I had the pleasure of speaking with Lucy Sweetkill about transitioning D/s dynamics online, erotic versus service submission, the lower entry threshold that virtual kink provides to newcomers and so much more.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Hi, my name is Danielle Blunt. I am a professional dominatrix based largely out of New York City and I’m here today with Lucy SweetKill. Would you like to introduce yourself?
Lucy SweetKill: Yes, I’m also a professional dominatrix based out of New York City, but currently in the sunny Palm Springs area, escaping.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Rub it in.
Lucy SweetKill: I had to find an escape. It was just getting too much.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: There is a lot more space out there, too.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah, a lot more space. It’s been fun throwing my whips. I brought my whips with me, so just doing outdoor whipping, yeah.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. Oh, I love outdoor whipping. Even in New York City, I would bring my whips to the park and do with whipnics, picnic whipnics. Throwing my whips in the park always brought some interesting people around.
Lucy SweetKill: Oh, totally. I think I went to one of those, so fun.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah, you were there. I feel both of our practice is very much about these in-person connections and being able to attune with a submissive in person and really pushing and growing with submissives in ongoing types of play. What has it been like trying to take some of that and translate it to online play, the content you’re making, and within the dynamics that you’ve been maintaining with submissives throughout the pandemic?
Lucy SweetKill: Oh, man, it’s been very interesting. And I think a lot of us who’ve been talking to each other have been learning a lot of lessons and growing, because, yeah, I love in-person plays so much — the energy, the smell, the feel, the touch, all my senses being activated. So much of that gets cut out when you’re having online interaction. And that has been a mind fuck in a lot of ways.
And I would say there are few different categories of how that’s transitioned if we take current subs, current clients, current whichever, basically those who have an understanding of our interaction in person. Those are a little bit more easy to sustain because you can tap into your memories of play and what it is, and it can build up for future play. You have something to remember and taste, in your mind, that you can tap into and be like, “Oh, my God, we could do this and do this. And remember that one time we did this and maybe…”
It’s a really good… the online stuff like texting, video calls, phone calls, I guess in a lot of way could be good foreplay.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it as extended foreplay. The pandemic is our bondage and we’re working with what we have, and it is this seemingly never-ending tease.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. I feel maybe we’re just in a big chastity device.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: A big virtual chastity device!
Lucy SweetKill: Those relationships are easier to maintain because we’ve already created that bond and we’re in it together trying to get to the place we want to get– when we can play in person again. We can use things like SextPanther for texting, photos, videos, assignments, so those ongoing interactions create a bond.
For some subs, we have a schedule of when we text on SextPanther, whether it’s on goddess worship day, which is Sunday, or hump day, which is Wednesday. We also have little assignments for some days. And then, there are other subs that message me every day. And we just check in and connect as humans, especially for those who are quarantining by themselves, like, “How are you doing? What are you going to do for the day? Are you going to do anything kinky? Are you going to do anything fun?”
Some have interactive kinky things to do for the day and sometimes my subs will tell me about a BDSM dream they had. And then, we’ll be like, “Oh, what do you have that maybe we can play these things out?”We’re trying to have a little more interaction for solo play.
And then, of course, for those who have partnerships or maybe roommates or where they don’t have much privacy, I think it’s just nice to be able to have an outlet through SextPanther or NiteFlirt or whichever, where they can at least talk about some of their pent-up kinks that are coming up, going down memory lane for some of them. I had been talking to one sub who was moving, and he came across all these pairs of panties he’d forgotten he had bought or had. And then, we talked about how the first time he got into panties. And he talked about how nice it was to go down memory lane.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s a logical approach to kink.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah, some people don’t have anyone to talk to about that even more now because they’re not either having their sessions or they’re maybe not going to community events. So, it becomes a really great way of just being able to send a text and talk about these things without revealing too much or putting yourself in a situation where other people in your life are going to find out.
And then, the other category is for those who are brand new, who are part of the new people every day making that decision to say “I’m finally going to see a dominatrix.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I wonder what the statistics are and how many people a day decide “today is the day, I’m going to do it, I’m going to see a dominatrix”.
