Femdom Stories: Feminization and Gender Play

Today I am sharing (with her permission) a deeply personal reflection from one of my online submissives who reflects on her gender identity in relationship to porn, erotic hypnosis and feminization role play. She talks about a 3-part series on “forced”-feminization and therapy roleplay that I created for her. I like to refer to my work with gender as “feminization induction” rather than sissification or crossdressing sessions. This was one of my favorite custom videos I have made to date. I loved reading her reflections on gender, porn, and the impact the custom videos she commissioned from me had on her. I hope you enjoy it too.

Gender Identity, BDSM, and Feminization and “Sissification” Hypnosis and Roleplay: reflections from a submissive.

“Growing up I often found myself wishing that I had been born a girl. I didn’t have a language of gender dysphoria, transgender, tens-femme, trans-woman, at the time. Nobody really ever talked about transness except as a joke or when it would pop up in some very degrading mainstream porn. I remember being in my early 20s, having started my own therapy with a gender specialist therapist, and being on a little day trip by myself when I suddenly felt my body vibrate energetically as there was an internal realization that “I am a woman”.

I then went to my local adult toy shop and bought a few DVDs and magazines featuring transgender performers. This was almost a decade ago now, and looking back on it, as I recall, that was a terrible way to start my own gender exploration. Very graphic and degrading imagery on those DVDs, very much made for the fetishization of the trans-body. I may occasionally identify as a “Chick with dick” but it is a very different thing to self-identify with that and to have it be thrust on you through marketing. I have been pleased to see the societal progress that has been made in the time sense. I have found my own community with my local Pride center, where I am simply allowed to be me in my own queerness. My Bookshelf contains volumes like “To My Trans Sisters”, “You and Your Gender Identity: A Guide to Discovery”, “Trans Bodies, Trans Selves”, “The Mosaic of Gender”. Volumes that didn’t exist for me a decade ago.

This gets into a big part of what draws into the Dom/Sub dynamic. For me this is very much a form of play and it is a form of play where there is permission to really be with all aspects of yourself. It is a form of play where it doesn’t matter what my body actually looks like, or how that gets coded by a larger society. It is a space where I can be fully embodied in who I am. A space where erotic fantasies can be played out without a concern for societal censure.

I work in mental health and form my work I know how powerful it can be when we are given space to really be with the entirety of ourselves. We do not live in a society that has good structures to explore ourselves sexually, to be with our erotic nature or to explore our gender. This is part of why I work with Mistress Blunt.

A little while back I commissioned a three-part video series from Mistress Blunt, sold now under the title “Feminization Therapy”. Commissioning it really allowed me to explore one of my key erotic fantasies through the realm of play. There is the taboo element of a therapist/patient sexual relationship (sometimes this is also branched into a mother figure, both being caretaking figures). There is the acceptance of one’s own gender identity. There is the acceptance of one’s sexual desires and a need for service.

Feminization Therapy Roleplay: Part 1

Essentially, I was allowed to go back and rewrite the porn that I encountered a decade ago. Commission it to be something more powerful and fulfilling to me. Make it personal, make it meaningful.

Mistress Blunt understood my intention perfectly in producing it, and made it into a piece that was both very deeply erotic and arousing for me, as well as deeply powerful in terms of my internal sense of self. In particular I strongly reacted to two moments.

One was Mistress Blunt’s direct line of “You are a woman”. No hesitation, no question. For me I know that is my internal experience of myself, but there is something so powerful to hear someone else simply name it.

Feminization Therapy Roleplay: Part 2

The other part is one where she is speaking of wearing woman’s underwear. “The reason you like to wear woman’s underwear is because it makes you feel embodied, and what is sexier then that?” Over the years I have spent a few hundred dollars on various types of woman’s underwear, only to eventually throw them out in shame. That line helped to really contextualize it for me, to make me more fully feel what the experience is when I put on a nice pair of panties.”

Feminization Therapy Roleplay: Part 3

Are you interested in learning more about my custom videos or having an exclusive look into my BDSM practice? You can learn more by subscribing to my exclusive content on AVNStars or Onlyfans, check out my clips on IWantClips, or text me your dirty secrets on Niteflirt and SextPanther. I am also accepting virtual and in-person sessions which you can book here!

Looking for more clips like this? Here is my Sissy Sleepover clip with Mistress An Li!

If you are interested in finding a gender-affirming therapist Manhattan Alternative is a great resource. Many of the providers offer remote services, so even you aren’t local to NY it is a useful resource!

Glamour, Ritual and BDSM: Conversation with Gabriela Herstik

(Video coming soon!) Sign up for my AVNStars or OnlyFans to see it first!

Danielle Blunt: My name is Danielle Blunt. I use she/her pronouns, and I’m a professional  dominatrix from New York City. 

Gaby Herstik: My name is Gabriela Herstik. I also use she/her pronouns. I am a writer and author and a witch, living in  Los Angeles. 

Danielle Blunt: Today we wanted to talk a little bit about glamour, magic and how it intersects with BDSM and kink. First of all, I love following you. It’s just like so much beauty and  intention behind the images that you put out there. And that in itself feels like a form of magic, and  there’s this beautiful honoring of the goddess and the feminine. And I would love it if you could talk a  little bit about your relationship with glamour and maybe segueing into how it may or may not intersect with kink. 

Gaby Herstik: Yeah. Well, thank you for those beautiful compliments. I love your photos and always makes me feel like a fabulous pervert, which I love. So for me, glamour is using acts of beauty and fashion as a way to transform from the outside in. Magic is really using energy and working with cycles to transform from the inside out. And I think that when we work with glamour, at least when I work with glamour, I’m using color and sense in clothing and intention behind how I present myself. To change my frequency and align myself with whatever my intention is, even if that’s just to cultivate a sense of beauty or confidence. A lot of my  relationship with glamour is in honor of the goddess, which to me is the creative aspect of the divine  that is not the logical part of our brain. It’s not the structure, but it’s really the fluid, intuitive sexual, and  also creative energy of the universe, of that kind of divine energy. 

I have been interested in fashion as long as I’ve been a witch, which is about 14 years now.  And I went to school for fashion writing. I thought I was going to be a fashion editor, and I ended up  writing books about witchcraft and kind of segued into that. But through that all, glam has still been a  very important part of my path. It is a way that I reclaim the way that I’m seen, it’s the way that I choose to honor myself as a reflection of the divine. 

So I think that a lot of people kind of think that beauty and fashion and makeup are frivolous, but to me,  it is an act of yeah, casting myself in a specific light. So glamour in itself actually has its origins in folklore and magic. It is that which fails, what lies beneath it. 

What is a glamour?

So a glamour would be like the idea of changelings of a fairy coming to a little newborn baby and  switching out the human baby and stealing the human baby and replacing it with the fairy baby, and then casting a glamour on it. So the parents don’t realize that this isn’t their child, because it looks like  them. That is a form of glamour. 

My practice with magic in my life is really, my life in general is really rooted in self expression and beauty and sexual independence. And a lot of my work with glamour is a way to embody the goddess and to invite her into my being and to recognize myself as a reflection of her. And as I have been exploring submission the past three or so years, that’s kind of even intersected with glamour more. So this collar is a collar that I have, that I dedicated and ritualistically cleansed and consecrated and  devoted to the goddess. 

So every morning I put it on, and I look in the mirror and I say, “I am devoted to the dark goddess of  love and myself.” And it really, for me, it really is like, because I think submission is such an embodied  practice or at least hopefully it is. Because if you’re not in your body, what’s the point? It really is a way for me to honor that aspect of myself as divine and wearing things that make me feel like a sexy submissive, whether that’s a collar or lingerie. It helps me get into the mindset. And I have all of my toys  hanging on my wall, and even that kind of reminding me of the beauty of submission helps me to appreciate and honor that aspect of myself even more. 

Fetish and Magic

Danielle Blunt

I love that. And I feel like visuals are such a big part of kink. I’m thinking right now about the role that visuals and glamour play in femdom and goddess worship and in feminization, crosdressing and sissification sessions. 

It’s both this like very tactile sensory experience that can be incredibly overwhelming, especially from different height differentials, or if someone is on their knees, submitting. I think that the intimacy and the way that eyesight can hone in on one particular part of the outfit and create this obsession. And I think of obsession as an act of devotion, worship, and ritual in a way that brings you into an altered state. 

I had this one session with a client who was really into some feminization, sissification and  cuckolding. And he got me this really beautiful golden necklace. It was this huge, chunky, golden necklace. And I love gold. Adorning myself in gold is part of my magical practice. So this client was laying in my lap, gazing at me and the necklace and his mantra work over and over again was talking about how he got me that necklace and how he was going to think about me wearing it on a date with someone else. And that mantra recitation became the whole focus of the entire session. Focusing his attention on this talisman, the obsession and worship of this  object and this way that totally transformed the entire space and scene, so that nothing really existed besides that necklace that served as the link between us in our D/s dynamic. 

Gaby Herstik: I love that. And that actually is the original definition of fetish is a magical object or talisman, so that’s perfect. 

Danielle Blunt: I think the more that I’ve been getting deeper into kink, the more I’ve been thinking of fetish in that way, because I never really considered myself a fetishist because a lot of the fetish porn that I was watching didn’t seem to have that magical energy imbued within the object. And it just felt like it was just worship of an object, that the object was never transformed through worship. There are a few fetishes that I’ve played with and watching their sexual energy begin to transform, a boot, or a body part, or anything into something beyond, which I think is both an act of fetish and an act of glamour to some extent. That energetic shift is what made me more interested in exploring fetishes of my own. 

