Femdom GFE: An Interview with Rose Gibson

I had the opportunity to chat with Rose Gibson about femdom girlfriend experience (GFE), financial domination (findom), and nurturing long-term D/s relationships.

As always, you can check out the full hour-long interview here or on my OnlyFans.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: I’m recording now. Okay. Hi, my name is Danielle Blunt, I’m a professional dominatrix in New York City, and I’m here today with Rose Gibson to talk about femdom GFE and some other of our intersecting interests.

Rose Gibson: Hi. I’m located out in the San Francisco Bay area, but I tend to, in other times, be in New York and Seattle quite a lot and travel a bit, and I do a bit of everything.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: We love to see that, awesome. I think I want to start by asking you what is your ideal session? I like to think of these conversations as a way to chat about what we want, what we’ve had in the past, but I’d be really interested in hearing if someone comes to you for a femdom GFE, girlfriend experience, type of session, what would your ideal evening look like?

Rose Gibson: That’s a great question. I love so many different kinds of angles, and I think that one of my favorite structures for a date, as you know, I do mostly escorting with quite a lot of fetish and femdom in there.

I love to start off with a dinner date. Dinner dates or overnights are the perfect kind of way to settle in and go through quite a few of the motions, you have plenty of time for breaks and to get into the much more elaborate side of things. Plus, I love a little bit of the subtle public aspect, if you can bring it into it, like wearing a butt plug out to dinner or a vibrator with a remote, as I’ve been on both ends of that, receiving and giving.

It’s just one of the fun, subtle, polite ways to engage in a little bit of public play, and there’s just something so fun about being out to dinner and knowing what you’re going to give somebody for dessert, whether or not that is a bit on the meaner side or you are going to grace them with a bit of a fun shower later, of sorts.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: I love that. I also really love dinner dates. I think that there’s something really sexy about taking the time and the space to both detach from everyday reality, as well as tapping into this space of attunement with one person.

I no longer do one-hour sessions, just because I think it takes a lot of energy to get into a head space that I like to play with, especially exploring more intense, personal, intimates types of domination or submission.

Dinner just feels like an elaborate tease to me when I’m going out with someone.

Rose Gibson: Yes. Definitely agreed on that. I also don’t offer one-hour sessions. Right now, my minimum tends to be four hours or so, which is already the majority of my dates, luckily.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah, that’s amazing. I think people overestimate what can be accomplished in an hour.

Rose Gibson: In an hour, oh my God.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I think of it a lot, too, in altered states of consciousness, especially for a heavy D/s dynamic. It’s going to take at least, at the very minimum, 90 minutes to move through some of those different brain states, and I don’t want to rush that or feel like there’s not time for aftercare.

I feel like, sometimes, the sweetest part of the session are just after, when everyone’s exhausted and you’re just laying there and giving or receiving aftercare.

Rose Gibson: Agreed. I definitely have had quite a few, especially new-timers, who are like, “Okay, this and this and this is what I want to do. This is on my list for what I want to do in this hour or hour-and-a-half-long date.”

And I feel like people do, in general, tend to have higher expectations than they understand what the reality of certain things is, especially since quite a lot of things, like rope play or piss play, require setup or cleanup.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah, the little things that you don’t account for in your fantasy that just don’t exist.

Rose Gibson: Exactly.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: The logistics or the limits of a human body.

Rose Gibson: And then when somebody shows up, I want us to have a bit of a rapport, to not just go straight into the motions.

I certainly prefer the relationships that you build over that long-term, if you have regulars and then you’re seeing them for longer periods of time, then you can really develop a rapport, and you get to be so much better at meeting their needs and finding out what it is that you two are connecting over and experiencing together.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. It’s really interesting that you say that because I feel like where I’m at in my career now, I have a fairly high barrier to entry with deposits, I’m not going to see you the same day, I’m not going to do a small session, and I feel like I haven’t seen a lot of hobbyists because of that, which is also really nice because I also prefer…

I think it’s a different experience to see someone who’s a hobbyist who wants to experience a wide variety of different femdom GFE-type providers, versus someone who’s interested in exploring something more deeply and intimately with you over a long time, and that’s definitely also something that I think we have in common is that I much prefer those types of connection.

And especially before delving into an intense D/s dynamic, I think it’s really nice to be able to have a conversation where you’re outside of that dynamic before going into it.

Rose Gibson: Yeah, absolutely. I’ve had very much the same. First dates, I love the fun newness and the connection there, but they really pale in comparison to the next building of that rapport.

Probably the best first dates that I’ve really had with clients have been when I have been doing a duo with somebody who has seen them for a long time before or if I know, personally, their references and have a good rapport with the client over email very shortly and that sort of thing.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: That makes sense, if you’re seeing someone who’s in a more established duo, to be able to fall into their pre-established connection. I also feel like, this probably makes a lot of sense, my best first-time sessions are ones with people who then become regulars or where that’s not off the table.

I feel like, so often, people think that we’re mind-readers and that chemistry and attraction and falling into pace of what they’ve built up the session to be in their head can sometimes be a little bit unrealistic. Rather than setting an outcome for the end of a session, I would love to end with both people feeling good and like there was some sort of movement or need that was being met or something that was being seen or reflected back with a client.

And I think people can be very outcome-focused. And it’s often the later sessions where I really get somewhere, and that’s the work that I typically really enjoy, which is why femdom GFE and continuing to build up that type of relationship with a client over the space of many months, or even many years, is, for me, much more fulfilling.

Rose Gibson: Yeah, definitely agreed. I tend to find that clients who don’t see me again are often also the people who are asking for the most in the very beginning.

And I wonder whether or not it’s just that they had such high expectations of me or of our session or of themselves and just left feeling disappointed, or whether or not they find it a down-to-business, like, “I just am here to get this out of my system,” and then they get on with their lives for a few more months or a year or however, and then they see somebody else and they get it out of their system again.