Lucy SweetKill: We’ve all gotten those e-mails, right. The “so, I’ve been looking at your stuff for so long and I decided today, I want to schedule an appointment.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: “I’ve had this draft of your contact inquiry in my Google docs for three months and I decided, I can’t not send it any longer.”
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah, we’ve all gotten these e-mails at some point. So, with how many months have gone by, how many people a day are finally making that decision, right? And now they don’t have that option. So now, they’re thinking about it, but they have no outlet for it. I’m getting a lot of people who are, “I’m totally new. I’m totally new. I’ve come across this.”
I think in general, too, porn has gone up, so people are viewing more porn, which maybe means they are accidentally coming on to other kinky things through porn. They’re online. And so, I think they’re maybe coming across things a little bit quicker. And then they are like “ok, let me just look into it.” And then, knowing that they don’t actually have to book anything, they’re starting to discover maybe there are some other ways.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: That’s what I’ve noticed, too, that it seems right now, there’s a lower threshold to entry for people who are new to kink. And what I’ve been finding in my practice and in translating submissive training to online work is that submissive training works really well online.
What I’ve been doing is meeting with people once a week or twice a week and we set aside time, they keep submissive training journals for me, and they go through what protocols work for us, what tasks work for us, what makes you feel connected when we’re not there so that this still feels like an act of service to your dominant.
What I found is that with a lot of the people that I’ve been doing this training with, who weren’t preexisting clients or submissives, I don’t know if they would have booked me immediately for a session. I think that there’s something that feels slightly less threatening than stepping physically into someone’s dungeon space than it does to book a Skype call or text someone on SextPanther or sign up and follow someone’s OnlyFans.
I’ve also have been finding a lot more people between the ages of 21 and 35 have been contacting me. A lot of people who haven’t explored kink and definitely a lot of people who are quarantining alone. I think people are really craving intimacy right now in any form.
I think, even in my in-person play, a lot of it is about intimacy, and being able to tolerate and explore intimacy with another person. And I think that that’s the part of online work that really works well for me, especially the one-on-one times and spaces. Like I like doing this interview series because I get to sit and talk to someone one on one, which especially, if your quarantining alone, where you’re often part of these very large Zoom calls, feels really nice.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. I think the barrier to entry and the distractions are much lower. And the access is much. Because what people are doing is consuming content of some kind, whether they’re online looking at stuff, whether they’re consuming porn media. They’re also not distracted by other instant gratification things like going out, hanging out with friends, going to the bars, going to a restaurant, going to the movies. So, all these other things that are pulling people’s attention to maybe try to figure out some of their own shit, they don’t really have any more. So, they have to sit in their stuff. And when you sit in your things, your mind starts to go.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: And you can’t deny these things that you know to be true about yourself and that you’re interested, that when you have all these distractions, you can just be like, “Oh, that’s not a priority for me right now.” Or like, “That’s what I’m going to think about when I’m jerking off, but never again.”
Lucy SweetKill: There’s less of all those other distractions, and it’s all closed and the only outlet to the outside world for most people are through their computers or their phones, so they’re searching and can keep it in semi-secret, right for many more hours and days. I think it leads to people finding all these other things that maybe they didn’t have the time and energy to look for before and didn’t realize were available.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I think there’s something, too, especially for kink-curious people who are quarantining alone or have had other partners who aren’t necessarily kinky or who would otherwise be casually dating and looking for something that they want, about people sometimes settling for relationships that only meet some of their needs.
And they’re able to be like, “Okay, this kink need that’s not being met is fine. I can explore that on my own. I can hire a professional to see that.” And I think what I’ve noticed with a lot of people contacting me, especially people who are quarantined with partners who aren’t kinky, maybe it’s a good relationship, maybe it’s not a great relationship, maybe it’s good in some ways and some things are lacking that they typically outsource for.