So when I put on a pair of boots, it changes how I feel about myself, how I carry myself, how I’m  perceived by other people. And having people then worship that object that I put that care into and that I also ritualistically clean or have other people ritualistically boot black for me creates this connection, that without that object, it might not be there. In this D/s relationship we are both focusing and putting our energy into the same object for that goal of connection and transformation into altered states. 

Gaby Herstik: I love that so much, and I feel like when I think of that, I think of it as like a feedback loop, like as a figure  eight, and in the center, that connecting point is that object, that object as a point of connection. That’s  so beautiful. 

Glamour and Embodiment

Danielle Blunt: I feel it’s the same in any good sex. It’s a matter of taking that same energy, finding alignment and attunement and transforming space and time together or with yourself. So whether or not an object is involved in that encounter, I think it really  is about having the same intention or an aligned intention and being able to do that work together if you’re with another person, or being able to feel embodied and do that work on your own. 

You said something about scent being a part of your glamour work, which I found really interesting, because I think of my dominant persona as a form of playing with femininity and feminization in a way that I don’t necessarily in my personal life. So it’s not just my professional life, but just part of my kink is stepping into this hard femme persona. And I’m more casual hard femme in my personal life, but  the ritual of getting dressed and wearing a different scent that I wear before I go into a professional BDSM session or a personal play. And creating a ritual of taking it off and caring for the leathers as I transition out of that head-space helps hold the space or the container for the play and gets me into that dominant mindset. It allows me to work with the energy that’s being offered. 

Gaby Herstik: I love that, and I feel like that’s such a powerful form of glamour, and it’s like, even like glamour is like the aftercare/ it’s like, that’s like your way of taking care of yourself. And I love that. I love using glamour  as an act of, or as a piece of like a liminal space in which you transform into something else. And I love that you have all these objects that help you find that power. And I really think that people shit on glamor are the people that have never experienced that. You know when you feel it. When you step into a good outfit, it is a different head-space, and it does transform the way that you  are viewing the world, because you feel different through it. 

Feminization in BDSM and Goddess Worship

Danielle Blunt: Yeah. And if you find what makes you feel embodied, and I think that’s originally where we started to have this conversation, because you were posting some things about glamour and goddess worship, and it reminded me a lot about my work within feminization sessions, feminine induction sessions and sissification sessions. And I think a lot of what I’ve found in my work with feminization, which I do with all different types of people across the gender spectrum. 

Some people find feminization very humiliating and I don’t. I find it can be a form of humiliation play, which I don’t play up too much in my work, because I don’t find being feminine to be humiliating. But if someone is humiliated by it, I will call that out for them. Like, “What do you  find about being feminine that’s humiliating?” Do you think I should be humiliated by what I’m  wearing?” 

So I’ll definitely play with humiliation. But one thing that’s really stood out to me, especially as I have more and more people who come to me for feminine induction sessions coming out as a trans woman, non binary femmes or genderqueer, is that the time that they spend with me is one of the only times that they feel embodied, because it’s that act of transformation and the act of putting on this feminine armor that allows them to relax into submission. 

And I think those are always the sessions that I really enjoy.  I think for some people it can be both humiliating to get to that point of submission as well as embracing their femininity that allows them to surrender. Like some people need the humiliation to get there. And then for other people, they just feel so comfortable and relaxed that they can finally let go and surrender. 

Gaby Herstik: That’s so beautiful. And I remember when we were first talking about this, how you were mentioning  you don’t really do feminization as an act of humiliation, like that’s not the purpose. And I love that. I  think that’s so wise, and I just really appreciate that angle. And you have to be able to give space to  people to be their true selves and really go deep in that. It feels like such an embodiment of the goddess  to be able to give people that space and to allow them to experience these things and honor that shame that might come up, because they have been told their whole life that doing this thing is shameful even  if it’s not necessarily innately shameful for them. 

What role does shame play in BDSM and Magic?

Danielle Blunt

Yeah. And that’s definitely something that I say is, “I’ll play with your shame.” And I don’t think  there’s anything wrong about feminization and humiliation sessions. It’s just not something I’m  particularly interested in. And I think people can have incredibly cathartic experiences through that. And while I might not be actively humiliating someone, I think shame is a very potent tool to play within BDSM scenes and I think in magic. 

Gaby Herstik: Absolutely. 

Danielle Blunt

And figuring out and … Shame to me, makes me ask the questions about what led me to feel that way or what led me to have this certain relationship with this object or my body?

Gaby Herstik: Yeah. I totally feel that. And that’s something that even over the last week, I’ve been really diving more deeply into, like offering shame as … or working with shame as an offering to the goddess, especially to the the dark goddesses. I feel like it’s a really powerful offering, and it’s still something I don’t quite understand about myself yet, but it’s one of those things I feel like is an ongoing process. Yeah, I don’t know, working with it is such a potent tool of transformation and also just release and catharsis, like you said. 

Danielle Blunt: Yeah. That makes me think of … Have you read The Radiance Sutras? 

Gaby Herstik: I haven’t. They’ve been on my list. 

Danielle Blunt: I highly recommend it. And that was into some of my studies of tantra, and what I loved about this translation that I had of The Radiance Sutras. It was that each act, whether it’s “good” or “bad” is a way to meet the divine. Honoring darkness, honoring shame, and all of those are equally as important as honoring and meditating on joy and happiness 

Gaby Herstik:Absolutely. 

Danielle Blunt: and embodiment. And that it’s through intense focus, or devotion, or fetish, or glamour that you’re able to reach that altered state which is the divine. 

Gaby Herstik: I love that. I’ll have to look that up, because that’s definitely up my alley. I definitely feel like even tantra, obviously, it’s different than BDSM, but that kind of awareness of the way energy flows. And the power of the subversive and the power of the things that you’re not supposed to do as like a sacrament to the divine is something that, I think, for me, really draws me to BDSM, like the space that I have to do the things that I’m not supposed to do and turn those into an offering to goddess is something that really inspires me and draws me to this path. 

Danielle Blunt: I love that. And I think that comes back to feminization or sissification sessions as well, especially for men, that femininity is something that you’re told that is shameful. And we said this in the beginning of the conversation, was that so many people don’t respect or understand glamour or fashion or makeup, and see it as something that’s frivolous. So I think the act of reframing it and having these incredibly ritualistic feminization sessions, which I very much think of it as like feminization induction, like I like to think of the energy as similar to the little boy at a sleepover and his older sister and her friends come in and induct you into feminization rituals. And you’re just sitting there and just like, “Ooh, I feel like so special and honored to be able to be a part of this thing that I’m told that I’m not supposed to enjoy. To be let into this sacred space.” And like you’re being taken over by this thing that you were told that you’re not supposed to explore, and I think that’s a really beautiful thing. 

Gaby Herstik: I love that, and I feel like there’s also a level of empathy, because once you’re in that space then you’re able to understand it and kind of extend that to the men in your life  So I love that interplay between that. And I love that you’re able to offer people the space to explore that without judgment. I think that’s really important too. 

Danielle Blunt: Yeah. And I think there are. There are so few spaces for people to feel that. I feel like there’s more now than there were a few years ago, which is really amazing. And I think social media plays a really interesting role in people’s ability to express themselves and try on different parts of their persona or their gender and transform themselves. And just like a continual act of transformation. 

Gaby Herstik: I feel like that’s what BDSM is. It’s just constantly unfolding different aspects of yourself  and ritualizing it and honoring whatever feelings come up, even if they’re something we’re told we’re not supposed to have. I think that’s so powerful. 

Danielle Blunt: Definitely. And I think that’s sort of where this conversation stemmed from was one of your posts about  glamour just like really stood out to me. And I was like, “Oh, I would be really interested in creating a  feminization ritual with you.” So I hope that, that’s something that we can do.

Gaby Herstik: I would love that. I would love that. 

Danielle Blunt: … another time. 

Gaby Herstik: Yeah, that sounds great, and it’s just an honor. I admire you so much, and I love … Remember when you  made a post that said, “Femdom is your religion.” And I’m like, That is just so beautiful and so powerful. And I feel like it’s same, same, but different to my own relationship with the divine. So it feels very special to be able to talk about that. 

Danielle Blunt: Yeah, I definitely felt that similarities and differences and the relationship to glamour and feminization in witchcraft, in both of our practices. 

Gaby Herstik: Yes, I love it. 

Danielle Blunt: Wonderful. Well, I’m excited to create that ritual with you. 

Gaby Herstik: Me too. I feel like Libra season and Scorpio season will be the perfect time to kind of dive  into that that glamourous ordinance. 

Danielle Blunt: Beautiful.

Self-Care in Quarantine

flower mummification

Forced self-care has always been an interest of mine. I’ve often found that for people who identify as masochists, having strict instructions to follow on how to take care of themselves can be helpful in starting to integrate more self care practices into their lives. 

A lot can be learned about the self through externalizing the need to care for the self through worship and devotion. Sometimes, it is through these practices that we learn to care for ourselves and deem ourselves as beings worthy of care. 

I wrote a blog post about this last year, which you can find here

I will be working on a forced self-care regimen for select individuals who desire and inquire during quarantine. Are you having trouble staying on track and caring for yourself during this difficult time? This offering is for you. 

