Mistress Max and I explore the misconceptions surrounding fetishization, the impact of social media on s*x work, and the complexities of power exchange relationships.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Hello everyone. My name is Mistress Danielle Blunt and today I am here with Mistress Max, who I’m super excited to chat with. We have been doing some foreplay over text, chatting about what we wanted to talk about in this episode of ‘Can I Be Blunt?’. I think we’re going to frame today as a little bit of an edge play session where we ask each other increasingly intimate and vulnerable questions, until someone safewords and we have to pause the recording and edit it out. So I’m super happy to be here with you. It’s been so fun getting to know you over the last year. I would love if you couldstart by introducing yourself, telling me a little bit
about how you got into kink and anything about your domination style.
Mistress Max
I’m Mistress Max. I’ve been doing this… I’d
say, almost nine years now. I’ve been online for about five of those years. I’m a femdom producer, I make fetish content and specialize in lesbian domination and findom. I’m based in Canada. People think I’m in the US but I am not.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
So, we both pivoted to more online work at the start of the pandemic, it sounds like.
Mistress Max
Yeah, definitely. I did a little bit of in-person work before, but there aren’t really traditional dungeons like, I’ve heard of in the US where you can actually be employed there and be on their website as
like, an employee or whatnot. We don’t really have that here. So usually I just orchestrate my own sessions via hotels or private locations.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
And you make abundant beautiful content which is so fun to see.
Mistress Max
Thank You. It’s a good creative outlet for my system and weird ideas. It’s been fun.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
I think something else that we have in common is that we’re both lifestyle people. I think it’s always fun to connect with other lifestyle dommes and especially lifestyle dommes who have lifestyle subs who allow themselves to be photographed or who please their domme by being photographed. I’d love to hear a little bit about what that’s like for you because I feel like some of the subs… I don’t shoot a ton of partnered content because I typically only shoot with people that I play with in my personal life. And I feel like more of your subs are down to be filmed. So at some point it’s kind of… documentary of what you might be doing off camera as well and I’d love to know what that’s like for you sharing that.
Mistress Max
It’s definitely been a more recent thing. I’ve had subs in the past that will appear in a few videos whether it’s for sessions or lifestyle stuff.
But recently I’ve had more subs that are down for it. I think also as my platform grows it’s kind of a bonus humiliation that they get blasted on the internet so they kind of enjoy everyone witnessing them being
depraved. I think it’s nice to have subs that are willing to model for me and are aesthetically…pleasing on camera and willing to do whatever I want. Because obviously it just elevates my work and adds more to my income. I like them to be as useful as possible.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
That is a good trait in a sub. I also love what you said about, it’s like the perfect example of how your domme doing well is better for you, of like… the more views this get, he more humiliated you’ll be.
Mistress Max
So you have to do more for Mistress Max to get more. and more degraded so I can get more and more views.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
So more and more people will see what a pathetic little bitch you’re being.
Mistress Max
I had this one sub that always wanted me to make him twerk and I made him twerk on camera and posted that on Twitter and all of a sudden everyone wanted to book a session just for me to make them twerk. And I was like, this is so absurd but hilarious. I’m here for it.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
It’s such a good example too of how social media is this very powerful form of manifestation and how you also have to bed careful what you put out therembecause it can come back to you tenfold and if you didn’t like making someone twerk you’re just like god dammit,
Mistress Max
I’m like, you want me to make you twerk for an hour? Is that it? It’s kind of ridiculous. Highly entertaining but I prefer a little bit more than just making someone twerk on a leash for an hour.
But it’s definitely fun for everyone.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Well, I love that. It would make a great video for you. I feel like something that we’ve been chatting a lot about is our relationship to social media, which can be torturous. I feel like to be a
domme on the internet, you have to be a sadomasochist because it’s such a masochistie experience to be really online.
Mistress Max
Yeah. Because it’s so overstimulating and disregulating, you kind of have to manage your own boundaries to be on it all the time. Obviously it’s such a powerful tool for attracting subs but also it’s hard for people to understand the compartmentalization between, you know,
in-person versus online.n A lot of online I feel like,
is just more about instant gratification and can be frustrating at times.
But I like having all of the different, you know, both lifestyle professional and online to kind of balance it all out.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
I think I say this in every episode of this series, but I once had someone on my fan site… because I come from hardcore old guard leather
lifestyle training, when I was like, 18 I earned my leathers, the classically trained story etc. so I’m so interested in the psychology and getting to know people because that’s what I do personally.nThat’s what I would do in person. Lifestyle and something that
we’ve talked about is, right, it’s like finding the balance of providing a service while also being a domme who likes things in a very specific way and balancing that with these parasocial relationships and the expectation that we’re like inaccessible.