But for the most part, a lot of people who have been contacting me are realizing kink is a really important part of their life. It is at the root of how I feel intimate with others. And D/s relationships and D/s dynamics are something that I want to put more energy into and want them to be more integrated into how I cultivate relationships in the future.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. I’ve definitely noticed that, too, because it’s an evaluation period. I saw 2020 as a really big time to reevaluate a lot of stuff. That’s why so many people broke up. So, it either made or broke your relationship for a lot of people who are in partnerships. Because they’re trying to figure out all those other things, like you aren’t able to outsource a lot of your stuff, like hang out with your friends?
You’re hanging out with this one person. Is your relationship so solid that you could be with this person for this long period of time without the outsourcing of kink or all these other things? You no longer can ignore that some of this stuff is not part of your relationship and it’s going to come up.
I see kink as a sexual identity. And those things can’t be as easily ignored anymore because there’s limitations to everything right now.You cannot hide it.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I was talking to someone and we were doing a virtual session consultation just talking about kink. And he is sitting in his car in a cul-de-sac because he has a wife and kids, who don’t need to know about it, or he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing that with them, or it’s not part of his relationship with his wife.
And he’s sitting there in this very covert posture, and I feel it’s just this very interesting dynamic that can at some times, exacerbate shame. But also, then when you have the outlet for it to talk through it can be very cathartic. And I just remember, he’s sitting in the car in this cul-de-sac and he’s like, “Oh, my God, it is just so nice to talk to someone about this.”
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. I think that’s the big thing is people are realizing that they want to talk about it. And I think that’s the one good thing about… because the barrier to entry to kink seems lower right now. There’s less distractions, so people can really hone in and think about this a little more. Something that, maybe shame, is what kept them to be like, “Oh, I’m going to push that in the back of my mind, and not deal with it and then focus on all these other distractions. You don’t have as many of those.
I also think that it is really good for new people to start this way in a lot of ways. Because just like the same thing I see for dating, it forces you to move away from instant gratification, which is like, “Swipe, ooh, they’re hot. Let me go meet them. Boom, let me have sex.” You’re forced to have these Zoom dates, phone dates.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I feel it’s that idea of bondage or restraint or constraint that’s now being placed on all of our social interactions, as well as the necessity of communication and really deciding, is this date that I might go on worth than having to quarantine for two weeks?
In person meeting new people has just a much higher risk factor right now that I feel like people are hopefully taking it more seriously of what that means. And then, I also think that it means that if your needs aren’t being met in that situation, it necessitates a reevaluation.
Lucy SweetKill: Oh, totally. I think it’s a lot of people, it’s slowing a lot of things down, which I think is actually really good, because I think we do as a society have an issue with instant gratification and a very low attention span, right, where we’re very much like, “I want it now, I want to feel good now, I want to do the thing now, now, now, now.”
And this really slows it down, which is a concept, a big concept in BDSM, right? Don’t focus on the orgasm. Focus on the journey and all of that. And let’s talk about communication and consent. And this is so much of that, right, which is communication, consent, like, okay, what have you been doing to take your COVID precautions? I want to connect with this person enough to make sure that if I do take this risk that it’s going to be worth the risks. We do so many things sometimes that we don’t necessarily want to do or we don’t even think about, just because it’s easy, just because it’s in the moment. And this gives a little more time for reflection and reevaluation.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. And I like what you said about that being part of BDSM dynamics. Heteronormative sex is very focused on an orgasm, a male orgasm is the ending point and it’s and it’s done. And this idea of taking your time, the tease and the denial being part of getting to know and establish new dynamics, I think is really interesting.
I’ve been having a lot of fun with that in virtual training. I have a few people who I’m working with on virtual submissive training as a way to keep kink alive in the pandemic. But what it’s really done has been really mindful communication that has been based largely in interpersonal dynamics and figuring out what works for each of us as individuals and where we can find space to meet in the middle for healthy and sustainable dynamics. As well as creating all of this space to dream up incredible post-pandemic scenes together and enjoy that intimacy, that closeness of regular communication, and regular fantasizing, and creating that space into your schedule at a regular interval to feed your erotic self.