As always, not all of this may apply to you, so take what serves you, and leave the rest behind.

Feel free to follow along with any of my forced self-care tips below. If you enjoy, @ me on Twitter or Instagram to tell me about your experience, and to let me know you completed the task. Use the #forcedselfcare so I don’t miss it.

Self-Care Inventory

self care inventory by mistress blunt

Self-Care in Quarantine

If you are having a hard time taking care of yourself while in quarantine, you are not alone! Sometimes it is important to slow down and remberall of the things we are already doing everyday to take care of ourselves and our communities.

forced self care in quarantine

Kinky Meditation and Breathwork

If you are looking for a little kinky meditation, this one is for you. Find a comfortable space to relax. Read this meditation out loud a few times, close your eyes and feel my hands on you and continue repeating the mantra as you begin to increase the length of your exhale.

kinky meditation and breathwork mantra

Erotic Femdom Meditation

If you are looking for something even kinkier, I am giving you permission to imagine taking me out on a date! I want you to get dressed up for me, make a ritual of it. How does it feel to dress for me? How will you impress me? What will you be wearing? How will you present yourself?

erotic femdom meditation

Topping from the Bottom, Communication and Negotiation in BDSM Scenes

Mistress Blunt talks about topping from the bottom in bdsm scenes

You can watch the clip where I speak about topping from the bottom here.

I’m really excited to dive into topping from the bottom. First, let’s start with the basics. Sometimes I make the assumption that people know what certain terms and terminologies are, and I’m trying really hard not to do that.

What is topping from the bottom in BDSM?

Topping from the bottom is when someone who is in the bottom role or the submissive role is guiding the dominant. It’s an inversion of power dynamics.

For me personally, it isn’t really fun.

But one thing that I’ve noticed about people who say, “I don’t want to top from the bottom” is that sometimes what they actually want is for their dominant to be a mind reader.

I want to break down some of the differences between topping from the bottom. There’s a difference between being a submissive who’s able to express yourself and setting your Domme up for success, and just asking them to shoot in the dark (which is really serving no one).

“Whatever you want, Mistress.”

When people fill out my contact form, I ask, “What are you interested in exploring in session with me?” And I get so many responses from strangers that say, “Whatever you want, Mistress.” While that sounds really hot in theory, you don’t know me and you don’t know my interests.

If you’re saying that you don’t have boundaries, my immediate response is, “How about we make a snuff film?” I think that’s a really fast way to make people realize the importance of having boundaries.

So I want to give people a little bit of insight into what it’s like on the receiving end of those emails (and what’s really helpful for me as a Domme).

Over the last 12 years, I’ve spent a lot of time and energy crafting my contact form to provide me with the information that I really need to have a successful session. I have questions there that are a lot different than a lot of other dominatrixes.

One of my favorites is, “When was the last time you cried?” I think it’s a really fascinating question and if you feel so inclined, you’re welcome to message me on AVN Stars with the last time that you cried.

I find that gives me a little bit of insight into how in touch someone is with what they’re feeling, which gives me important information about the ways that I’m going to interact with the submissive in the session.

For example, someone might tell me that they haven’t cried—and I hear this a lot (especially from men)—since their dad died or something similar. It is something that I’d say around 20% of men say to me on my inquiry form.

To me, that says I might be working with someone who isn’t as in touch with their feelings, so there might be more checking in that I’m doing.

Checking in to make sure that what you’re portraying is what you’re feeling.

Checking in to make sure that we’re beginning to bridge the gap of what’s happening to the body and what’s happening in the mind.

Checking in to understand how it’s being perceived, both by the individual and by the person who is guiding the scene.

That’s something that I find really important.

I want to get back to when people say, “You can do whatever you want to me.” I have heard it so many times: “I don’t like to tell a Domme what to do because it feels like it’s topping from the bottom.”

I really find that people who top from the bottom don’t think of themselves as people who top from the bottom.

People who say that they don’t want to top from the bottom… what they really want is a mind reader, so I want to sort of break that down a little bit further.

What is a service top in BDSM?

A service top is a top who enjoys pleasing their bottom and gets off on enacting their bottom’s fantasy. Someone who’s topping from the bottom is often dictating the scene and guiding it. If you’re a service top, having someone who tops from the bottom can be really great.

But if you’re interested in exploring a real power dynamic and a D/s power exchange, I personally find it a hindrance.

There’s a difference between a submissive being like, “Mistress, this position is uncomfortable and unsustainable for me. May I please move?” and someone being like, “This is the only way that I want to receive pain. This is how a spanking should happen. This is how I would like to be positioned over your knee. This is X, Y, and Z.”

Both are fine. But the latter just doesn’t work for me in a session. I find it harder to access the dominant headspace that I personally enjoy.

Expecting your Domme to be a mind reader

I like to have a little bit of information about my submissive, to make the magic together. That’s just how I work.

I don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with topping from the bottom. I think it’s just something that you should be aware of, if you do it. I think that will help you find the Domme that works for you, one who will really enjoy having a little bit more guidance on what to do.

What I’ve noticed is that people who say that they don’t want to “top from the bottom”—and I use air quotes—are people who want you to be a mind reader. Worse, they usually actually know exactly what they want.

Then there’s also people who are too scared to ask for what they want.

Forcing someone to ask me for what they want is also a recipe for a hot scene, I think. Forcing people to articulate desires that they’ve never said out loud to anyone but me? That’s hot.

I want to tell the story of one person who I worked with who didn’t want to top from the bottom and instead set me up for failure.

Now, I still got to the bottom of his desires because I’m good at my job and I forced the words out of his mouth, but he was very adamant about not telling me what he wanted.

I was really annoyed with him because I could tell he knew exactly what he wanted. When I’m trying to figure it out what someone’s into, I’ll try different tactics and see how they land with that person.

This person was definitely into heavy feminization play and they had a very specific phrase that they wanted to hear that aroused them beyond anything else I could possibly do.

They knew what that sentence was. They knew what that phrase was and they didn’t want to tell me because they didn’t want to feel like they were “topping from the bottom”. But from my perspective, they were setting me up to fail.

Instead of giving me the ammunition that I needed and desired to conduct a successful feminization scene, they just wanted me to run through things until I landed where they wanted me to land all along.

I forced them to vocalize their desire. I was using their erection as a barometer for my success in this particular scene (not always a good measurement tool, of course).

It would’ve been much more enjoyable for me—and they would have gotten what they wanted out of the scene much faster—had they been able to say the words they knew they wanted to hear during our initial negotiations.

“There’s a difference between topping from the bottom and asking for what you want. There’s a difference between topping from the bottom and knowing what you want. There’s a difference between topping from the bottom and setting your Domme up for success.”

Mistress Blunt

When there’s an individual who says that they don’t want to top from the bottom, often what they really want is a mind reader. Usually their desire is so concrete, but involves some sort of power exchange that they worry they’re somehow eradicating by asking for what they want.

There’s a difference between topping from the bottom and asking for what you want. There’s a difference between topping from the bottom and knowing what you want. There’s a difference between topping from the bottom and setting your Domme up for success to give you a scene that’s fucking amazing.

What to do if you top from the bottom and don’t want to?

First, I think that it is important to note that communication is NOT topping from the bottom. If you think you’re someone who tops from the bottom (and don’t want to)… or you’re annoyed by working with people who top from the bottom… or you have a desire that you want to share with your dominant… I think being more intentional with your communication can cause a huge shift.

Someone telling me, “Mistress, this phrase turns me to mush. I would be such putty in your hands if these words were to leave your mouth.” First of all, that’s hot. I like when people beg.

If you’re nervous about topping from the bottom, I highly recommend begging because begging is a super hot, erotic way of asking for your needs and learning how to articulate them.

There’s nothing inherently topping from the bottom about asking for what you want. If you think there is, I would encourage you to investigate your feelings around topping from the bottom!

I have my contact form filled out in a very specific way to very quickly and efficiently assess someone’s interests, where they’re at, what they’re saying to me, and—more importantly—what they’re not saying to me.

Over the years, I’ve gotten very good at figuring out what it is that’s not being said to me and then using that. But when I ask what someone is interested in, I’m not asking them to top me from the bottom. I’m asking them to give me the information that I need to efficiently and successfully conduct a scene that is enjoyable for both of us.

If you feel like asking for what you want is topping from the bottom, I’m here to tell you that you should enthusiastically ask for what you want.

Asking for what you want and subspace

I can only speak for myself as a dominant, but when someone tells me what it is that they’re interested in, I get really excited.

“I’m into whipping. I like humiliation. I’m into foot worship.” I get excited as they check things off my list! I’m like, “Oh, okay. You’re into foot worship. That is one way that I can get into your head.”

For me, a lot of my sessions are about D/s dynamics, about finding those really juicy altered states of consciousness through bringing someone into subspace. For me, if someone knows what they want, entering top space is so much easier.

It makes my work and my headspace so much more enjoyable when I know what someone wants because what I want as a top is to play with that vulnerability that’s being given to me. And if you know what makes you vulnerable, I want you to share that with me!

Altered states of consciousness in BDSM play

I don’t think this is true for every top, but I have specific activities that I’m interested in and I love when those interests align with someone else’s interests.