That really, I find, does not mesh with me as well because, as we’ve been talking about, it’s the long-term and giving your different proclivities space to get out and develop that kind of energy, as you were saying before.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s just a very different type of client or set of interests. I know people who love one-off sessions and are just like, “I love that, where I thrive is jumping into a session and picking up what someone’s giving out and giving them a great experience,” but I think that there’s something very different between a client who’s going to book a session last-minute to meet an immediate need versus someone who is going to read every word on my website and be like, “No, [inaudible 00:10:43], it’s you that I want to serve.”

Rose Gibson: Yeah, absolutely.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: And that’s definitely where my best sessions come from.

Rose Gibson: Definitely agreed. It feels a lot more bespoke. We both have very well thought-out and heavily worked-on websites, and so there’s quite a lot that people can learn about you and I when they’re researching us, and so I find that people who really go and spend their time looking for somebody who is going to match them well, they tend to get the most out of the experience in the end.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I think that’s true for so much about life, too. If you’re doing the research and figuring out what you want, and, for some people, that might be like, “I want a one-off session with this person, they’re super hot,” good for you, and then I’m not particularly interested in those type of dynamics. But I’m interested, you do work as a switch, right?

Rose Gibson: Yes.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yes. I feel like with GFE experiences, it’s oftentimes thought to be a more submissive role. If you don’t agree with that, feel free to let me know, but I feel like that’s a lot of the marketing that I see and that someone who’s offering more of a femdom GFE-type experience is less often the case.

Rose Gibson: Yeah, I definitely have seen quite a lot of people who have that idea.

Personally, I don’t know, maybe they’ve just not been finding the right connection with people because even in some of the more what people would like at and see “vanilla” sex or play that I have, even just the energy that you bring to it really determines how that feels and the roles that you end up in, respectively.

I certainly think that bringing enough power to the sex that I have, I have quite a few clients who would disagree that that inherently puts me in a less-dominate position.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Right. I’m trying to think why being in a receptive sexual role for a woman or a fem would be seen as something that makes someone more submissive because, for me, that’s not the case at all, and I rather enjoy penetrative sex, and using someone like a human dildo is very fun for me, than more subtly dominating someone in that capacity.

I feel like some of it comes from the whorearchy, as well, is probably where a lot of that comes from. But, also, the idea that receptive sex makes you feel submissive when that’s not my experience.

Rose Gibson: Agreed. I think there’s a little bit of misogyny and whorearchy in there, for sure, and I think that might be really the foundation of where that comes from.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah, I think so as well. It’s always so interesting to me though because I’ve been working for around 12 years and I’ve seen some of people’s tones of marketing or seen some inter-community drama play out on the internet, on Twitter, [crosstalk 00:14:32]. But I think it can be really limiting to what sex can look like or what sex and intimacy and exploring power can look like.

Rose Gibson: Yeah, definitely agreed. I have been working for about five years now, and even in that five years, I’ve seen quite a span of similar… I think that, often, people get very hung up on certain definitions or associations they already have with something, and they box these ideas in, and then how we were saying bringing too many expectations to the table can really leave you having less fun, I think that’s true in quite a lot of things in life.

If you expect that this act can’t be dominant, then you’re going to just be disappointed, but, also, I think you’re thinking a little bit too small.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah, definitely. This is reminding me of something a boyfriend of mine said when I was younger, which was, “I don’t want you to suck my dick, that’s so degrading,” and I was flabbergasted, I was like, “I always feel so empowered when I’m sucking cock, and I get to control when you get to cum or not,” that feels like a very powerful position for me, especially with my MO of how I like to have sex.

And I can see it being very different if there was a different dynamic. But I feel like people really do, like what you were talking about, limit themselves by classing certain sexual activities as either dominant or submissive, when, really, I think any activity can be done from either end of the D/s spectrum.

Rose Gibson: Yeah, absolutely. I think that it’s just all of these little hangups will really take the joy out of the acts and sex, especially, and I think that’s, obviously, a very common experience.

Sex, people have so many preconceived notions about it, and then I find that, in some of my longer client relationships, I’m meeting with people who haven’t had the space to really unpack that and to reenvision sex as it can be for them, and then getting to watch how they really come into it and enjoy their own sexuality is really wonderful to watch.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah, I love that. I think, too, what we can do when everything goes as well as possible is really create space for people to unpack the relationship with certain activities, especially if we’re playing with anything regarding shame.

I feel like with a lot of BDSM interests, if you’re not coming up in community or having the space to explore those things, shame is oftentimes accompanied by certain desires that you’ve been told, over and over again, you shouldn’t be having.

And I think something that’s really beautiful that happens in these ongoing, more intimate relationships is the chance to somatically unpack that with someone and give them multiple positive reinforcements and positive experiences of them sharing their needs and desires without it being met with anything other than, “Yes, that sounds like a great idea,” if it’s working within the scope of your relationship and boundaries.

Rose Gibson: Yeah, absolutely. It’s really fun to get to see that and really beautiful to watch that transformation over time.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah, definitely. You mentioned that you do some fetish work as well. Are there any certain fetishes that you get really excited when you get an inquiry about? Or maybe anything that you were, at first, like, “Hmm,” and then you were like, “Wow, that was really fun”?

Rose Gibson: Yes, definitely. Two of the big ones for me that I also have really come to love in some of my personal relationships-piss play and financial domination. I really love the interplay of those two within escorting and femdom GFE work because there’s just something so beautiful about getting to, say, Eiffel-Tower-pee on one of your favorite clients with one of your favorite colleagues or friends, and the kind of fun that that brings to the table.

It’s such a funny thing because people have a lot of shame about bodily fluids, and it’s so funny to me because I really don’t have that kind of… there’s no gross factor for me with that. I tend to also not have a lot of squicks around bodies in general, which I know quite a lot of people do, even in the sex industry, I know quite a lot of people who do have those hangups.