Lucy SweetKill: It’s been interesting because I think it helps one of my clients discover that his idea of submission was not what his idea of submission was very much based in this fantasy idea. It really was more about him only wanting to be sexually submissive.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: He is not so much into service submission.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. Which is a very different idea of submission for me. For me, sexual submission is such a small part. And it’s something that a lot of male-identified folks want to feel, but not necessarily understand that, I think, a lot of dommes and women see more holistically as a bigger sense of everything.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Even chastity is so wrapped up in the male orgasm, even when you’re denying orgasm, it’s still erotic submission. I got really bored last night and was swiping around on Tinder and matched with this person whose name was Cuck. And I just decided to play the oblivious girl who knows nothing about kink. And I was like, “Oh, my God, what a cute name. Is that a family name?” And he’s like, “No. Actually, it’s short for cuckold.”
I was like, “Oh, interesting.” I’m like, “What is that?” And he’s explaining it to me in this way that’s very based on the male needs. And I asked him another question. And I was like, “Oh, and how does that benefit the woman in the relationship?” And he’s like, “Well, she could control my orgasm. She wouldn’t let me come. She could fuck other people, and all these things.”
And I’m like, “Wow, that’s so interesting. I asked how it would benefit me. And you didn’t even ask what I was interested in. And here you have all these assumptions of what I would like.” And it was just very fun for me to activate my little fake, non-knowledgeable status. And he’s like, “Hmm, I guess I have some things to think about.”
Lucy SweetKill: It is very true and I try to get a lot of my clients and subs to understand that difference. If your submission is so tied to your orgasm or lack of orgasm it is erotic submission and, yes, that’s a form, but it’s not everything. And it’s still very self-centered base.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Which, that’s fine. It’s just frustrating for me when people use all of this other language around submission, like, “I’m yours.” “I belong to you.” Like, “I’m your submissive. You can do whatever you want to me as my domme.” But that’s not true because they say “I want to do is to be able to come under these set of circumstances or not come with this.” And that’s totally fine. I just appreciate when people are like, “I’m into sexual submission and orgasm control.”
But for me, sexual submission is only interesting to me in the grander scheme of general submission. I have a submissive, who is into cuckolding and orgasm control. But also, they’re incredibly service-oriented.
So, when that person is doing service for me, that feels erotically charged for me. Like when this person is doing my dishes, or when this person is working behind the scenes on my website for me, and thanks me afterwards for giving them the opportunity to serve me. That’s what I find erotically charging in a similar way that the orgasm control does, but it’s like the two fuel each other for me.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. For me, that’s okay if it’s just sexual submission for them. I just don’t like when they start using all these other words as if it’s this other thing when it’s really not, it’s very focused on my services as a prodomme, which isfine. You pay me for my service to control that aspect of you. And we set a period of time in this fantasy exchange that we have.
But for me, true DS, is not just that. If you think about it, what reward do I get? Because I control your orgasm? Who gives a fuck? That gives me nothing.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: As long as it’s presented as what it is — as an exchange of labor for fantasy and money, that’s great. That’s an exchange that works for me. But yeah, it’s just not who I normally have in my life and personal D/s relationships, where it’s more, not always 24/7, but just our way of relating as through D/s dynamics.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. And so, it’s been through this going online, through these video calls, phone calls, he realized that he kept using all these words that I kept saying, this is not… you keep saying you want to serve me and do anything, but no, you don’t, because if it’s not tied into sexual submission, you get upset. And so, this is what I’ve been trying to reveal to him over the last two years.
But over the last two years to three years, he was so distracted by our play together, and feeling my dominance within our play, that he, even though I would tell him, “your submission is not the type of submission I want”.
It finally hit him when we had our weekly call. I was having a bad day. And I was letting him know about my bad day and it took up our hour. It’s a paid call, but he wants to work to be trained to be my sub, right? And it took up most of the hour. We didn’t really talk about his fantasies or anything like that. And then, we got off. And he was super upset. And instead of losing his shit out on me, which he has learned not to do, he was like, “Miss, can I take some time to process some things after our call, some thoughts and feelings I had?”