Mistress Max
It’s really difficult because you know a lot of them. aren’t going to differentiate that people have different styles and so they’re just going to come to you with whatever they want and expect you to give it to them.
Which is obviously not the case for most dommes. We don’t want you to have instant gratification, you have to work for it a little bit.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
I think it comes down to the difference between those who fetishize female dominance, who will put any woman on a pedestal and project their fantasy onto them and then the people who are coming to us
for something specific about our branding or specific about our style
of domination that we have to offer. I feel like you have a much bigger following than I do and I can imagine the way people are coming to you with so many expectations. I’m curious what your relationship is as someone who is highly visible online with these types of parasocial relationships. I’m sure both from other sex workers and civilians and people who are wanting to give you money or who should be giving
you money.
Mistress Max
Yeah, I mean there’s a balance between, especially when it comes to
marketing, how much you want to appease your fan base
versus maintaining your Domme persona. And you obviously don’t want to have to sacrifice your persona but there’s a lot of situations where you’re having. to teach people how to be a fan or a sub and some of them aren’t subs at all, right? So you’re just going to have to
be the one to help them figure that out, which isn’t always
the most fun experience, especially because I do lesbian domination, a lot of them men don’t read. So they’ll come on my pages and think that I do normal content and be upset when I don’t cater to them. So obviously that gets frustrating at times. But it’s the internet, it’s really not that deep. I don’t take it very seriously. but some of them do, they get very upset because… and we see this even. just with celebrities or any online personas and people really wanting you to do a specific thing. And they will be upset because they feel like they’re entitled to your time and energy. Especially when you’re a domme, that’s not supposed to be the case.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
And they don’t see it as time or energy. I got into this
fight with someone online. I never respond to people who are annoyed. I just do not feed the trolls. I do not give attention to them. But this one person sent me $50 as an introduction. I’m like okay, nice start like let’s talk. I tried to move him to a fan site where the expectation
is that you continue to tip as you’re talking, right?
He tried to frame it as extortion. One of my fans on Twitter was like, Mistress Blunt would never do that, you must have done something wrong. Like, defending my honor in the comments and I thought it was very sweet but I’m just like, wow, the expectation that this fan gets to determine my rate and determine what I do for $50 and how much of my time they get to take up and that anything other than that is extortion is just so,
so wild.
Mistress Max
Especially when you’re classically trained or like, you know everything
about protocol and whatnot. This kind of behavior is really fucking weird. You don’t approach like that or with immediate like sexual demands. I had someone not too long ago say he didn’t have any money so he’s like, you must accept sexual tributes. And I’m like, I “must” is crazy for one. Shut the fuck up, don’t even talk to me because I don’t like bartering. It’s, especially in the online space, there’s only so much you can really do when it comes to serving your dommes. So you’re going to put your money where your mouth is or be forgotten pretty quickly.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
I do think there’s something about being a lifestyle domme and then a service provider where it’s like why are you trying to jerk off in my messages without telling your name or telling me what to call you?
You don’t even introduce yourself.
Mistress Max
I think it really is part of it being oversaturated and people don’t do their research so they just kind of, it’s just more of a deeper thing about. misogyny usually. They just don’t differentiate between all
of the online sex workers. They think we all do the same thing, that we just exist to look good, and like, you’re hot and get paid. You’ll do whatever I want.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Which also, no worker is just going to do whatever you want. Everyone has their own boundaries and this expectation is wild. You said something that I thought was really interesting about how, because you
specialize in lesbian domination, there is this assumption that you will do things that you don’t offer or that it will be framed in a specific way. And I think something that we’ve spoken a lot about and something I think a lot about is how, when we think about a lot of like,
classically trained dommes, they were not doing nudity, they were not
doing penetration and like, I’ve been working for something between 15 and 18 years and you know, people weren’t doing stuff like that. There were definitely some porn star dommes who were but it wasn’t super common. And one thing I’ve heard is that, because I’ve had so many women submissives, is that I’m “not a femdom” because it’s lesbian domination
and that’s somehow “not femdom”. And another that I’ve heard is the conflation of being penetrated with being submissive. I’m like, if you look at the content, there’s no way you could, unless I’m bottoming (I am a switch). But I don’t record that so that’s not what you’re seeing. So if you are seeing me fuck someone, like I have a video of me fucking a friend who’s in a body bag and I’m using her as a human dildo and I’m like, how is the fact that there’s a cock going into my pussy with my friend in a body bag that I am using as an object to make myself cum over and over again reading to you as me being submissive?