I have things that I’m not interested in and that I’m not going to do. So, a session with foot worship and whipping sounds great to me. But if you’re into X, Y, and Z other things I enjoy slightly less, it’s less about the specific thing that we’re doing and more about where it takes you.

I like having someone be putty in my hands. I like watching someone fall into an altered state of consciousness where their brain is completely malleable and they’re like mush. As someone who is interested in exploring D/s dynamics, watching someone fall into subspace is something that gets me off deeply.

It’s always been power exchange that has interested me about BDSM, and less the specific activity. I know a lot of tops that’s true for, a lot of tops it’s not. But when people tell me what they like, it’s just a way for me to get into their heads, which is my true desire as a Domme: to leave a mark.

Topping from the bottom, asking for what you want and begging in BDSM

Those are just a few of my thoughts on topping from the bottom. I think we also got a little bit into asking for what you want and begging, which I can get into more at a later date.

In the meantime, I would love to hear your thoughts on topping from the bottom.

What do you think topping from the bottom is? How would you personally define it? Do you think you top from the bottom? If so, what does topping from the bottom look like from you? Are you uncomfortable asking for what you want?

If you are interested in chatting with me about topping from the bottom, I am free for web-based consultations and coffee dates! Book here.

Can’t connect in person? You can learn more about me by subscribing to my exclusive content on AVN Stars, checking out my clips on IWantClips, or texting me your dirty secrets on Niteflirt and SextPanther. I am also accepting virtual sessions, which you can book here!

Medical Fetish: Conversation on Power Dynamics, Trauma, Catharsis, and More (with Mistress Odette)

Mistress Blunt interviews Mistress Odette about Medical Fetishes

Mistress Odette is just about the only person who can make me interested in medical fetish play. Her aesthetics and dedication to the kink are simply unparalleled.

In this conversation, we discuss our experiences as both professional dominatrixes and patients of the medical industrial complex.

I’m really excited to be here with you right now, and to have this time to talk about our interest in medical fetish. And potentially my disinterest in medical fetish.

I feel like interest and disgust are so…

Yes, oh my God, they’re…

…they’re good friends.

Truly. And I’ve been following your medical play content and I’m definitely somewhat aroused and somewhat horrified that you can make me feel sexual feelings about something that I find deeply traumatic, and haven’t found arousing before. So you can use that testimonial on your Yelp!


I’m so interested in what got you into this, where your interests around medical play lay. And if you could talk a little bit about how you use that as a way to explore power dynamics?

So, I started doing medical play very early on in my career as a Domme. One of my first sessions was enemas and that got me into exploring that dynamic, and it always spoke to me in an interesting way because I really like the power of being a trusted figure.

A trusted figure. Hot.

A trusted figure. I can pervert it and as I’m exploring the medical fetish areas of like, “I’m a doctor, I’m a nurse, or I’m a specialist”, playing with the line when something becomes play because I use a lot of consensual non-consent in my sessions. So what I’ll usually do is use… I mean, only in play… but use gaslighting as a technique of like, “Oh, this isn’t inappropriate. You’re making this inappropriate.”

Gaslighting can be really hot in scenes, and should definitely be negotiated.

Exactly, and…

It can be really triggering for people.

Especially in medical play stuff.

Yeah, I can see that being super effective. I’ve had so many doctors gaslight me. Sounds great, sign me up…

So it’s taking that feeling of powerlessness that you feel with a medical professional where you’re like, “I feel like I know my body and I trust my body, but this person’s telling me something different and it’s scary. And it feels like they have all this power to either tell me that I’m good and well.” And there’s that confirmation of goodness with wellness.

And I imagine, too, just as a woman who interacts with the medical industrial complex, that being able to play the role of the gaslighting doctor is probably super cathartic.

It really is. And having that feeling of using language that doesn’t feel good, but in a kink situation feels sexy and like total power exchange is really interesting. So taking all of these real-life situations that a lot of us have felt and dealt with, and replaying them, but in control… and helping other people experience that from a kink perspective.

Negotiating a medical scene requires a lot of negotiation because a lot of times, people do have a lot of trauma surrounding it. And especially for me going into it as the mock professional… I have to really listen to myself and not just be aware of my own boundaries. Even if a sub is saying that that’s okay with them, I have to still be really…

People don’t talk about tops having boundaries enough.

Well because in medical play, it attracts a lot of people who are extreme edge players.

Right, I’m sure you get a lot of actual requests for actual castrations and actual medical procedures that maybe you don’t want to do.

No, I conform to RACK, so I don’t do any irreversible procedures. I mean, irreversible is kind of a sticky subject because branding…

I encounter people who want to take it way further than is bodily advisable. And so I’ve found that in medical play, I’ve had to assert my boundaries in a much more stringent manner as a top and be like, “I get that you’re turned on by that. We can do psychological play around that.” It’s a good practice of maintaining top boundaries because a lot of the time people will come to me with these intense requests and I have to temper it. Or in the midst of a scene, tempering that and…

Right, especially a decision you make when you’re aroused.


Do you find that a lot of people who come to see you for heavy medical play scenes have some sort of specific encounter with the medical system that sticks out for them?

Yes and no. I think sometimes a lot of the people that I get who want to be heavy subs in medical situations are doctors.

Wait, so that’s their experience? They’re like, “I take power away from patients all the time… my turn.”

Yeah, and I have to be like, “Yeah.” And they can have really low boundaries around stuff because a lot of the time…

But that’s so interesting because I feel like ‘you’ as a patient in real life of the medical industrial complex get to feel empowered through role playing as the one in power in those situations.

So I think it’s really interesting that doctors may oftentimes make up a lot of the clientele of heavy, heavy bottoming for medical play. And I wonder if there’s some sort of process of developing empathy for patients that’s instilled and embedded in that.

I wonder, yeah. How does it feel to be on the other side and be in this situation of powerlessness in the face of this inexplicable authority who’s using language that’s inaccessible? Or who’s using…

Do you just make up words?

Yeah, like, “I have to remove your pharynx from your mitigated abalone.” “Oh, okay.”

“Oh, yes.

A lot of the times the play that I’m doing is purely psychological. They just want to feel exposed and peered at in the cold medical gazey way, which is hot in a way because I’m looking at their intimate parts, but without sexualizing them, supposedly.

Yeah, well I think there is a way of being seen by a doctor. And also for a lot of people, doctor visits are the only time they get touched. So I wonder, as someone on the receiving end of a lot of medical trauma and just being chronically-ill and having a lot of experience interacting with medical systems, as well as being a care coordinator helping people navigate care, I feel really intimately acquainted with the power dynamics of the system.

And it’s actually part of what I do in my best practice training for doctors… is help them become aware of the way that power is manifesting just through the stripping away of identity through putting patients in all of the same clothing and taking away any identifying feature.

You get better medical healthcare if you have a photo of your family in your room. So anything that you can do to make yourself stand out as an individual actually increases your odds of survival. So there’s mechanisms within the medical industrial complex that actually make you less safe. It’s so doctors can disassociate because the work really…

Yeah, you want to trigger empathy from this person who is actively suppressing empathy.

Yeah, and the whole system is designed to suppress empathy, especially for marginalized bodies.

Exactly. I think that from interacting so much with medical play, it’s led me to do a lot of research on exactly that… of the ways in which Western medicine is so messed up and such a deep fuck-up in terms of how people relate to each other… of reducing a body to parts… and then reducing those parts to functionality.

Right, which if you’re talking about in a scene, that sounds so hot. And I think I’ve said this before: everything that is traumatic about the medical system is so hot in a scene for me.

Exactly because it’s so bad like, “This is so naughty, this is naughty on a societal level.”

Exactly, it’s so naughty.

It’s so bad.

But yeah, so I think about this a lot and I don’t really do a lot of medical role play. You’re actually the first person whose content that I’ve seen had been like, “Maybe I could be into it.” Because it’s so highly fetishized and well done… kudos.

And yeah, there’s something about that that makes me understand, especially the visual components about it. Because I understand that on a kink level, but just from a personal desire level… but definitely I do think of myself as a scientist, but outside of the confinement of a doctor practice.

My favorite thing to say in the middle of a scene… so I have a scalpel and I’m using medical tools, but it’s highly ritualized and the ritualization of ways of interacting with the body are one way that I find really cathartic from my past negative experiences with the medical system. So using a tool like a scalpel in a way that’s outside of the medical system is sort of how I incorporate medical play into my scenes.

But my favorite line, and I feel it deeply on a visceral level is… I’ll be holding a scalpel and maniacally laughing and be like, “My dad was a dentist, so I’m qualified.” And that’s truly what instills fear, and that I find entertaining.

I love it too because it’s also like you’ve inherited the degree somehow.

Yeah, I’m like, “I’m basically qualified.” Isn’t that terrifying to hear?

Yeah, I love that because it’s exactly that of everything that’s so terrifying about it is what’s hot.

It is.

Yeah, the ritual of it and the ritual of all of the instruments, and then using the instruments, but not in the way that they were intended.

Yeah, there’s something so subversive about that that I love… it brings power to that tool.

Exactly. It’s like taking the power away from this monolith of power that’s not used in the most ethical way, and…

Which, when you remove someone’s pharynx from their laparoscopic…

Oh, yes, as one does.

As one does. Classic femdom procedure.

But yeah, I think there’s something about subverting that. And personally, I’m like, “I don’t know if I want to…” I have enough interactions with the medical system. And I try and turn any encounter with a doctor into play because that’s my personal coping mechanism.