And then it’s so fun to get messy sometimes and not think about it. And with financial domination, I loved how that interplays with my escorting clients, and the girlfriend element of it, combined with the very… it hits this bratty girlfriend, like, “Take care of me” and “I need you to show me exactly what you want and how much you want that for me.”

Mistress Danielle Blunt: I love that.

Rose Gibson: There’s really just nothing like getting to, say, sit on somebody’s face while you order Louis Vuittons with his credit card.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: What could be a better evening, truly?

Rose Gibson: Exactly. It’s a nice after-dinner activity.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: A very domestic after-dinner activity.

Rose Gibson: Exactly.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: I love it. It’s interesting, going back to our previous conversation, being a piss top, for me, actually makes me feel very submissive. I have a very shy bladder, and so it’s something I don’t offer in professional settings.

If it happens, it happens, great, but having a shy bladder, that puts me in a different head space. So, I thought that was an interesting example of some of the things that can make someone feel very powerful, as well as somebody having a different relationship to it.

Rose Gibson: I love that.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: I feel like I missed out on a lot of really fun opportunities because I love piss. Have you read Tim Dean’s, The Art of Piss?

Rose Gibson: No.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s like an ode to men pissing on each other, it’s a very beautiful text.

Rose Gibson: I love that.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I also love the femdom element to prolonged relationships, especially when there’s sexual components or there’s more femdomming, escorting-type dynamics because I feel like there’s different responses from clients when they hear that you’re interested in femdom, which, one, all sex work is femdom, that just paying for a service [crosstalk 00:22:24], them being nervous of being taken advantage is something I’ve heard, I’m like, “We’re just negotiating a rate,” I don’t have to do that with all of my clients.

But when people are interested in it, especially in those long-term D/s dynamics, I think that it’s something that is a really beautiful form of power exchange that it’s very romantic, to me, to have someone who has power in this certain capacity actually make concrete steps to give that power to me and to surrender that power to me.

So, it can be very playful or it can be very strict and stern and controlling and someone giving you the space to make those decisions for them. Or I’ve had relationships with clients where I’ve made a budget for them and they had to stick to this budget, and I’m like, “That is so hot.”

Rose Gibson: I love that. I love the way you said that as well. There really is, it’s such a fun exchange of that power, and, obviously, it’s a material way of exchanging it, of giving you more power in that situation.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I think it’s a complex relationship, but in the society that we live in, I think it is one of the most down-to-the-bones forms of power exchange. We live in a capitalist society, you giving someone else control, to some extent, over your money really is a beautiful manifestation of a power play.

Rose Gibson: Yeah, definitely. It’s really a good way to take care of somebody, too, it really shows you care in some ways, and, also, I just love telling people what to do, it just hits the spot.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: It does. And I’ve heard people who’ve told me one thing that they love about me is that they always know what to do [crosstalk 00:24:46] or what I want.

I have one submissive who is like, “You are a great person to go shopping for because you’ll literally tell me… Like, I’m submissive, I’m service-oriented, I want to bring you pleasure, knowing a concrete way that I can always do that for you is super grounding and less anxiety-producing, rather than, “I don’t know.”

Rather than having something be unspoken, it’s very blunt, if you will, of, “Here is one way you can bring me pleasure.”

I also think that there’s something about femdom that’s not as present in other forms of power exchange in that when you’re giving someone financial resources in that way, you’re not increasing their dependence on you, which I think is a very beautiful form of care to be…

I’ve had a submissive who maxed out my Roth IRA for a few years in a row, and I think that that is so beautiful to me, like, “Let me invest in your financial future and wellness,” in a way that’s not like, “You’re dependent on me for this.”

Rose Gibson: Yeah, I love that. And it is such a big thing. I definitely have had some clients over the years who really tried to exploit some of the other power dynamics inherent in this sort of exchange, and it’s really beautiful to have somebody who is trying to materially support you, and not just right now, but really thinking of your future and trying to make you feel more supported.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I’m trying to think of what I want to say here, but I think that there’s something… There’s a relationship with money in all types of sex work, and I think this is sort of what you were touching on.

I’ve had clients who use it as a way to attempt to control me, and so having positive and beneficial experiences where someone is like, “What do you want and need? What makes you feel happy, safe, and cared for?” It feels very healing for those other times where that was not present or where something else was exploited.

Rose Gibson: Agreed. It’s almost wholesome.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Femdom is wholesome.

Rose Gibson: Femdom is very pure and good.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: My job is pure and good, in all forms. I feel like it gets a bad rap from some people. I have a lot of people who come to me, sharing their interests in femdom, but have experiences of it being something that’s unsustainable or where they felt that they were taken advantage of in a certain way.

And I think it does have to be negotiated and explored very intentionally in its best form, it’s a really beautiful transaction. But I think so much of, especially over the last five years, what’s been present online is the fuck-you-pay-me dynamic of femdom, and I think people think that that’s the only way.

But I loved what you were talking about, the bratty girlfriend or the dominant girlfriend who’s like, “This is what we’re doing tonight. We’re ordering these shoes, you don’t get to watch your TV show, and I’m going to sit on your face.”

Rose Gibson: “We’re going to have fun, dammit.”

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. “By any means necessary.”

Rose Gibson: Yeah. I definitely hear you. And I have also seen quite a lot of people… I think that there’s a bad rap in part because of the glamor of it attracting people who aren’t necessarily either used to D/s relationships or experienced in other parts of the sex industry or who don’t necessarily bring the same care to their work.

For me, I really care about and want to nourish the relationships with my long-term clients, and I do have clients who have used it as a very self-destructive behavior, and they burn themselves out really quickly, and they will contact me every few months and have that itch and then burn themselves out.

We can work together to make this a more sustainable experience; clearly, you are craving it and you want to keep it up, and I’m not going to you to try and get things out of you specifically, you are coming to me-

Mistress Danielle Blunt: For an unsustainable dynamic. Yeah. I’ve seen a lot of that as well, and I feel like it’s integrated into the part of the conversation that we were having, that any activity can be submissive or dominate, and any activity can be healthy or unhealthy, depending on where you are, this is what I think, where you’re coming from or what your intention is with it.