Mistress Max
I kind of strayed away from that content because it was really getting
on my nerves honestly. And not even just from fans but co-stars that were
projecting this idea that like they were getting access to a type of content that I don’t normally make. And that’s weird. So especially when you do content and you’re not in
a mainstream studio porn, you have the ability to frame it however you want, you know, so when people don’t actually respect your boundaries in that context it is really weird. But honestly I think it just comes down
to people being straight and vanilla and not understanding power dynamics. You know, in the queer community we’re well aware
that bottoming doesn’t equate to submission. Like we have power
bottoms and service tops and labels which you know, don’t necessarily make you one or the other. But I think a lot of people just conflate a lot dominance and submission with gender and that’s when people get confused and start to project all of their weird internalized
misogyny onto you. Because why should dommes’ pleasure be limited just
to humiliation or whatever the sub wants. Obviously if I want to use
someone sexually then I will, I don’t know why that would negate anyone’s persona as being a dom.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
I think it can negate their understanding of their fetishization of female dominance where like… you’re always clothed, making no pussy content. But I’m also like, I’m going to torture you with my pussy. I am comfortable with both and I actually really like using all of my sexuality as part of style.
Mistress Max
I feel like it just enhances your power because why would I be bothered by that?
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Yeah. I like sex. Exactly. And I don’t believe in alpha men. This is my toxic belief. Well, I don’t know if it’s toxic. My like… antithetical to a lot of femdom beliefs is I’m like, I’m not having sex with alphas.
I’m fucking my subs who earned it and who I want to use. That is, I don’t know if I want to say no judgment because I might be judging.
Mistress Max
No, I’m definitely judging the dommes that call their boyfriend Alphas. Bbecause like, I would be more inclined to call them a bull or something. Or not call them an alpha just because I’m fucking them.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Yeah. Or like, dom for dom, like, co topping. I think that’s hot.
I started seeing someone recently who identified as a pleasure dom and I
think it’s a disgusting, heinous word for men to identify as
because- First of all…what about the torture?
Mistress Max
Yeah. You’re just a human fuck machine. A service top
Mistress Danielle Blunt
You want to bring me pleasure and thankfully I can read the subtext and explain to you that like, that is not what’s happening here. I’m fucking
you and while I’m using you I will explain to you why this
is an incorrect terminology for you to identify as and why you’re actually my little bitch.
Mistress Max
Yeah, fucking them while you tell them how wrong they are. That’s a good scene too.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Top tier, right? Behavior modification. I feel like my style of domination is very much whatever tool is at my disposal, whatever pleasure is at my disposal. I’m trying to figure out how to say this without talking to the children but, you know, like for younger dommes who might be reading this, I do feel like I didn’t do penetrative stuff that I did in my personal life professionally for a while because of some of the stigma around it and I’m like, oh , I kind of internalized some of that whorephobia.
Mistress Max
I feel like it was the opposite for me because I didn’t have any issue doing it until people made it a problem for me. And also because I do pro-domme sessions as well, they’re not capable of differentiating. Like, some of them- they will apply to get fucked. And I’m like- that’s not what this is. Just because you see me doing it in my BDSM lifestyle does not mean this is what I do in professional sessions. And just because you have the privilege of watching it online doesn’t mean you’re ever going to get that chance. Especially because you know they can’t even make that distinction. I don’t like to cross those things over if they’re like, heavy consumers of my porn. It’s very unlikely that you’re going to be one of my lifestyle subs because they’re only going to see you a certain way.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Yeah. It’s funny. I started doing porn because of specific things that I did in my professional practice that weren’t being flagged properly and I’m like, oh, people don’t know that I do this and that I enjoy this and so, let me make a little video. It was like a form of promotion. But yeah, I think it’s hard when you can’t always explicitly say things because of criminalization and so I feel like we can’t always communicate
or negotiate with the specifics that we might want to. So I feel like that’s always really interesting. I think it’s funny that we had very different, very opposite experiences. I think it goes back
to that parasocial relationship and the way that we’re both impacted by the things that we see in the way that people are responding to us also.