He later reached out and was like, “You know, you’re right. If it’s not tied in to my orgasm and eroticism and my sex and all of that, and my sexuality only, I don’t want it. I realized I get upset by it.” And I was like, “Yes. So now, you’re realizing that you don’t actually want to be my submissive. You only want to be erotically submissive to me when it benefits you.”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I’ve had similar experiences, and it’s always instances where you step off of this pedestal that they’ve put you on. The only thing is it’s someone else putting you on a pedestal, and their preconceived notions about you. You say “this is my need or what I’m interested in in this scenario, or I’m having a bad day, or you know what, I’m human, and I have the flu and I need to reschedule, or you just need to sit there and feel shitty and get support.”
I was training someone who very much said that they wanted to be my submissive. And I would ask him to come up with lists of ways that he could serve me, which is something that I often do for submissives. And it’s exclusively a list of, “I can give you my orgasm, I can go down on you, I can clean come out of you, I can do all these things. I can rub your naked body.” But none of that is in service to me. If it was, I would be the one telling you to.
And then, I have people being like, “I’m an SEO expert. I could help you with your website. I have X, Y, and Z skills and can do this for you. I can teach you this video editing software or just things that like thinking about who I am, what I do, and things that they have to actually offer me, or I’m well resourced and can provide you with money.
And I had this experience with one submissive over quarantine, where he was insisting he was interested in being owned and trained as my submissive and he wanted to be my favorite submissive. He didn’t just want to be my submissive. He wanted to be my favorite submissive. And we were like having conversations about this and the pandemic, talking about things that were useful to me and I’m like, “Well, having these regular calls is great for me, my income has taken a hit, and having contributions towards my rent, contributing to mutual aid efforts are all things that you can do to serve me.”
But after I posed this question to him, he wound up buying me a pair of boots that were the same price as my rent. And I was like, “Hmm, thank you for the boots.” But this is not what we were talking about. This is a gift for you. I could sell the goods and pay my rent, sure. But if I had been set up for success of him saying “all I want to do is talk about foot fetish and service in an eroticized way,” I feel I would have been better able to provide that service, rather than putting in more energy thinking it would be a more intimate D/s relationship.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah, I agree. I have these conversations with every single one of my clients, actually. It is a conversation that I say benefits them because you’re going to figure out more about what you want and be able to ask for what you want.With a lot of my clients, I teach them the difference between these things. You want to role play submission and being my slave and blah, blah, blah, and you sleep in the cage under my bed, we can fucking do that. I love doing that. I love doing the role play. And I love doing the submission within that context, within that box, right? We can do that.
But don’t come at me saying that you want to be trained, that you want to do this whole other thing, because I will let you know what that reality looks like. The reality is, the subs who have been my personal D/s slaves, one of them being Pain Puppy that a lot of people know, don’t always get all the fun and games that everybody thinks they do.
He does get that access. It’s a reward for submitting to me and being my submissive. But like he went to my apartment the other day to wait for an hour because I have a gated door, and he had to wait to try to get into the front gate just so that he could slip something in the mailbox to let the mail person know that I still live there. He waited an hour on two or three different day occasions. One day, he waited an hour and no one was coming in and out and so he just couldn’t get in. And then, he came back another day.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: That’s so romantic.
Lucy SweetKill: And that’s submission, right? Because I need you to go let the mail person know that I’m still here, please keep my mail. And he’s done that, or the fact where I’m like, “Hey, can you…” One time, I was traveling and my friend was staying at my apartment and there was no toilet paper. And I totally forgot.
Lucy SweetKill: And I said, “Hey, can you go get some toilet paper and go meet her, let her in. Because he also was giving her the key, I was like, “Go, let her in, give her the key, and make sure to have toilet paper because I forgot to buy toilet paper.” And he did exactly that. That’s service, right?