I think someone who’s interested in femdom for self-destructive intentions, that’s what they’re getting out of it. I can work with someone to make something more sustainable, but if that’s not what they want, that’s not what’s going to happen. It’s meeting a different need, I think.

Rose Gibson: Yeah, absolutely. And people come to us for all sorts of different needs. And I’m happy to help them scratch that itch.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I’ve been thinking a lot more about femdom, especially now that we’re in a pandemic and I’m doing a lot less sessions, I’ve been doing more financial domination online and on the phone, which feels very different to me than in ongoing GFE-type experiences, and it’s just something that I’ve been noticing for myself, like what about it feels really good and sexy and hot, and what about it I’m like, “I don’t necessarily know if I want to engage with that.”

Rose Gibson: Yeah. It’s definitely interesting. For me, I had more experience with it in person and less online-only, at least I don’t have a lot clients that I hadn’t met who have actually panned out. I’ve had a lot of inquiries like that, but not a whole lot of people who-

Mistress Danielle Blunt: There are so many more inquiries from people who are interested in femdom than people who actually are.

Rose Gibson: Oh yeah. I guess that could also be said for quite a lot of what we do. I do a lot of vanilla GFE and escorting as well, but I find that I can tell from the beginning of an email, especially with kink clients and D/s clients, whether or not things are going to pan out, like whether or not they are serious enough to have paid attention to my website and to know exactly what they’re getting themselves into and stuff like that.

Not a lot of it pans out.

Online versus in-person femdom experiences, it is extremely different, like going and bringing somebody to the ATM is a very different experience and you get a lot of different things out of it than giving somebody your PayPal information, for example.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah, or just the one-button click feels very different than dragging someone to an ATM.

Rose Gibson: I know. A much more personal shame versus public shame, maybe.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: We, here, respect both.

Rose Gibson: Of course. I love shame. As much as I also want to help people work through it, shame is such a fun tool in sex.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: It truly is. And I feel like an underrated tool. It’s a very sexy thing. It’s interesting with how my humiliation sessions have shifted over time, based on my relationship to shame, and I think now I’m at a place where I love to play with people’s shame as an implement, rather than make them feel ashamed about something.

I’m like, “You already have the shame, why would I do more work if you’re just going to… You already got it.”

Rose Gibson: It’s just a button I lightly press on.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: [crosstalk 00:34:09], got it. I heard you say something, you were talking about having a client thoroughly read your website, and I’m wondering if you have any…

I know that when I make my website, I have a question on my contact form and I have a couple of things in the copy that I use to know if someone is actually going to vibe with me, and I’m wondering what you see in the inquiries where you know this is going to be a good time or they’re much more likely to follow through with this?

Rose Gibson: That’s a good question. Sometimes, it’s about how wordy they are. I’m not talking about, of course, a two-page-long email for a first shot, like I don’t need your life story, obviously.

But it is really nice when people check out my website or see my social media and they have an idea of the things that drive me or interest me, and then they bring out their shared interests, whether or not that is sex-related or kink-related or if it’s just, “This is my favorite museum. I see that we have this love of art or writing in common.”

It tends to be people who give me a little bit to work with about who they are as people, they give me a little bit of that vulnerability to really connect with because I write a lot about myself and I try to bring a lot of myself to my marketing so that people know the gist of what my personality is and what I’m like in person and what they can get out of our connection.

And then I have a lot of inquiries where people are just like, “Hello. Here’s my name. I would really like to meet you.” It doesn’t give me a lot to work with.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I feel the same way. There’s the healthy balance between a one-word answer versus your life story, [crosstalk 00:36:23] session.

I really like when people reflect back something that’s on my website, it makes me both know it’s not copy-and-paste and that they took the time to do it. I think it was two years ago, I added a question onto my form, which was, “When was the last time you cried?” I really like it.

First of all, people’s answers are fascinating, and there are ethical reasons I won’t be researching the answers that people have given me, but it gives me a lot of insight into how in-touch people are with their emotions, and I think, relatedly, with their desires. It’s really interesting.

And I’ve had multiple people tell me that they cry while filling out the contact form, which I thought was a really interesting piece of information to share and to work with.

Rose Gibson: I love that question so much, on so many different levels, and the vulnerability you’re already having people lay out for you.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah.

Rose Gibson: I actually have… Yeah?

Mistress Danielle Blunt: I think it’s both that and that they’re actually invested in… I get really interesting answers, so it’s both their vulnerability and also their commitment to wanting to see me.

Rose Gibson: Yeah, absolutely. I have a sillier question in my contact form, which is, “What superpower do you want or would you have?” But it tells me a lot about some people, especially if they delve into why they want it in my contact form. I have gotten some really good answers from it.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: I’m going to ask you a question because I went on Tina Horn’s podcast, Why Are People Into That?! and I told her about that question on my contact form, and she was like, “When was the last time you cried?” And I was like… And so I’m curious what your superpower would be?

Rose Gibson: Man. I think about it every time somebody answers, and my answer definitely changes a lot. I think that the power of invisibility might be my top, at least right now, because I’m such a fucking voyeur, I would love to just get to experience some of the world where I’m getting to just watch people candidly without their knowledge, not specifically in a pervy way, but-

Mistress Danielle Blunt: The curious way.

Rose Gibson: Yeah. I love getting to see people in their day-to-day and their vulnerabilities. Not that I would use it for any nefarious purposes. It’s a curiosity thing.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. That’s awesome. It’s interesting, I think mine’s the opposite. I want to be always cast in perfect lighting.

Rose Gibson: I love that.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: And be able to cast my enemies in terrible lighting.

Rose Gibson: [crosstalk 00:39:50].

Mistress Danielle Blunt: That’s the only one I’ve ever been able to think of when asked that question. Ideally, always have natural magic-hour light gently cascading off my body.