It’s like as if we’re public figures. I think something that really bothers me is- I think you’ve been working this long but, with the removal of Backpage and with FOSTA SESTA, there’s been this transition from… we’re like visible in this way that sex work has never been visible before. And then I think back to like, friends who are 10 years older than me who did one photo shoot a year and posted a quarterly ad in DDI and took one one different photo from that photo shoot and just like fucking stacked sessions and made bank and I’m just like, ok… let’s do a meditation. Imagine you are in a world where sex work is not criminalized. It was then too but, imagine sex work is not criminalized
and you can just advertise your services without having to be a fucking content machine. I feel like to be making the type of money it seems like we both want to be be making, there is this like, push of the necessity of visibility while we’re fighting in this ecosystem that suppresses and erases our content. And then people because of that, like I don’t think,
I don’t know about yourself but I am not making content because I want to be an influencer. I am not making content because I want to be seen or visible. I am making content because I specifically want to be making money specifically in these one-on-one interactions and like, all of what I make is just a web, from the top of the funnel, to funnel directly to me for me to control you explicitly and exquisitely into this handful of people. And I think the visibility of sex work because of this has destigmatized it in some ways. But I think it also has increased the parasocial relationships where people treat well-known dommes as if we’re celebrities.
Mistress Max
Also the wrong ones. The “TikTok dommes” etc.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Tell me more!
Mistress Max
It’s the girls with the, they’re going to hate me for this but like, the really watered down findom. I just the saw one girl get $200 for flipping someone off and was like, I’m going to make a findom account and you know, you can tell by their tweets and whatnot. It’s just, “fuck you pay me” over and over and over again. That’s not working out for you.Do you know anything about psychology?Have you actually learned anything? And I’ve also seen, and this comes in a lot with the whole influencer thing…
because I see these girls marketing like, “how to be a professional brat
without ever taking your clothes off” and they’re teaching people sex work but very like, pandering to the vanillas. It’s like in a kind of…
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Whorephobic way?
Mistress Max
They’re like, oh you don’t have to do this. And ultimately like, the
best findommes are working. Like, yes the fantasy is largely pretending that it’s very easy, which is something that’s always been
difficult for me with findom. because obviously you’re fucking working,
but you have to give the impression that you know, they’re just funding this luxury lifestyle and you are giving the impression that you’re just sitting there and looking pretty and getting paid.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
I fucking hate that. It drives me insane.
Mistress Max
That could be a whole multi-hour discussion
Mistress Danielle Blunt
And looking hot and making content and being a domme are multiple full-time jobs.
Mistress Max
I’ve seen a lot of it on TikTok and that’s why I was confused when people
were referring to TikTok Dommes and I had to look into it and they really just… make tiktoks and have a payment link attached. And I’m like, is that actually enough? Because it’s so oversaturated now. There’s no way.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Yeah. How do you find people respond to you in public? Like if you’re at a fetish event or something like that and maybe they’ve seen your clips.
Mistress Max
I’ve only just started ‘cause I really like buckled down and did a lot of online shit. I was not socializing much for a few years so I’m just starting to go out to more fetish events and stuff now and people do recognize me. I was like, oh that’s crazy. Someone called me like,
the biggest domme in Canada. I was like that’s crazy. I don’t know about that but yeah.Interesting for sure. I don’t know, it’s like
gratifying I guess it’s nice like socializing but I have
considered, you know, separating and having more of a personal fetish persona.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Yeah, people are weird.
Mistress Max
I have had safety issues and stalkers and whatnot
and even like recently I go to these fetish parties and people will look me up after and try and contact me on some like social stuff and that’s not what I’m trying to do. You’re going to meet me at the event, that’s it. We’re going to have a good time. But you’re not going to try and solicit me for sexual things. It’s been nice though. I’ve been enjoying socializing, especially since we’re much more… I mean we still have COVID
and whatever, but events are happening more regularly again.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Yeah. I once had someone come up to me at an event and be like, oh my god, Blunt, hi! And just start talking to me and I am socially awkward.
I will say that, and like can’t read social cues in large social settings. I was like, oh my god, I’m so sorry, I have facial aphasia. I’m like, I don’t recognize you. Can you remind me your name? And they gave me their name and I’m like, can you just send me a message on social media so I can place you? I didn’t follow this person!
I had no idea who they were! And I had a whole conversation instead of being like, I’m a really big fan of your work and then like, asked me
a question about myself. I felt so gaslit. I was trying to be polite
and trying to be like, oh I must just not remember, because you wouldn’t be interacting with me this way if I had not met you. Like, that would be weird.