At points in my life, I’d be going to three doctors a week as my regular practice. It just gets overwhelming and first I want to be seen as an individual and as a patient…

But I think that for me, making myself stand out in those situations is something that’s always really come naturally to me. I’ve definitely shot back at doctors. They’re like, “Here, put on this gown.” I’m like, “I’m literally wearing a bathrobe, do you just want to take away my individuality?” And they’re like, “Please just put on the gown, ma’am.”

I mean, that’s also a coping and survival mechanism.

Yeah, it is. And it allows me to more safely move through that space in a way that harms me slightly less. I also love wearing garters and thigh-highs for medical procedures. All the doctors remember my name.

You’re like, “Oh, it’s me again.”

Yeah, “It’s that girl that makes us really uncomfortable.”

That’s also a power dynamic shift that is for you.

Is it. It helps me reclaim that power. And I don’t know if I’ve told this story but I had a colonoscopy when I was 18 and they gave me Valium before the rest of the sedation. And I was very nervous. Then after the Valium, I was like, “Oh, do whatever you want to me. Take me.” And then as they’re administering the Fentanyl and the Versed, I was like, “Oh, I always knew my first time with anal would involve this many drugs.” And the doctor goes, “Well, at least you know my name.” And then every time I went in, I got excellent healthcare from that point forward.

Oh my God, that is amazing.

Yeah. He was like, “Oh, I tell that story all the time at gastroenterology conventions and everyone asks for your number.” And I’m like, “Fuck HIPAA, give it to them. I want health insurance.

Oh my God. I love that. That’s so good, too. Just making that situation fun in a way that gives you power and also sets you apart in terms of standards of care. Yeah, that’s an important way to deal with doctors, esp…

I think so. Make them uncomfortable.

Yeah, make them uncomfortable… make them squeam.

Yeah. I also had this experience… I had an eye infection that wouldn’t go away and so when I was going to urgent care, they were asking if it was okay for their resident to come in and I was like, “Sure, that’s fine.”

So the resident was like, “Okay, I’m going to touch your eye now, is that okay?” I’m like, “Yeah.” So he did the examination. And then the attending did the examination and afterwards I was like, “Your resident asked my consent before touching me, which I think you could probably learn from your resident.”

And my partner was in the room with me and was just like, “Oh.”

Good lord.


Yeah, when you’re on the chair, suddenly you lose all autonomy. I got something in my eye last week and I went to the ophthalmologist and as soon as I was in the chair and the doctor was in the room, he was just poking and prodding and not…

You’re an object.

Yeah, exactly. And they’re so desensitized to the fact that you’re a person that they just interact with you in this really cold way. He was just flipping my eyelid and scraping it out, and I was like, “Oh, oh, I guess I’d better hold still.”

Right, and I feel like that’s kind of gaslighting too. Like, “This is an uncomfortable thing, where the fuck is the…”


My other work is as a doula, so that’s the other way that I’ve interacted with the medical system, which is the attempt to be the opposite of that cold institution… and bring that warmth and care into the room.

And I worked as an abortion doula primarily, and it became so integrated into part of the flow of the clinic. And the doctors and nurses loved us because the patient was able to get that type of care while the doctor was still able to focus on the procedure.

Everyone was sort of acting as a doula, it was a very great clinic, but having one specific person there for that purpose I think just really…

All of the nurses and staff at that clinic said that it’s just so integral to the way that they run now, that they couldn’t do it without the doula. And I’m like, “Yes, all doctors should have doulas, all care coordination should have doulas, call doctors for your friends. It’s hard, it’s traumatic.”

No, that’s such an important… Because not having that, you just get swept up in the process of it… and the fake normality of the situation.

Yeah like, “This is a normal thing that I’m supposed to be okay with.”

Which is terrifying. You’re just like, “Okay, I have to do this because it’s for my health.” And without someone to intercede on your behalf and be like, “Hey, could you clarify that? Or could you say it in layman’s terms?” Or like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, is this necessary?”

Yeah, the word “doula” actually comes from the word for “slave”.



So I think that that also clearly changes the power dynamic of what Western medicine is. And I think it helps bring some of that ritual that was taken away with the Westernization of medical care.

Especially birth, birth care, which for the United States, we have one of the highest infant and mother mortality rates… in the States. And that goes up if you’re a Black person giving birth, significantly.

And having a doula in the room significantly statistically reduces your chances of dying in childbirth by having someone who’s literally just there advocating.

And they’ve done studies that even if it’s just a person sitting in a chair doing nothing other than knitting for the entire birth, it reduces the mortality rate of the mother significantly because then there’s someone there to check the doctor.

Even if they’re not doing anything other than physically being present. That presence is enough to make the doctor see that person as human.

Yeah, and position them in a community.

Yeah, yeah, as accountable to someone.

Yeah, because the thing that happens is you’re just an individual, in a system. But if there’s someone else there kind of advocating and giving you context… which is so fucked up that that’s necessary and that we’ve created a system that requires that for survival. That’s fucked.

It’s so fucked up.

Actually, something interesting because I hadn’t thought about it, but something that I always tell my submissives is that they need to do their own work to make their own community so that I’m accountable to a community that’s not necessarily just my own.

And I think it’s very similar because of those power dynamics… doctors should fucking want to be accountable. Then I also think it’s extra fucked up in the States because we live in a litigatory society where debilitating lawsuits are a really real thing, and so much of medical care is to reduce the chances of being sued.

And in other countries, that’s not the case, so they’re able to hold off on certain… I’m just speaking from birth… they’re more willing to hold off on inducing labor because if something goes wrong, they are less likely to be sued.

So we have all of these interventions in birth work that are unnecessary and solely there to protect the doctor legally, and so they push it really aggressively because they don’t want to get sued.

God, that’s so frustrating. Of course, yeah, but none of it’s actually to make the experience better or safer for the individual… it’s to protect the doctor from litigation. It all just comes down to…

Yeah, or their schedule. More cesarean sections happen as shifts change. Because the doctor’s are like “Let’s just fucking finish this.”

So it’s not medically necessary, but it’s inconveniencing the doctor making their golf appointment.

God, yeah. There’s so much broken about it that it’s immeasurably fucked up.

Truly, and so much to eroticize because it’s so… it’s so fucked up. Just like many systems of oppression.

Exactly, yeah. And the eroticization of horrible things that happen to us that we want to change is incredibly interesting. And I feel like medical fetishism is deeply entrenched in that zone of…

Yeah, it’s such an archetypical way of embodying power and stripping someone of that power.

And taking that loss of power to the extreme. And kind of role playing situations of the intense complication of that power.

Yeah. I feel like it’s a space for so much psychodynamic work to take place, and I’m sure is super cathartic.

Yeah, it’s fun because I feel like with kink work I’ll be like, “These are really elevated ways of thinking about it.” And then I also will just be like, “And I’m just doing it sometimes.”

So sometimes I’ll really dive deep into the theory of something. But then other times I’ll be like, “Okay, it’s fine just to practice without really overthinking it.” But…

No totally. I mean, yes, sometimes it’s just fun, sometimes this is just a way of embodying power that’s fun.

Yeah, but it’s always important to have a deeper understanding and synthesis of all of those things in the back of your mind when you’re doing it. Even if it’s just a run of the mill session where you’re a sexy doctor.

Awareness into a scene… a scene can just be fun and it can only be fun if the practitioners are also aware of how these things take place outside of the space that they’ve made for the scene… doesn’t mean you need to bring it into it.

Mm-hmm, yeah because I don’t generally go into all of my different feelings about the scene with my clients. But it definitely informs how I structure the scene and the efficacy with which I can get into the headspace that they want to experience. Because the deeper I understand the psychological mind fuck of medical play, the more effectively I can do it.

Yeah, totally, yeah. I think there is that balance, too. I definitely have the tendency to intellectualize things as a coping mechanism and just because of interests. But I think that it’s also a way to have an embodied experience of power through that structure. Yeah, I’m convinced. Sign me up.

Okay. Yeah, it’s such a weird fun thing and it attracts so many different types of people because people can come at it from a…

Will you stop for a sec?

Oh, oops.

Okay, you’re back. Okay, it comes from…

It can come from three different areas.

Of someone who’s really into it for the humiliation of it because it’s also the ultimate clothed female/nude male (CFNM). Because sometimes I’ll be in full PPE and completely covered, and examining someone who’s naked… and really getting inside them. And I have an endoscope where I can physically look into the body. Yeah, it’s disgusting. It’s great. So people can just be into the humiliation of it and the exposure.

Or it can also have elements of submission that are more associated with classical femdom of like, “I wouldn’t be into this, but I want you to do it because I feel submissive to you.” And that thing…

What’s the third one? I’m so excited for this because this is how I feel about my feminization sessions. What’s the third one? Tell me.

The third one is just pure masochism and people who are just like, “This can be so painful and I love pain. So whatever… the role play isn’t super important. You can wear a doctor coat, I don’t really give a crap, but I want needles going in weird places.”

Would you say that a lot of your doctor clients are more on the humiliation side?


So my working theory for the feminization sessions that I do is also three parts.

The first part being that you find being a woman humiliating and you want to be humiliated.

The second is that you think that women are submissive, so being feminized is the only way that you can take a sexually submissive receptive role.

The third is that you’re trans and that you feel less dysphoric when you’re dressed as a woman. So you are more able to take on that role because you’re embodied within your sexuality.