Mistress Danielle Blunt: And there’s this enjoyment of it and an ideal for him, which I know Pain Puppy, so when people do service for me, they thank me after and for things like that. I’ve been in DS relationships where part of their submission and their service to me was going to the post office and the pharmacy for me. I didn’t wait in a bureaucratic line that I didn’t have to for three years.
That is a beautiful act of loving submission. And I’ve been in D/s dynamics where actual service is making my life easier, more enjoyable. And for the person who’s doing the service for me, it’s also doing, it has a symbiotic relationship for them where they’re getting something out of it. I don’t want service from someone who’s not interested in giving service to me. It doesn’t land well for me, either.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. Because if somebody is just like, ” Uh, fine, da, da, da.” That’s a shitty thing, too. You don’t want that. I know that, yes, if it came down to it, does pups necessarily want to wait outside of my apartment for an hour? No. But he does it because he knows it helps me and he also has a good attitude about it, because he understands that whatever I need, he will do because he understands how much I give him.
He understands that dynamic as well, because he has a very truly submissive mind. He’s not necessarily a service sub, but he has a submissive mind and lens to everything, where to him, that still is important to make me happy more than anything. And when he chooses to service someone, it’s like important to make me happy.
And so, I’m very honest with a lot of clients, because I get a lot of people who understand that I do train a lot of subs. I do take this time right now, where I’m like, “Okay, you want to be under my training, there’s a few people right now.” Where I’m like, “This is what it looks like, whether it’s for me or not. Right now, I’m actually training a few people for their wives.
They’re on weekly calls with me talking about what did they do for their wives, keeping journals about one assignment I gave. One of them, which is, anytime your wife has to ask you to do something, I want you to note that for the week. I want you to note it so that you see areas that you can improve, right?
ike if she asks you to fill her wine glass, that is something you should have seen. And they’re very thankful because it’s refining their ability to serve and submit in the type of relationship they want. They have female relationships with women who are not actually aware of… who are not trained in this area, right, but are starting to open and enjoy their male partners or their female partners, actually, who want to learn how to serve better.
Lucy SweetKill: And so, they’re asking me to advise them in that.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: And it is interesting, too, how gendered it is. I feel this service that male submissives do for women is oftentimes invisibilized labor of women. And I think pointing that out to them as well has been fun for me. I also have some people who send their partners to me for husband training, if you will.
It’s interesting to have them both being sent to me by the wife and also… I think a lot of the people who see me for training take a more submissive role in their relationship anyways, whether or not it’s talked about. So, there are certain things that the wife seems to be enjoying about having a more submissive partner, whether or not she knows exactly the language of BDSM and DS dynamics around that.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. And that’s the other thing, right? Because we get this all the time and it’s having to reeducate men specifically to be less self-centered. Because I think a lot of women are socially already taught to think about others. I’m not saying, obviously, this is a blanket statement for both, any gender, to be honest. But there is a majority where it’s very focused on them, what they want, their orgasm, all those things, and so they don’t necessarily see all these other stuff that need a little help in. And in general, I think it just helps the world, right, to try to think of other people outside of your own stuff.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Right and you’re asking people to change literally every way that you interact with other people and with yourself, with your body, and with me, so that it’s in service to community, to the relationship that we’re cultivating together. It’s very few and far between who are into that. And I think it is a matter of helping people find the language of the container that they actually want.
I think of the container of a session as a boundary as well and being able to competently talk about what your boundaries are is really important. And I think it does get into this grayish area when people are using language of long-term submission, especially like both of you are kinky and are personalized to some extent.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. I think that’s definitely a big part of our job, we end up having to do. But also part of it is I like to take the, wrap the vegetable and cheese analogy of, I am always trying to teach some good behaviors with some of my clients who are clearly not looking for that other part. But I wrap it nicely within, like, “Oh, here, your erotic submission, which you really, really want, right?” And then, I’d be like, “Well, if you’re going to eat that, you’re going to also have to take in, like, “You know, it’d be really good to be thought about these things, too.” And so, I feel I definitely try to weave some of these other things that they may not think about.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: It’s hard not to, too, especially if you’re having ongoing relationships with people, and you are literally on your knees worshiping me in a session, and you’re going to treat women in your personal life like shit, that doesn’t fly for me.