Rose Gibson: I love that so much.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: I’ve thought about this in-depth. But I feel like people share so much about both their interests and their vulnerabilities in questions like that. I think they’re subtle questions that you can ask to really figure out how to find chemistry with a person, which I think is a lot of the work that we do.

Some clients think that chemistry will be a given, rather than something that takes time. I like to tell people, “Chemistry is something that’s found,” I don’t think it’s really made or created, I don’t think you can make chemistry happen.

I think I’m very good at finding chemistry with people who are coming to see me, and I do with the majority of people who come to see me, but you can’t make it out of nowhere.

Rose Gibson: Yeah, exactly. And it’s interesting because I feel like, especially over the years, you really learn how to see just little subtle things in somebody’s communication that give you an idea of whether or not you’ll have chemistry.

I don’t know if that’s true for you, but, for me, I can tend to have an idea from just the initial email exchanges whether or not we’re going to jive and get on and that helps to breed chemistry as well, of course feeling comfortable can be quite a tenet of chemistry as well.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Totally. I think a femdom GFE or a switchy GFE-type dynamic also creates more space to create intimacy because it’s still very boundaried, which I like, but it’s different boundaries than a one-off session.

I’m thinking of this time I had a client who was seeing me for a femdom GFE session, and I knew from their inquiry that it was going to be a very good session, and I was not wrong, but one thing that they did is they booked an overnight, and I personally rarely do overnights for first-time sessions, I know everyone has different boundaries around that, but I was just like, “You know what? Based on this interaction, I feel super comfortable already with this,” and he asked if there was anything that he could have in the hotel that would make me feel more comfortable or that would be nice to have, and it was really, really sweet.

So, he wound up bringing this beautiful bouquet of flowers and home-grown pears that he had grown that he flew with and presented me with, and it’s so incredibly thoughtful, and we had this really fun…

I’m thinking of my favorite femdom GFE session right now, which I might ask you in a second if you have one in mind. We did this really, really intense scene of I wound up waterboarding him while he was mummified in an ice bath.

Rose Gibson: I love that.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: It was so hot. And then I actually love cold water, so, at one point, he was shivering and I went into the bath with him, totally unphased by the ice, and held him in the bath while he was crying, and having this very intense experience.

And then we came out and we wound up, this is so silly, I don’t know how it happened, we just started laughing and playing around, and then we wound up lubing up all of our toes, because he was wearing Latex, and putting our toes together in this weird way, and laughing until 3:00 in the morning.

It went through so many different ways of connecting with someone, it was just really, really beautiful.

Rose Gibson: I love that so much. I love the… you could really get into quite a lot of different kinds of trouble in a longer session.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I think he had mentioned that he was thinking about toes in that way, and it would have never been something I explored, I’m like, “This is really silly and really sweet and really fun.”

Rose Gibson: Yeah, I love that so much.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Do you have a favorite session? I guess I asked you your ideal session. Or just some very sweet gesture that you’ve gotten to experience from your femdom GFE clients?

Rose Gibson: That’s a good question.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Or the best gift?

Rose Gibson: I think that my favorite sessions tend to be the sessions, as mentioned, that are a bit longer, like dinner dates or something where there’s a bit of public time, and getting to have a bit of private time beforehand, really give it to somebody beforehand and then make them take you out to dinner.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yes, dinner on either end can be really fun.

Rose Gibson: Yeah. I tend to like dinner a bit after play, in part because it’s just a bit easier in some ways, also because I love getting as fixed up after getting so disheveled as you can.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: I like that.

Rose Gibson: Just that post-coital or post-degradation or post-whatever walk and getting to… I don’t know, there’s like an intimacy to it to then take that dynamic into a public sphere, even if it’s not something where you’re doing any element of public play. [crosstalk 00:46:29]-

Mistress Danielle Blunt: I think it’s aftercare, too. Sorry, I interrupted you.

Rose Gibson: Yeah. Not at all. It can be aftercare for both of us.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I’ve definitely found, with longer scenes, the overnight can be nice because I think that’s part of elongated aftercare as well, especially for my submissives, they find sleeping in a body bag at the foot of the bed to be a form of aftercare. But I really like dinner after, as well.

My ideal is let’s meet for coffee and chat as two people on the same power dynamic level before we go upstairs and totally throw that idea away, and then going down to have a long and luxurious meal or maybe getting a massage afterwards or having them massage me to bring it back.

And I feel like it really is only within those femdom GFE elongated sessions that there’s really that time to move through different ways of relating with someone that can be really, really beautiful.

Rose Gibson: Yeah. I definitely agree. There’s a fluidity to that dynamic in some ways, which is definitely something that I love about femdom GFE and kinky GFE stuff is just getting to go through all of that together.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I think it’s really nice to be able to relate to people in multiple ways, and it makes me also feel like I have to be less committed to a certain outcome because of that fluidity that you’re talking about, like there’s time for that.

I feel like there’s pressure in some other types of scenes to have a specific outcome, rather than, “Today, you really wanted an intense spanking and whipping, but you actually just needed to lay in bed and cry about something else,” it’s nice to be able to provide that space because I think sometimes what people want isn’t always what they need, and finding ways to bring it closer together, having the space to do that, is always helpful.

Rose Gibson: Yeah, I definitely hear you there. And especially people who are a bit newer or new to you, finding that they have this idea of what they want and then seeing how the play actually goes, by the interplay between us, is also very interesting.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: All right, I have one more question for you before we wrap up. I was wondering, what about you makes you really good at this? What’s special about you that makes seeing you such a treat?

Rose Gibson: I love that question. I just take so much unbridled joy from the whole experience. I love finding out what makes people tick and I love exploring that, I love building these relationships and seeing how they really grow and develop over time.

I’ve just been kinky for my whole sex life and I fucking love it, and I am very much a switch in my IRL play as well, and it’s just something that is part of me and that I love getting to explore my own dynamics and my own relationship to these different acts and these different scenes in this play as well, like I bring some of myself to the table every time, no matter what.