Mistress Max
I have had that happen as well. It’s definitely a little strange. People
can just say like, I’m a follower or a fan or whatever, you know,
that’s a lot better.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
I’ve had people say that and we’ve had great conversations after it’s, you know, just don’t be weird.
Mistress Max
I say the same thing to people if I’ve never met them before, like why am I trying to pretend like we know each other just because we’re mutuals,
or even not on the internet, you know? And also it’s hard because a lot of it is marketing, you know, like it’s not actually who people are
as a person.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
I feel like my branding is like, who I am at my best. Like if I have a hundred percent of my energy and a hundred percent of my
faculties at the time, you know, it’s just like of a version of myself
that is not representative of the fullness of being a person. I think when people won’t let you step off of that pedestal, it can be really difficult. You mentioned total power exchange, which is something that I like too, and I recently ended a five year pretty-close-to-total- power-exchange personal relationship where like, I think it’s really scary because I think you have to have a lot of trust in the other person because, and I think, right, like I think about this stuff a lot
because when you are doing total power exchange, right, like consent is the consent or like negotiation, because I feel like consent doesn’t even fully cover total power exchange when you’re consenting to consenting.
Mistress Max
Yeah it’s definitely like a CNC kind of thing and you’re just kind of in
charge of their entire wellbeing or whatever parameters you decide on and whatnot.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
How would you define or describe your relationship to total power exchange or like what you look for in that way. What does Max like?
Mistress Max
Online or in person? In my personal life, well because I’m so busy of course I still expect them to have some kind of independence. You know, it can’t be just like yes, total power exchange but it cannot consume my
entire life, of course. Like I enjoy service subs and stuff as well. So I really want them to be useful in pretty much all aspects of my life. They have to have a good base, like need to be a stable person and because it’s such an intense dynamic, they need to have done a lot of work on themselves and be prepared for that vulnerability as well. Being able to communicate all of these things is very important. Also, just be okay with how obsessive and controlling I’m going to
be.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Tell me more about the obsessive and controlling.
Mistress Max
I feel like controlling them in full, more so like physically I think yeah, like what they can eat or drugs they can take. They have to do certain…there’s like thresholds, minimum thresholds for how much physical activity you have to do, how much of your body you’re going to give to me every week, all of that. So it’s definitely fun to negotiate. Even the negotiations I find very fun.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
I feel like negotiations can be so hot. The contract that I drafted
up was done with a kinky lawyer and it was three part scene in and of itself and like was just, it was very fun to do with a kinky lawyer just who understood that it was a scene. I think another one of the risks that I’ve found is that in total power exchange, what people want isn’t always
aligned with what they need or are capable of. So then as the domme it’s
also like a constant negotiation between you and your submissive.
Mistress Max
Because it can be revisited at any time. Like it needs to meet people’s needs and actually needs to be working and that’s why the
communication is so important.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Yeah. I’ve done food restrict stuff with a submissive where it started triggering old ED stuff and I’m like, let’s stop. Now’s not the right time to to be doing that. And I think being able to be flexible like that
and also like understanding of the sub I think under like yeah I guess like I look for subs who can communicate, who like able to self-regulate is something that’s like incredibly important to me. Like I think because of like, I like total power exchange and also am a hard like mommy
Domme I think like I get like a lot of subs with a very specific type of trauma and who had like a very specific type of mom. I joke that my type is adultified children of narcissists. I don’t know what it is about my branding.
Mistress Max
You have a good mommy voice and demeanor though. I do Mommy sometimes, but it’s not and I think that’s why honestly,
especially online, some of the subs that it attract I find very fucking annoying. Because you know like, mostly it comes down to what I’ve noticed with a lot of them that are not trained or have done their research, it comes down to needing to be mommied in the
most irritating things. Like, how to make an appointment or just really simple things. I don’t want to have to do that. I’m nurturing and I
enjoy that aspect of it, but I don’t like babying grown men into something they should be able to do.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
You have to be able to be a mean mommy.
Mistress Max
If anything I’m literally the abusive Asian mom. Like I’m going to make you kneel on rice and do all this crazy shit.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
I feel like those clips will go wild.
Mistress Max
Yeah, because I definitely do get Asian subs that want the mommy play and I’m like careful…because I’m not the kind of mommy you’re probably looking for.
Mistress Danielle Blunt
Maybe the kind of mommy you need. Yes.
-That was just part one of a two part interview with Mistress Max.Join us next week for par two of this episode of ‘Can I Be Blunt’, where we discuss the complexities of exploring D/s dynamics, how technology plays a part in the future of fantasies and how kink can lead to self discovery.