I think sometimes it’s not an explicit line, but there is something there about teasing apart the humiliation, the submission and what just makes you feel embodied, what allows you to feel relaxed.

That’s that’s such a good point.

I have a client, one of my favorite clients. Her name is Sophia, she’s well-known on my platforms. But she’s a crossdresser and really into heavy medical play. And we do a lot of speculum play. It’s always a well-woman exam.

So she completely transforms herself… she goes to the bathroom and does her full transformation, and then the scene starts with my examination.

I might get a little emotional. I had the most like…

So I do a thing where I take the balls and I put them over the penis, and then I staple it shut into a little taco.

I’ve done that with super glue before!

Oh, I love it, super glue is great.


But she’s not into sharps, but she was like, “I really want to try this. I trust you. I trust you’ll be receptive if it’s too much.”

And I was like, “Of course, let’s try it. If it’s too much, we can recalibrate. It’s fine.”

But we did the thing and made her a vaginal mound, and I did the whole thing. And then I had a mirror that you can look into on the ceiling. And I showed her and I showed her her new pussy. And she cried, and we had this moment of just crying and holding each other with her…

You’re going to make me cry now.

I know, it was just one of those things where in her regular life, she is of a certain age and has a lot going on in her life to the point where she can’t transition.

Right, she doesn’t feel it’s something she can do. Yeah.

Yeah, and so it’s such an emotional experience for both of us to have this play that can be this cathartic expression of gender that she’s always wanted to have, and not had access to.

Yeah, wow. Yeah, I feel like exploring gender and medical play has so much potential there to unpack things and figure things out about yourself. I just got the chills thinking about that because the medical system is exceptionally traumatic for trans folks.

Yeah, exploring that from that perspective especially for people that have had really terrible, antiquated experiences with the medical profession.

Yeah, I have a very similar story about someone who’s very dear to me as well. They identify as genderqueer. But we were turning the scrotum into a vaginal mound… and we formulated vaginal lips with the super glue and excess skin… and we both had a very emotional response.

And I definitely did it from a less medical perspective and more from a ritualistic feminization transformation, coming from a very ancient femdom, religious tradition.

So it’s interesting to think about the similarities between the things that we do and how they can elicit that emotional response. It’s a very similar sounding emotional response in people, through whatever path is carved out into their brain that it…

Exactly, like creating a new neural pathway and a body euphoria because knowing that I had a moment of co-creating body euphoria for a person… I was just like, “Oh my God…

Oh my gosh, I love that, that’s so beautiful. I think that’d be a really great place to end this… on a really beautiful…

I think so too, yeah. That’s that ultimate and best-case scenario in medical play… and play in general… is to make people feel good and empowered about their bodies.

Truly, what more could you ask for? That’s so beautiful, thank you for sharing that.

Thank you for having this conversation, this has been…


Exquisite Corpse with Dominatrix Eva Oh.

Mistress Blunt and Mistress Eva-Oh tell a romantic ghost story.

Mistress Blunt and Mistress Eva participate in a live storytelling event to co-create one of their dream scenes.

Eva Oh is a BDSM Trainer and the creator of #teakink and Safeword Podcast. Her writing has appeared on The Daily Beast and Slutever; and she has been featured in the likes of VICE and DAZED. She also hosts workshops and events on sexuality.

Mistress Blunt: We had just finished an overnight session. We wake up in the morning, and look over to the body bag at our feet. 

Mistress Eva: It is beautifully laid out. I hadn’t instructed that. The way that it shone made me think It had gotten up early, to shine it. 

Mistress Blunt: [laughs] I love the idea of It shining It’s own body bag. It glistened in the morning sun. We looked at each and smiled, and heard a little “mmhmm!” coming from the bag. 

Mistress Eva: It had already gotten inside? I hadn’t instructed that either! [laughs]

Mistress Blunt: I thought it was already in the bag!

Mistress Eva: Hmm, conflicting instructions. The confusion had begun. [laughs] I walk over to the bag, and run my hands across the zip.

Mistress Blunt: I kneel in front of the body bag, cradling It’s head in my lap.

Mistress Eva: I think about how lucky It is to have Mistress Blunt’s bosom so close, but yet so far. [laughs]

Mistress Blunt: We tinker around with the bag, feeling the supple leather under our perfectly manicured red nails. 

Mistress Eva: I slowly crawl, hovering over it, still feeling the heat of the body through the bag. I lie down and feel It twitch. Is It still alive? 

Mistress Blunt: We listen closely. Mistress Eva and I sync our breath together, looking for a third breath. [laughs]

Mistress Eva: I don’t look so hard, because I don’t really care. I start to think about what tea I’m going to order at the shop. 

Mistress Blunt: Ooh, tea sounds delicious. I’ll let you order for me. 

Mistress Eva: I get up from the bag and start to undo It. Let’s let the body have a little bit of a breath. Shall we go to the shop, Mistress Blunt?

Mistress Blunt: “Yes, lets,” says Mistress Blunt. I grab my bag and Eva and I exit the hotel suite. 

Mistress Eva: I feel like I hear something walking behind us, but I don’t turn back to look. We turn towards the lift. For the first time in a long time, I press the button myself. It isn’t around to do so. Does that feel weird, Mistress Blunt?

Mistress Blunt: It is, it’s so rare that I open my own door. I wonder why It isn’t being useful. 

Mistress Eva: We’re at the cab already. Remember when It used to call ahead, used to go ahead and order our drinks for us? It will be interesting ordering myself this time. 

Mistress Eva: So we get to the store, and I open the door for you. 

Mistress Blunt: I laugh with glee, remembering times where submissives past have done it. I wonder if It were here to see you opening the door for me, how It would feel. Such labor!

Mistress Eva: I line up, the first line in a while as well. I think I’ll order Mistress Blunt an oolong and a chamomile for me. It’s been a stressful morning, watching somebody die. [laughs] The oolong arrives, and I hand it to Mistress Blunt. 

Mistress Blunt: Thank you Eva, you always know exactly what I like. People at the tables nearby are watching us.

Mistress Eva: Mm. We sit down at a small round table underneath the sunlight. And I feel like It is kneeling just next to your bag. The people still stare. What do you think they’re looking at, Mistress Blunt?

Mistress Blunt: [shakes cleavage] 

Mistress Eva: I don’t have such problems. [laughs]

Mistress Blunt: I don’t know, we always get stared at when we go out together. Perhaps it’s just that. And it has indeed been quite the morning, after putting a body in a bag and not knowing the state it came out. I wonder if It’s mourning for Itself. 

Mistress Eva: I wonder if It’s even realized that It’s dead. I remember how fixated It used to be on us. It never even realized It had It’s own mind.

Mistress Blunt: Mmm.

Mistress Eva: Do you remember how selfless It was?

Mistress Blunt: I do. I wonder if It feels any different at all, or if It feels It transcended to heaven.

Mistress Eva: Maybe It always felt a little relieved of itself, kneeling at our feet. Like it is in the afterlife right now. How’s your tea? [laughs]

Mistress Blunt: My tea’s great!

Mistress Eva: Oh good. It never could choose tea, could It? Some skills It never learned. 

Mistress Blunt: I can’t remember. 

Mistress Eva: It’s nice to be useful. Maybe I’ll get used to ordering tea for you and opening your doors. 

Mistress Blunt: What are you offering, Mistress Eva?? [laughs]

Mistress Eva: I don’t know. The novelty’s amusing right now. I spill a bit of tea, and it goes over your bag in the area where It would have been kneeling. It was still so hot. I’m so sorry about your bag! It’s trying to clean it up frantically in the afterlife, but It cannot. It’s dead.

Mistress Blunt: Can you imagine an afterlife watching the two of us and thinking about all the ways you could step in to care and to serve, and being stuck in this eternal purgatory of not being able to help? If only It had been more useful in real life.

Mistress Eva: Maybe we would have kept It around. [laughs] I still have a bit of tea left, maybe we can go for a walk. Shall we go to the cemetery? I would like to look for a burial plot.

Mistress Blunt: Yes, let’s. I think somewhere where wildflowers grow sounds perfect to stomp on a grave. 

Mistress Eva: Do you think we’ll ever put flowers on It’s grave? I open the door for Mistress Blunt. The sweat of a ghost of It walking behind us. 

Mistress Blunt: Walking silently towards the graveyard, we can feel It watching over us. It’s eyes never able to wander far from us, even in death. 

Mistress Eva: I’m glad that I taught It to walk three feet behind us at least. Almost like social distancing. [laughs]

Mistress Blunt: I have mine walk three feet behind me too!

Mistress Eva: Aw. Mine is always to my right.  

Mistress Blunt: Oh! It must be very confused right now. 

Mistress Eva: We should swipe places, just to confuse it more! Just in case It is walking behind us. 

Mistress Blunt: We should. The ultimate chastity would be to be killed by two Goddesses, never able to release again. 

Mistress Eva: Oh, that’s right! I never took the chastity device off! Where did I put that key? Well, there’s no use for it now. We arrive at the cemetery gates. 

Mistress Blunt: We walk through in unison, together. Mistress Eva to my right, and maybe someone, somewhere, confused, trying to enter as well. Will It be able to enter the graveyard with us?

Mistress Eva: I wonder if you can use your hands in the afterlife. I would love to create that rule. Maybe you can only use tongues in the afterlife, to open doors. It’s a good thing the times of coronavirus have passed.