And I do love and appreciate that people sometimes just have a strict persona and that’s wonderful and totally works for other people, but it doesn’t work for me, I’m not much of an actor-

Mistress Danielle Blunt: I feel very similarly, yeah. I wonder, too, if that is correlated with our interest for longer, ongoing sessions, in that while I might be presenting like an idolized version of myself in a session that’s not necessarily maintainable forever or every minute of every day, it is a component of me that I bring to my work, and it carves out space for me to explore things with people in a way that I might not otherwise, which is also really fun for me.

Rose Gibson: Yeah. I love that. It feels like I have an intimacy fetish in some ways.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: An intimacy and vulnerability fetish, I love that. Amazing. Well, I’m so happy to chat with you about this, thank you so much for taking time to chat with me about femdom GFE. I think it’s such a special and unique way of connecting with someone and being intimate and vulnerable with someone.

Rose Gibson: Yeah, definitely agreed. And it has been wonderful chatting with you about it.

Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah, you too. Thank you so much. I’m going to pause the recording real quick.

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Ageplay & DDLG: An Interview with Charlotte Cross

In part one of this interview, Charlotte and I talked about 24/7 D/s relationships and religion in kink. In part two, we talk about ageplay and ABDL, D/s relationships with mommy dommes, daddy dom little girl (DDLG) and its many permutations, and more.

As always, you can check out the full hour-long interview here or on my OnlyFans.

Daddy Dom Little Girl (DDLG), Daddy Dom Little Boy, Mommy Domme Little Girl?

Charlotte Cross: I wanted to also talk about the DDLG and M…MDLG? Ha! Yeah, it never rolled off for me…

Mistress Blunt: Mommy, daddy…

Charlotte Cross: I definitely jerk off to way more mommy daddy little stuff. I had one Mommy Mistress, but in the end I wasn’t getting back what I was giving so I was feeling that I couldn’t trust women. I was terrified and that experience was sooo scary! But also, I always call mistresses mommy daddy. Daddy is gender neutral.

Mistress Blunt: Daddy is totally gender neutral. Recently, I’ve been embodying more mommy space, but also… I also go through phases. (evil grin)

Charlotte Cross: I’m the same way. For the MDLG stuff, one thing I realized is that when I first got into the lifestyle, it was NOT cool to do DDLG! It was frowned upon and littles were not allowed in a lot of spaces. There would be this tone and look pair with Oh, you’re a little?

That got me saying, “I’m not a little! I’m big first of all, and I like to get waterboarded for fun. Do you think you waterboard littles? No, you waterboard bad ass slave girls OK?” I had this diversion to being called a little and kind of still do. I saw that you tweeted something about a submissive little that you have that…

Mistress Blunt: Haha aw, what was it… she was like, “I’m not a little, I’m an Aries.” and then later said, “I’m not a little, I’m just immature!”

Charlotte Cross: That is me to the T! I love that. I say that all the time, “I’m not a little,” but simultaneously also saying Can I have the sippy cup before we go play? Will you put champagne in my sippy cup?

Mistress Blunt: I feel like people exclaim they’re not a little while also having kind of a tantrum. (lovingly chuckles)

Charlotte Cross: Yeah FOR sure.

“It paints its own picture.” (fancy wrist wave)

– Mistress Blunt

Charlotte Cross: Sooo I really wasn’t comfortable ever using the term daddy. I was 17 and on FetLife and thinking, “Guys calling themselves daddy? You don’t even have kids!” I was so offended by it that I posted on my personal Facebook page how awful it was and how, “I could never… don’t call yourself daddy! That is d i s g u s t i n g !”

Now, I built a whole brand around the word daddy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It took me becoming really comfortable with myself and comfortable with another person to reduce myself to this child like person. I feel very safe as a child as one would feel with a caregiver. It took a huge level of security before I could ever say… uhhhHhh Daddy?? I’m still weirded at first.

Mistress Blunt: Daddy? I’m imagining you writing like children-esque book called Are You My Daddy?

Charlotte Cross: It’s funny that you say that because I own this book in Afrikaans. A male dom I played with is South African so it’s in Afrikaans with an English translation. It’s called Is ek Klein? (Am I small?) It’s such a good book he would read it to me. In the end I’d feel, “Okay, maybe I am a little small?” Like alright alright.

Mistress Blunt: Aw, have you heard of The Good Girls Handbook?

Charlotte Cross: I haven’t.

Mistress Blunt: Oh my God, I’m going to see if I can go… oh my God it’s right here. This is not planned but it’s the Young Girls Handbook of Good Manners. It’s so funny, I’ll read you one.

Good manners in class: “Do not draw the teacher’s private parts on the blackboard, especially if he showed them to you in confidence.”

Charlotte Cross: That’s so great, I love that.

Mistress Blunt: It’s so funny it was right here, I summoned it (summoning hand motions)!

I love how you talk about that type of play of tapping into caregiver and little archetypes because that’s what most of it is about for me. I do think there are some age play dynamics that have more incest role play taboo elements. I also think there are ways to play with daddy mommy little dynamics that have nothing to do with that taboo but serve to tap into this nurturing re-patterning attunement. Allowing the submissive to go into flow like head space where they don’t have to think about adult things.

Additionally, I do work as a doula so I have experience and study psychologists who are working with actual children and actual mothers. There’s something really beautiful about watching a parent attune with a child. There is a psychologist named Beatrice Beebe who studies infant attachment to mothers. They showed videos of a baby’s eyes and slowed down mother baby eye connections down to a micro scale amount. You could see the baby and mother’s facial expressions attuning to each other in slow motion. I thought, “That’s what I do in play when it goes well.” It really clicked for me when I started to embrace the mommy archetype more.

Charlotte Cross: Once I finally had a good DDLG relationship, I reserved the word daddy for that person. We did so much of tapping into feeling and expressing emotions and… I could be vulnerable. I was allowed to be vulnerable.

