subdue male ego and aggression to some degree would be a good thing.

I just find women so beautiful and moving and worthy of admiration. And I think I bring that from my intimate relationships to my relation to the world. I love women. Fascinating to talk to, think with, play with, be with…

Mistress Blunt: So opportunities to interact with powerful women change how you move through the world?

Pretty in Pink: It definitely does. Although, which comes first? I don’t know. To feel that way or act that way? I guess that they enforce each other.

Mistress Blunt: Have you always had these desires? 

Pretty in Pink: Well, I think I told you this story, but the first time I ever felt any kind of kinky impulse was… I grew up Catholic, and it was at Catholic church in front of the stations of the cross, which are depictions of the 14 stages of Christ’s crucifixion and death, which are found in most every Catholic church.

And I was just so entranced by the crown of thorns and the whippings and the humiliation, but behind that… he was god, here to save the world. So, there is a combination of degradation and grandiosity, I guess. 

That was the first time I really became aware of it. But then it kind of went into hibernation until I got to college and read The Story of O. That really got me going. And I totally identified with O, not the least bit with Sir Stephen or…

Mistress Blunt: Obviously. 

Pretty in Pink: Yes. That really is what set me off on my adult pursuit. But then a few years later, I got married and it wasn’t as… I don’t want to exaggerate the badness of it, but it was not great. And it was just not at all sexual, so I felt like my sexuality went into hibernation for about 15 years. 

Mistress Blunt: Right. In a not super-exciting chastity sort of way. 

Pretty in Pink: Right, yes, not in a fun way. Because you know, chastity is such a…

Mistress Blunt: Fifteen years of chastity. Now, that’s a whole… 

Pretty in Pink: But not very exciting… it’s more like a priestly chastity. But chastity is funny because it’s both stimulating and repressive. So it feeds one to really great heights of excitement. 

Mistress Blunt: Truly. And to the sublime. I believe the sublime is something that has come up a few times for us in our sessions. Would you talk a little bit about that? 

Pretty in Pink: Yes, yes, yes. Well, I used to read a lot about the sublime and one of the things that’s funny about it is the feeling of being overwhelmed. It’s not like beauty, which is more relaxed and contemplative. Sublime is kind of violent and overwhelming and threatening even.

And there’s something about this suppression of libido that stimulates it at the same time that reminds me of that feeling of just this looking at something that’s just overwhelming you. Of course, one doesn’t necessarily want to be overwhelmed literally… have a ton of rocks fall on you… but there’s that. 

Mistress Blunt: To each their own. 

Pretty in Pink: Not yet. But that feeling of juncture, of being overwhelmed, of really being overwhelmed by the intensity of something is the sublime. Whereas a romantic love can be very intense, but it doesn’t have that same… I don’t know, at least for me… that intense, overwhelming sensation that flirts with destruction. 

Mistress Blunt: I love that phrase: “That flirts with destruction.” 

Pretty in Pink: I don’t want to be destroyed, but… 

Mistress Blunt: You want to be flirted with. 

Pretty in Pink: Yes, kind of. It’s a domesticated kind of destruction, for sure. 

Mistress Blunt: Coquettish destruction. 

Pretty in Pink: It feels very real at the moment. 

Mistress Blunt: Yeah, and I feel like there are things that can be destroyed… I feel like it’s a very western understanding of destruction to think that it’s something that’s solely bad.

I think in the west, we very much think of destruction as a negative thing whereas in many other cultures, there’s a grander understanding that things need to be destroyed in order for something new to grow. 

Pretty in Pink: Well, that is in Christianity, too. Christ’s death. And he’s in the grave for three days and is resurrected… that is redemption. So you can make the argument there’s that strand of western culture. But again, I know what you mean. 

Mistress Blunt: Are you still religious? 

Pretty in Pink: No, I mean, I really have a soft spot for Catholicism. I find it beautiful, but it is basically nonsense. Beautiful nonsense. 

Mistress Blunt: I do think that Catholicism makes beautiful masochists, though. 

Pretty in Pink: Well, I’ve noticed in my years in this world that there seems to be a disproportionate number of Jews and Catholics in the kink world. I think there’s so much guilt.

Protestants have this confidence in their own salvation… they’re just not tortured in the same way. Well, I guess there’s a fair amount of ritual in Judaism, too, so there’s ritual in both religions, too. And rules. 

Mistress Blunt: And in Judaism, there’s also the ritual leather bondage of Tefillin. And I think any religion, too, with aspects of devotion or self-suffering aestheticism. 

Pretty in Pink: There’s that weird Catholic practice of self-flagellation and cilice (hair shirts). 

Some really hardcore Catholics, like members of this cult called Opus Dei, who actually… there are a couple on the Supreme Court now, I think. It’s a very right wing Catholic cult, and they practice this kind of mortification of the flesh. Cilice is this thing you wear around your thigh that has spikes in it. 

Mistress Blunt: I have one of those!

So shortly I’ll be having the pleasure of chatting with your wife, which I’m excited for. Are there any last words you want on the record before I start chatting with her? I feel like I’ve communicated with her very casually and in passing, but never really had the chance to have a conversation. 

Pretty in Pink: Yeah, you met at that gallery very briefly. Yeah. But yeah, I don’t think you’ve actually ever met. You and she and your Domme friend were going to have a date sometime. 

Mistress Blunt: I know, I was so excited for that. For you to cook for us all! It will be postponed. 

Pretty in Pink: If and when normal life ever resumes. 

Mistress Blunt: Truly something to look forward to. Serving your wife and two other Dommes. 

Pretty in Pink: Yeah, that would be great.

Mistress Blunt: Anything you want on the record before I speak to your wife? Should I tell her that you’re a good boy?

Pretty in Pink: Well, I don’t know, I can’t make such claims. I do miss you… it’s been so long. 

Mistress Blunt: Truly. Well, I am excited to speak to your wife. Now go grab her for me. I want to speak to her without you here.

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