Mistress Blunt: Do you remember that time, Mistress Eva? 

Mistress Eva: Mmm, edgeplay. Tongues to cemetery gates. We walk past the graves of those who were once famous. This is not the place for It. 

Mistress Blunt: We walk past the graves of people with family. This is not the place for It. We walk by the place for people with friends, and this is not the place for It. 

Mistress Eva: Do you remember how lonely It always seemed to look? It was quite amusing for me. I always liked the sense of hopelessness in It’s eyes. It added to It’s pathetic nature. 

Mistress Blunt: Like nothing would be enough for It. It was a greedy It. Devoted, but greedy. 

Mistress Eva: I feel a tear dropping from the afterlife, as maybe something drops to Its knees. 

Mistress Blunt: We have reached the part of the cemetery that is for non-famous people, people without family or friends, people who, the only thing they’ve amounted to in life is to somewhat please two beautiful women.

Mistress Eva: There are thousands of graves. [laughs]

Mistress Blunt: This is not the place for It!

Mistress Eva: I’m feeling kind, so we walk towards the cemetery for babies. It is somber but somehow sweet. Do you think this is the place for It? 

Mistress Blunt: I think this is the place for It, says Mistress Blunt.

Mistress Eva: Near the sidewalk, though. I don’t want to have to get my feet dirty if I ever visited. Do you think you’ll ever visit It? 

Mistress Blunt: Maybe over Zoom. [laughs]

Mistress Eva: We’ll get another It to livestream it, I guess. 

Mistress Blunt: Oh, we could have the other It in a body bag come and mourn for us.

Mistress Eva: Do you think this space will be good for it? I wish it could just lie down right now so I could see if It would fit. 

Mistress Blunt: That would be nice. I don’t even remember the shape or size of It. What It looked like, what It felt like. 

Mistress Eva: To be honest, I don’t think I ever really looked at It. 

Mistress Blunt: It was just It. And now It is dead, watching us forever.

Mistress Eva: The ghost lies down in the ground. I feel like It would fit, but we should choose a smaller space. I don’t want It to be comfortable. I kick the ground a little. 

Mistress Blunt: Kings and queens were buried with plenty of space, but that would not do for our dear It. We must find a space big enough to breathe and feel the space of the constraint, and small enough that it will never truly know rest. 

Mistress Eva: Do you think It ever felt rested in It’s waking life, Mistress Blunt?

Mistress Blunt: Not with all the tasks. 

Mistress Eva: Not with all the tasks. 

Mistress Blunt: The deprivation as romance. 

Mistress Eva: Do you remember what It’s favorite task was? I don’t think I paid attention to that either. 

Mistress Blunt: It’s favorite task was whatever we wanted at the moment, to fulfill our desires was It’s greatest will.

Mistress Eva: Mm. I’m sure It wished It could clean the rest of your bag that I cleaned so ineffectively. 

Mistress Blunt: It will have to live with that, knowing that my bag is stained for the rest of It’s pathetic eternity. 

Mistress Eva: I also remember how It used to love to lick my shoes clean, even though I never really understood why It thought that was making them cleaner. 

Mistress Blunt: The mistresses laughed, thinking about It licking It’s own graveyard off their boots. 

Mistress Eva: I sit down on a bench and lift my heels just for the ghost of It to get a sense of how dirty the soles have gotten. I can feel it hovering a foot away, it’s nose eager to be closer to the bottom of my foot. [pause]  Then I quickly put it on the ground and say, Mistress Blunt, shall we go?

Mistress Blunt: Goodbye!

Mistress Eva: We walk back out, past the graves. 

Mistress Blunt: Past the other mourners of people who were more cared about. 

Mistress Eva: And we reach the gates again. I open it and quickly shut it behind you, to make sure that no ghost can escape. Unless they use their tongue. I hear a creak! 

Mistress Blunt: It was never very good at asking for what It wanted. And the cemetery is staid for all eternity. Mistress Eva and I would occasionally send another It to mourn for us, but more realistically to see what their fate would be should they not please us. Should we decide not to take them out of the body bag one fateful morning. 

Mistress Eva: What do you think It eats in the afterlife? The flowers from the other graves?

Mistress Blunt: Dirt. 

Mistress Eva: It always liked the dirt from our soles. 

How Your Friendly Neighborhood Dominatrix is Navigating COVID-19: Eroticizing Social Distance

Mistress Blunt in Yoga pants

Hello Darlings,

I am sure you have all been eager to know the steps that I have been taking in my business to keep myself and my clients safe in this chaotic and scary time of COVID-19. Let me assure you that I have enough latex gloves and cavicide to last me for a few years, however, maintaining social distance (or physical distance and social closeness as I like to say) is of the utmost importance at this time. As an immunocompromised person, I will be suspending in person sessions and remaining sequestered in my fortress of solitude at an undisclosed location until the outbreak has plateaued. That being said, there are so many ways to serve me and continue your training with me in the meantime. This is an unprecedented time, and finding time for joy, pleasure and a firm hand are more important now than ever before. 

Here are a few ways to support your Mistress in the meantime:

  1. Coffee with Mistress. I will save my 10am morning coffee ritual for time to check in with my dear submissives and play partners. You may send me $200 on Venmo (@dasyayoga) with date requests. This is a perfect time to check in with me and catch up or get to know each other in a casual way and practice social closeness!
  2. Visit my clipstore and binge on my clips. I promise that they will keep you entertained, aroused and focused on what is important in life; me. 
  3. I am available for skype sessions and I excel at distance training. Make the most of this situation by obeying my every command. Email me to set a skype session up!
  4. Feel free to call me on Niteflirt. I am here to take your mind off of this shitshow, or to comfort you and help you find grounding. If you don’t see me online, feel free to send me an email to arrange a time to chat.
  5. Pre-book a session with me! I would love to have some plans after this madness slows down and it will bring me comfort knowing we have plans on the horizon. If you are someone who sees me regularly, think about saving up on missed hours for a longer session! Plan an overnight with me. I have so much time to plan and dream up delicious tortures for you. My blood lust is real right now. Give me something to look forward to!
  6. Give me peace of mind. If your income has not been affected by COVID-19, now is an opportunity to step up and support me in a material fashion. Offer to take care of my rent and bills until this is over. Generosity from you is always met with generosity from me and this is a beautiful gesture to make me feel taken care of over the next few months. @dasyayoga on venmo [email protected] on Paypal. Please put “bills” in the subject.
  7. As always, mutual aid is the most effective way to make a tangible difference to the communities most impacted by COVID-19. Please take a look at the following mutual aid fundraisers and if you have spare cash, donate when you can. If you send me a screenshot of a donation over $100 I will send you a sexy picture or a little love note.
  8. As I hole up, I plan on focusing on my business, branding, and marketing. If you are unable to materially support me during this time, I would love it if you would take the time to answer the following questions to help me with seeing how the content I put out there is received! Please email me with the following:
    1. What 3 words would you use to describe my play style?
    2. What 3 words would you use to describe my physical or fashion style?
    3. What 3 activities do you think I excel at?
    4. What would you like to see more of? 
    5. How often do you see Prodommes? Are you someone who devotes themself to one? Or likes to play the field?
    6. What is your favorite quality about me?
    7. What is your favorite quote on my website?
    8. What drew you to seeing me?
    9. Please write me a testimonial for my website if you feel so inclined!
Mistress Blunt Boot Domination

I sincerely hope that everyone is taking care of themselves and of each other. I hope folks are sharing their resources if they are in a financial position to do so. Collective care is what is needed in the moment.

I look forward to a future when I can enact all of the ways I have fetishized social distance (someone get me a vacbed! or send me pictures of you in head to toe latex!) with you.

With love and care,

Mistress Blunt

A Ritual (photos by Natasha Gornik)

(TW Blood)

When I facilitate a ritual BDSM journey for an individual I don’t always know what someone is working with. Oftentimes people will choose to keep the specifics to themselves, and only occasionally share with me after. I work with energy, so specifics aren’t necessary to do the work.

Here are her words:

Transformation is not only creation, but death. As part of my own transformation, Mistress Blunt guided me on a burial/birth ritual that would memorialize that which had served me so that I could make space for the person I wanted to become. To be buried in the totems of my old self required a reckoning and a coming to peace; an emotional journey played out on the body. Stapled and pinned to my flesh, my old self literally bound me. We said goodbye in the most beautiful way we could with flowers and jewels; the corpse that is even more breathtaking than it’s living memory. When Mistress Blunt cut me open, I felt my body breathe for the first time. Our energy transformed the moment it started to flow, and the blood charged us both. Painted in my blood, I could both say goodbye to that which needed to leave and at last appreciate the powerful life force that’s been inside of me all along. In the bath, swaddled in lace and held firmly in Mistress Blunt’s arms, I was reborn, emerging afterwards with the spirit of someone who has just gone to battle and the scars to prove it. 
Deft, creative, and intuitive, Mistress Blunt was a true medium. She understood how to simultaneously give me the support I needed to feel safe while giving me the space I needed to go on my own journey. Deeply attentive to my body and my signals, she always had a sense for where I was, even without verbal communication. While the scars have now mostly faded, this session left its imprint beneath the skin, and is something I will carry with me always. 