That’s where a lot of my healing from my childhood around attachment injuries, I think a lot of my healing beat started with that. It’s also a big reason why I don’t engage in a lot of sexual stuff in that space. I was always seeking a way to heal and be able to connect with authority figures, and not be used like that. Allowing yourself to be taken care of after that is hard and a lot of people don’t have the ability to do that. I certainly didn’t until I started to tap into DDLG but that took me a long time to understand how I could use that to heal in junction with therapy

Mistress Blunt: It’s interesting, too, especially from the conversation we’re having previously of losing yourself in another person, especially for people who are adultified. For an actual child and who took on the caregiver role very young, it can be very healing to allow yourself space to explore what not having responsibility is like.

**Adultified: To treat a non-adult like an adult.

It’s important and can be really healing. It can also be super triggering for people. Most especially with people who really regress within a scene. I encourage people to find a kink supportive or affirming therapist.

24/7 D/s Relationships & Religion

Charlotte Cross: My therapist is a kink positive therapist and she’s amazing. I’ve been with her going on six years so she’s seen all my ups and downs of play. One day she told me, “You know, you seem so much more dominant now than you were like, a while ago.” Then it hit me that I just wanted to be vanilla and just be strong. I didn’t want to be defined in kink terms right then.

Mistress Blunt: That’s a good boundary.

Charlotte Cross: I never thought I would get to that point. I described it as waking up in the morning, and doing my slave positions was as if I was slamming the last little bit of heroin that I had. It felt like a drug and it felt like an addiction. I didn’t know how I was ever going to feel that high high that I got from serving someone.

I had to detox. I want to be able to still have fun during play, because eventually it got to the point where it was not fun. It wasn’t healthy to feel always on the edge of needing to be correct for something. I wasn’t getting what I needed.

Mistress Blunt: It’s an altered state, especially if you’re someone who falls deeply into that. For one of these interview series, I got to interview my former submissive. She would refer to doing service for me as church and she would express –

“A lot of my time was devoted to like being at church and that was my self care.”

It was interesting to be able to have that conversation with her after our relationship. It wasn’t cold cut so we were able to be in touch slowly throughout it, which was very helpful. She describes it as something very similar as to like, “The thing that I was doing to care for myself is no longer an option. What do I do???”

Then there was also me, “Cooooool, I got to clean my house now.” I had much more things to do then.

Charlotte Cross: That’s so crazy that she says that because that’s what I call play.

Mistress Blunt: Really?

Charlotte Cross: Yes. I used to worship my dominant as though he was God to me. I have the whole playlist of Christian music that I would listen to before I would get into a head space and play it all day long. I’d sit in the corner with my gas mask listening to this! If you take a lot of Christian music and you apply it to D/s… you can easily pretend the dominant is God. It’s tribute.

Mistress Blunt: I actually have a lot of Hasidic** clients because they like that I look very Jewish. It’s very similar. I have a client who prays to me. I’m culturally Jewish, not particularly religious, but I do know a fair amount of the prayers. He will change them slightly to be in worship to me and you can watch him going into this divine trance like you might see someone doing in intense prayer.
**Hasidic: Jewish religious group.

Charlotte Cross: My mom is Jewish so technically I am biologically Jewish, but I was adopted by a preacher. So I got the best of maybe both worlds.

Mistress Blunt: In my experience, I think there’s something about a religious upbringing that makes people very interested in service.

Charlotte Cross: My mom is very Christian religious now. Much of what she says makes me want to say, “I think you just want to be in a kink relationship.” The last time I spoke to her she told me her therapist said she needs to nurture her inner child and I’m here thinking that could easily be a fit!

Mistress Blunt: I feel like it’s like tapping into the same universal desire for connection. Almost altruism to some extent, and nurturing for each other in community.

Charlotte Cross: Haha, yeah but with kink you don’t have to give a tithe!

Mistress Blunt: You can tithe your dom! I actually have people who tithe me.

Charlotte Cross: I love that. I just think this way you don’t have to give all these televangelists anything, you don’t have to shame anybody for being gay… we could have so much more FUN if everybody just got kinky! The world would be a much better place.

Mistress Blunt: There’s something about it, too. Kink is more negotiated and talked about rather than a given. In its healthiest permutation, a D/s relationship is well negotiated and boundaried and consensual. In my opinion, religion, especially if you’re like indoctrinated as a child to a very religious space is virtually none of those things.

Charlotte Cross: I used to say all the time that my dad’s a preacher, but my daddy is an atheist. I was playing with somebody who’s a hardcore atheist and the first task he ever gave me was to read one atheist book a week. He told me, “I’m going to save you by unsaving you.” and thus I’ve read all these Christopher Hitchens books and it really fucked with me. Suddenly, I was feeling –

Whoa, I have no religion now? Oh my God, God’s not real???

Mistress Blunt: Let’s just find something else to worship.

Charlotte Cross: I got so heavy into my devotion to my dominant after that because I needed a God, they were my God now.

Mistress Blunt: I think religions often also have a masochistic element. I do think it is meeting a universal need. There’s a reason why there are so many similarities between different religions. D/s is just like another way of negotiating those needs being met. Any time I can find attunement with somebody, that creates an altered state for me and that feels like godlike.

Charlotte Cross: I just recently started to understand and enjoy what top space feels like. For a while it felt like I took too much Adderall and I’d think, “I hate it here! This horrible, how do people like this???” It’s very hyper focused and paying attention to everything. I finally am now able to enjoy it. I didn’t used to like topping men, I really hated it. I’d get frustrated and wonder, “Why are you so whiny? I don’t even whine this much, okay?”

Mistress Blunt: Honestly that sounds like a hot thing to say to someone.

Charlotte Cross: Hahaha, listen, I don’t know why male subs that I played with have been extra whiny but if I can get waterboarded every Tuesday and take it and THEN get whipped 100 times without sobbing then you are fine. Okay? Suck it up.

