I get a lot of requests from individuals looking to serve me as a personal submissive. This is not something that I offer to individuals whom I do not know. Serving me in a more personal capacity requires proving your devotion and your dedication. Personal service is a privilege that is earned, and one that is sustained through regular and devoted service, sessions and tribute.

My relationships with submissives are always loving, compassionate and if you serve me regularly, they are often deeply personal for me. The exchange of money for my presence and my attention is a crucial boundary in establishing D/s relationships for me. I am privileged in that I am able to be selective enough to only see submissives whose energy I enjoy toying with. I have a harem of a few devoted submissives and devotees, and that is how I like it. The exchange of money provides me the space to help others explore intensity and vulnerability and to take care of myself so I am able to hold space and guide and train submissives in the capacity that I desire. I am grateful to and humbled by the devoted individuals who provide me with this opportunity to to guide them and attend to their growth and development.

These are the submissives who are able to develop more personal relationships with me. I have subs whose wives send them to me for maintenance, subs who are artists who are working on daily self care practices, and subs who feel unable or uninterested in exploring D/s in primary relationships and seek me out as refuge. My devotees are grateful and understand the importance of tribute in our relationship.

The places that I take submissives in a session are not necessarily places that I would like to go in a personal relationship. The boundaries around a professional relationship become a container with which to hold space for things to be worked through. For me to fill you, pour you out and rebuild you. There is no shame in paying a professional to expertly meet your needs.  While I am not a therapist, I find BDSM to be a healing modality and therapeutic. It is difficult terrain to navigate when a primary partner or friend plays the role of therapist.

That being said, many people want things that I am not able to offer. And while I hope that my musings on the relationship between sex work, professional domination and money may help to normalize and unpack some sitgma and shame some people have around seeing professionals; many people want a primary D/s relationship where most of their sexual needs are being met and that’s okay. It always makes me happy when a submissive of mine is able to advocate for their needs and desires and find ways to integrate kink into their relationships in a way that works for them. Sometimes this means they stop seeing me, and sometimes it means they see me more! Here are some tips that I have seen help people find the types of relationships they are looking for:

• Let go of attachment to fantasy or fetishes. I know this might seem counter intuitive, but if you are wondering why you’re having no success in finding a partner who is into dressing up as a spider and cuckolding you with her spider prey and that’s the only way you can get off, you are seriously limiting your options. Be open. Don’t top from the bottom. Try to let go of immediate attachment to your fantasies or fetishes and work on establishing open and supportive relationships with people. You don’t need to settle for a partner who isn’t into what you’re into, but you may need to give a partner time to understand your needs and learn to see how exciting it is to make your fantasies a reality. Work on your communication skills and practice articulating your needs in less stressful situations. If good communication is foundational to your relationship, sharing your kinks and fetishes won’t be as scary! In the meantime, consider seeing a professional so you can make sure your needs are being met too!

• Seek out open partners who get off on other people’s pleasure (or pain!). If you don’t do this yourself, figure out how you feel when prioritizing someone else’s pleasure over yours. Is this something you are able to do? Is it something you can work on? Compassionate, empathic people are often more generous lovers. People often flag for this in more ‘vanilla’ dating profiles as GGG, or open-minded.

• There is nothing wrong with exploring with a professional. Often times this is a good place to practice asking for what you need and not getting shut down (unless that’s your thing!) learning to articulate your needs while being supported by an open and empathic professional can clear up a lot of room for growth and potential space to find what you are seeking in a primary partner. Also, a professional relationship with a dominatrix can still be very rewarding and beneficial and in many cases fits or augments an individual’s needs better than a primary, personal kink relationship.

• See a kink friendly therapist. Talk about your wants and needs. Explore and unpack your baggage, so that when you find a partner worth exploring with, you don’t put it all on them. 

• Build community. Make a fetlife account. Engage in online forums, rather than immediately making an ask from an individual. Go to kinky events. Volunteer. Go to a munch. Be quiet. Observe. Don’t expect anyones time. Be gracious and grateful. Watch how people interact. Take your ego out of it. Instead of asking for someone to serve your needs, ask how you can be of service to others. Go somewhere to learn. Take a class. Ask thoughtful questions. Learn about other people’s experiences and interests.

• Cultivate your interests outside of kink. No one likes a one trick pony. Maintain a healthy work-life balance. Attend to your mental and physical health. Go to lectures, art events, music, shows, dancing. The crowds that attend cultural events are often open-minded and interesting people. Who knows what could happen!

I will be spending some time in West Palm Beach and Los Angeles this January. I will have limited availability and hoping to connect with some like minded kinksters! Please note that I prefer prebookings and longer engagements while I am traveling. I am picky about who I choose to see, so be sure to follow my instructions to make sure that your application stands out. To find out more, click here. To apply to serve, click here.

West Palm Beach: January 8-13
Los Angeles: January 17-22

For those of you looking to wow me this holiday season, here is a little insider information as to what objects I have been fetishizing and lusting after recently… (list in priority order).

1. Sticotti Modular Shelving Units G and C

2. 27″ iMac Retina 5K Display 3.5GHz Processor 1 or 2TB Storage

3. Black Shearling Naska Biker Jacket by Rick Owens (all black, small)

4. Zana Bayne– Diamante Belted Vest (gold hardware) or Bowery Skirt (silver hardware) (small)

5. John Fluvog – Cubist Cupcake, black leather boots,  7.5

6. Edge O’ Beyond, TSE, Journelle, West Elm, or John Fluvog–  $500+ Gift Voucher

7.  Majesty Black – Bolero – Black – Small

8. Garo Sparo – Custom Corsetted Cat Suit – Inquire with me for sizing and instructions

9. Mr. S. Leather – Unlined Leather Hood

10. Axel Whips – Leather (bottom) themed 4′ whip (contact me for specifications)

For those looking for a smaller offering, feel free to peruse my amazon cooking, reading, or health and wellness wishlist.

I will be traveling around quite a bit this summer, primarily for personal pleasure, however I will have a few slots available to meet, play with and train new subs. Advanced noticed is HIGHLY recommended.

with Mistress Couple

La Domaine Esemar, Upstate NY — June 8th-12th: I will be taking solo sessions as well as doubles with my sister, Mistress Couple. All of my nature sluts, this is your opportunity to play outside with the grass beneath your knees and a breeze on your rosy behind. There is also nothing I love more than co topping with Mistress Couple, our energies feed exquisitely off of each other.

Buffalo, NY — June 30th & July 1st: Limited Availability

Portland, ME — July 3rd, 4th and 5th: Limited Availability

San Juan, Puerto Rico — July 21st-25th (tentative dates): Limited Availability

Los Angeles, CA — Mid August: (dates TBD) Limited Availability

**Please note that for travel engagements outside of La Domaine, I have a 90minute minimum, 50% deposit and 1 week notice requirement. A well worthwhile investment for those eager to be at my feet and put to use.

Fall into my pool, boy.

Drown in my reflection.

See what happens…