A Whipsmart Guide to Finding The Perfect Domme

A Whip-Smart Guide to Finding Your Perfect Domme in NYC

I was interviewed for Hustler’s Magazine this week about finding the perfect Dominatrix for you. You can read more of the interview here!

“Don’t be a little bitch about being a little bitch.” – Mistress Blunt, NYC Femdom Dominatrix

Because choosing the right person to cede control to takes a lot of self-determination.

Mired in self-doubt over the prospect of booking your first Domme? Don’t be. Chin up and eyes forward, slave—we’re going to teach you how to make all your sub fantasies come true, minus the anxiety of not knowing where to start.

Your guide for this voyage is a dominatrix who has dedicated two decades of her life to perfecting the fine art of kink. Mistress Blunt (pictured) is a professional, schooled at an “old guard” upstate New York training chateau where she studied power dynamics and BDSM before settling in Brooklyn, where she offers professional sessions to a very select clientele.

Strap yourself in; this is going to get very real, very fast.

HUSTLERMagazine.comIt can be daunting to articulate one’s kink and what one needs in order to be fulfilled. Some people must freeze in their tracks when it comes time to look for a Domme. What should that first step be?

Mistress Blunt: Of course it is intimidating! If you are contacting a pro Domme, it is probably something that you’ve been thinking about for a while. It’s a fantasy that you’ve been building up, and you are so close to it becoming reality. Making steps towards manifesting your desires can be a challenge, and learning how to ask for what you want can be just as difficult as actually receiving it. That being said, most experienced pro Dommes have a substantial web presence. The internet gives us the space to really lay out what we are looking for in a client or a submissive, to share our specific interests, and to call in the kinds of sessions that we truly enjoy.

Obviously it’s not a one-size-fits all situation when matching subs and Dommes… I’m into X, but this Domme specializes in Y, etc… how do we begin to match desires with a Domme’s skill set / specialty? Is it as simple as reviewing the info on a Domme’s Twitter profile or website?

They call me Blunt for a reason. My answer again is to do your research! My website states explicitly what activities I enjoy, what I want more of in my sessions, and what I do not like doing at all. I’ve laid it all out for anyone who might be interested to assess the fit. Sex worker twitter is amazing. Many of us share even more content behind paywalls. Follow us, pay us for our content. Read our websites. Look at our pictures. Do we share pictures of the activities you are interested in? It’s like assessing attraction and shared interest in any other situation. What Dommes are you finding that make you feel excited? What do you find to be a turn off? Being in touch with your desires, your body, and your intuition will help you decide who will be a good fit for you. It is not a one-size fit all situation, so avoid sending out a copy and paste email. It’s also important to not set your expectations too high. You are on a journey and building chemistry is a process. Even a mediocre session can teach you a lot about yourself and your desires if you are open to it. If you don’t get discouraged it could even bring you closer to finding the perfect fit for you.

This next question is about perception. Is it possible that some men (or women) find a Domme that they like and might be a good fit for them… but because Dommes are “scary” (I’m just setting up a hypothetical situation here) they don’t reach out to learn more; maybe because they’re scared of looking dumb? Which is crazy because we all have to start somewhere… what would you say to someone like this, who was feeling apprehensive about making first contact?

I’ve definitely had people who follow me on social media for a year or two before reaching out. Sometimes that’s what you need to do to feel comfortable! If you’re a novice and wanting to enter a new community, going slowly doesn’t hurt. But there is no need to be scared. If you are doing your research, sending thoughtful, concise replies (with $$ attached never hurts) you are more than likely to get a reply with more information and be one step closer to setting up a session and getting to explore your desires in real life! Make sure you are reaching out to your potential Domme how they want to be reached out to! AKA most likely NOT by sliding into their DMs. Dommes receive a lot of contact, most of mine goes to an automated folder that I don’t see unless you very explicitly follow my instruction. It saves both of us a lot of time. If you aren’t going to follow my instructions for an initial contact, I doubt you would be respectful of my other boundaries in real life! 

Now, let’s say I’ve done my research – went to your site, learned about your rates and services, got a feel for who you are… but I still have questions. How do I get more information without annoying you or wasting your time?

Yay! You’ve done your research, good pet. Now it is time to fill out my contact form. If you still have more questions after an initial exchange of emails, let the provider know. It is totally normal to have questions before a new experience. I’d say ¾ of the time people have questions for me after “doing their research”, I can direct them to a page on my website that answers their question. So, first, make sure you’ve actually done your research. Then, if you still have more questions ask the provider if you could schedule a time for a consultation phone call and what their rate or preferred method of consultation is. I don’t exchange more than 1-2 emails with an individual without a consultation fee or receiving a deposit. I only want to play with people who respect my time, so this boundary helps to ensure that happens. Booking a phone consultation is an excellent way to respect a provider’s time and ask questions to alleviate any anxiety you may be feeling.

I understand that what I’m about to ask is baseless, but it exists and I’d like to get your take… like any field, be it carpentry, insurance, education – whatever – there are good people and there are bad people. As a prospective client seeking a Domme, do I need to be worried at all about someone trying to take advantage of me, using my submissiveness as a way to exploit me? I imagine these types of occurrences are few and far between, but are there any red flags I should be watching out for as I seek out a Domme?

If you yourself are a novice and seeking out your first BDSM experience, I would encourage you to book with someone who has a solid reputation in the field. Again, sex worker twitter is a great way to get a better idea of what a Domme might be like in person. Is she interacting with other members of the sex worker community? Does she talk about going to classes and learning new things? Does she teach classes? I think the best Dommes are part of a community that they can share skills with and a community that holds them accountable for their actions.

Can you walk us through some of the most common questions you get from people wanting to learn more about your services, and how you answer them?

I actually very intentionally do not list a public facing email address on my website. I have a very thorough contact form that gives me all of the information I need to facilitate a session or assess my interest in seeing someone. Some of my questions are, “What do you do for self care?”, “When was the last time you cried.” “Can you tell me a little about your kink history or interests?” I think it’s important for prospective clients to remember that Dommes are also assessing the fit of the client. If someone isn’t following my protocol, respecting my boundaries, or if they are sending me a copy and paste message, that is a red flag for me and I am less likely to see them. Because my contact form is so thorough, I don’t get a lot of questions. Everything is on my website. Once people fill out my contact form, they are usually ready to book! The novice clients that want to do a paid phone consultation with me before meeting usually just want to chat! It is a great way of assessing chemistry, talking about boundaries, and to start getting excited about play.

I have a friend who is into HEAVY medical play. And there’s really no room for error when inserting things into a person’s urethra. How can I make sure that the Domme I’m dealing with knows what they’re doing?

Sounding is so fun! Dommes have specialties and usually advertise them. If what you are looking for requires a special skill set, make sure the Domme you are seeing has those skills and tools. I am really into blood play, medical staples, and play piercings. I take classes from kinky, licensed medical professionals to learn how to do these activities safely. I think of it like continuing education courses! I’ve been a Domme for 12 years, and even though I teach classes, I still take classes and attend skill shares all the time. 

Let’s say I find the perfect Domme for me – how do I stay in her good graces? What is considered a customary tip, and does gifting play into it at all? Do you like to be gifted? What characteristics do your best clients share? 

Ah yes, staying in your Domme’s good graces. I love getting little notes with my tribute and I always appreciate a tip. I think it is important to be realistic and not over promise or overextend yourself. If you need to save up to see me twice a year, great! Just let me know. Little thoughtful gifts between sessions are sweet. With gifting, it is important to gift your Domme what SHE wants, not what YOU want to get her. I have very specific tastes, and I don’t like clutter. You might think you are being thoughtful by getting me something that is not on my wishlist, but odds are you don’t know me well enough to know my tastes better than I do! I am very generous with my energy and I appreciate when people reciprocate in meaningful ways to improve my life. Like paying my rent, maxing out my Roth IRA, or buying me a Femdom Commune upstate…. 

One of my favorite material gifts was a Rick Owens coat I wanted accompanied with a note that said, “Don’t worry, I’m not in love with you, I’m just having a midlife crisis.” So a sense of humor is for sure something I enjoy in a submissive. I wear that coat almost every day in winter and think about him. My favorite clients are open-minded, reliable, good at stating their boundaries, honest, and generous. They genuinely enjoy service and submission and are transported through their devotion to me. My favorite submissives are ones I can find chemistry with and who are loyal. BDSM is a huge part of my life and I relish the moments where I can find points of connection and energy exchange in my work.

Any parting words or wisdom about the process?

Don’t be a little bitch about being a little bitch. Do your research. Fill out the form. Click Send.

-Check out my protocol and contact form for examples.

-Daddy An Li has a great guide for novices seeking a prodomme. 

La Maison Du Rouge occasionally does dramatic readings of how NOT to contact a prodomme on their Periscope channel.

Who said Dommes don’t fuck?

Mistress Blunt NYC Kinky GFE BDSM

Who said Dommes don’t fuck? Who said that Dommes don’t enjoy sex? Who said that Dommes don’t do whatever the fuck they want? Where did this idea come from that a Domme being penetrated makes her less of a Domme? I’ve never really liked being told what to do.

In my new 34-minute video with Owen Grey, I share with you an intimate video of the sex I like to have as a Dominatrix in my personal encounters. Whether you’re submissive or not, it doesn’t really matter, because I am going to use you like a toy and I always get my way.

You’re welcome, cucks.

Buy the clip and let me know what you think!

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