Mistress Blunt: There’s a scene that really sticks out to me in porn. I can’t remember who it was, but the bottom was afraid of a cattle prod and she just cattle prodded her tongue. Hot.

I also like trained from the bottom up so I know what this feels like and I can do that better than you.

Charlotte Cross: I was classically trained as well, so I know what you mean by going through it. Despite topping well, I don’t enjoy doing it much. I’m starting to come into it. My first dominant taught me how to do sutures and I know what it’s like to have your lips sewn shut, your eyelids sewn shut, etc.. I know what that person is going through. I hate this movie, but I think it’s the only thing that 50 Shades of Grey hits on that’s somewhat legitimate – how he was a submissive first.

Mistress Blunt: I think that movie is an abusive relationship where they do some kink stuff.

Charlotte Cross: Oh, yeah, it really is. I’m really pro classical training meaning that you should learn from the bottom up.

Mistress Blunt: At the very least, try out what something feels like on your body. I like breaking in toys on my own body.

Charlotte Cross: Caning yourself.

Mistress Blunt: Yes like a self-flagellation. “Oh a new toy???” (mimics flagellating self)

Mistress Blunt & Charlotte Cross: (both laugh adorably)

Mistress Blunt: What you’re said about top space being hyper aware is really interesting. For me, it’s really fun because I’m very anxious and hyper vigilant person in general. Top space in its best permutation for me is hyper vigilance, but for good. The hyper vigilance of attunement where there’s some feedback and it’s not just my anxiety spiraling. I am able to tunnel that hyper vigilance and craft something with it. It flows.

Charlotte Cross: That’s how I feel about high protocol, because I’m very anxious. I have OCD so I’m very medicated for it. I still crave structure. Prior to this interview you asked what I get out of 24/7 dynamics and it’s a place to really throw all of my anxiety and my need for everything to be like cookie cutter. With 24/7 I know what I’m supposed to be doing at any given time. It alleviates a lot of the anxiety that I sometimes get playing with new people where there aren’t as many boundaries. You can’t just go 24/7 with a light start.

Mistress Blunt: Something that D/s dynamics and D/s relationships offer is structure and people like it a lot. Clearly, many people are into it.

Charlotte Cross: Have you read the book The New Bottoming or The New Topping?

Mistress Blunt: I’ve read the originals.

Charlotte Cross: Did you like them or…?

Mistress Blunt: I think they’re a decent beginning resource.

Charlotte Cross: I had mentioned earlier kink wasn’t fun anymore because I was needing everything to be perfect. I sometimes get into this place where I’m really driven to have things in a leather standpoint and done a certain way.

Mistress Blunt: Very tightly leather.

Charlotte Cross: Yes, exactly. I’d feel, “This is wrong, you did this incorrectly and now I’m not having fun.” I got into this place where I’m I need to be reconditioned or reset. When I read that book and it was so simple and made me feel less leather anxious.

Mistress Blunt: I love that. I feel like going back to beginner text is always a good idea. I remember I gave an interview like three months ago, and they asked –

Tell us what BDSM stands for.

And I’m like, “The B…uhh…the D and the S stand for TWO things.” It reminded me that wow, sometimes going back to the basics is super helpful.

Charlotte Cross: It felt so simple. The original versions of the book were much more San Francisco, strict leather. The new book was not and explain the why to instead of the how to. I feel like BDSM has evolved to be better and healthier.

Mistress Blunt: I totally agree. I’ll go check out the newer versions. Maybe this is a good spot to end this conversation – the evolution of old guard into new guard. I learned a lot but also I think you can take what serves you and leave the rest because there’s some really problematic shit that I don’t want to replicate in any of my relationships.

Charlotte Cross: That’s a really good way of looking at it. Take what you want and leave the rest.

Mistress Blunt: Perfect.

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Lesbian BDSM Litrotica: Curly Haired Sluts

One of my favorite tasks to give to submissives, lovers, and creatives is to ask them to write an erotic femdom story for me. You can learn so much about some one’s psyche through what they reveal in text. mée rose wrote me this incredibly sexy story about being overcome with desire for a powerful woman and dominatrix, me. I am still blushing while reading this short story about Femdom, breath play, foot worship and the desire of a sweet submissive slut. I am sure that you will enjoy this femdom story full of lust and longing too.

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Socca: French Chickpea Crepes with Mistress Victoria Robinson

I had the pleasure of meeting Mistress Victoria Robinson at my monthly femdom gathering in New York City, New York. As soon as we began talking, we uncovered uncanny similarities in our BDSM histories, our parents’ professions, our kink interests, our vanilla hobbies (cooking and fermentation), our physiques, and the clients who have graced us with their submission.

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Boot Worship: Boot Fetishists on Bootblacking

International Ms. Bootblack, KD Diamond, came over to chat with Tina Horn and I about bootblacking history in old-guard leather communities. The three of us train some eager submissives in the art of bootblacking. Tina Horn and I volunteer our boots to be polished and worshipped. Below, I’ve included a very horny transcript, edited for clarity and brevity. 

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Femdom Stories: Tapped by Mistress Blunt

During quarantine, one of the ways I’ve been fostering my D/s relationships and keeping in touch with my submissives is having them write me stories about their deepest, darkest desires. I will continue sharing my favorite femdom stories, which have been written for and about me, here on my blog. (You can read through the archive here.)

This story was written for me by a sweet financial domination submissive, who begged my permission to write about what it would be like for him to meet a financial dominatrix (that’s me) in the wild. He writes in detail about how I slowly take control of his finances, his wallet, all of his thoughts… his life.

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An Orgasm Control Tale: There and Back Again by the Quantified Sub

Let’s talk about data, baby!  Riddle me this: In a world of metrics, where we can measure the number of air particles per square unit of air, have you ever been curious if we can measure how horny you really are? Can orgasm control be optimized through the study of a submissive’s responses? What the odds of feeling horny on a Tuesday versus a Saturday are? Have no fear; the Quantified Sub is here! You are welcome on this scientific journey of discovery. 

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