And there are times when they’re talking about their personal relationships and they’re not in alignment with where they should be, it gets pointed out. And I do love the idea of like, “You want this foot? You want this candy? We’ll, also, you’re going to have to treat me with respect.”Or politics, right, where you’re just like, “Oh, turn it up. But you do know that if you don’t vote in da, da, da, this is what happens.” And I feel I definitely weave a lot of these things in to get… and you know, because a lot of these relationships we have, even if it’s not a personal lifestyle DS, we have a lot of clients we’ve known for so long, ongoing relationships.
I love having these deep conversations with them to just open up their eyes to the reality of the world, whether it has to do with sex or politics, whether that has to do with race. Like back at my old house days, the Asian fetish thing was heart, big heart. And I would take that opportunity when they would use words like Oriental, or like, “Oh, I definitely have an Asian fetish.”
Lucy SweetKill: I would take that and take that opportunity to educate them a little within the context of kink and BDSM because they wouldn’t see these things, they wouldn’t notice these things. I remember, one of my really, really good clients, when he first voted, when Trump first was on the ballot and voted for Trump, we did a hard heavy caning scene after that.
I was just like, “What are you thinking?” I was like, “You’ve known me for so long. You’ve known all this stuff for so long, blah, blah, blah.” And we talked about it and while he was getting caned. And I was just like, “This is what happens. Do you see? I understand you thought about the money aspect.But money is not the only thing that you should be thinking about. You should be thinking about all these things you care about.” And it was just a huge caning scene to talk about his behavior.
I get that you voted because of money, but you should ask yourself, deep inside of your soul, should that be the only thing that matters, because we could take other stances just about money that would be really fucking horrible.” And then I’m like, “Maybe sometimes you sacrifice money for a bigger, greater cause, do you think that’s something that is actually would be good?”
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I do that to some extent as well. I remember having a conversation with a Jewish client, and I’m Jewish as well about the way that they were voting. He basically was texting me on SextPanther being like, “Well, you wouldn’t like my politics.” And I was like, “Do you want to tell me what I wouldn’t like or do you want to be punished for something? Where are we going?”
We wound up talking about tax rates and higher tax rates for richer people as a form of tzedakah of giving back to communities. Hmm, I never thought about it like that. And all the things that we’re talking about in this conversation, and I feel it’s reframing things for people so they’re not at that epicenter of whatever decision is being made.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. I think that language right now and communication is so huge, because unfortunately, we have such like… language is so nuanced and has such different meaning for different people. We’re just like, “We’re total perverts.” But if you say that word, pervert, in a different context, not a context, but within a different group, a lot of times the first thing that comes into their minds are people who molest children, right? And that’s the first thing, and so it’s hard for them to wrap their thoughts around that word, pervert when a lot of us, it’s just lighthearted, right?
Mistress Danielle Blunt: The pathological nature of how diverse sexualities or perverse sexualities have been coupled together in a psychological and legal standard the same as both criminal activity and the harm of minors. I think it’s like there’s power to reclaiming a word and also understanding why other people might not be into it.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I want to start wrapping up the conversation now. Is there anything that you would be interested in ending on?
Lucy SweetKill: Well, we did talk about some fantasy scenes that we’ve conjured up during this time. For me, I would say, I miss giving pain for my pain sluts. For those who have learned that pain can be very transformative. It can be also such a great sense of relief and release. I have a lot of subs that when they get a hard ass beating, it just forces them to get out of their head and just let go. It’s what they need to let it all out. And then, there are those who just love it and enjoy it. Shine Girl being one of them.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: I love Shine.
Lucy SweetKill: I miss the power of pain. I miss the power of using my whips, my paddles, my canes, all of that, because I am a sadist. I do enjoy it. I love the sound. I love the feel, the marks, all of it, and I haven’t been getting to do much of that. And unfortunately, my partner who is not someone who enjoys too much pain has been bearing the burden of love, of physical love, more of biting, which he still doesn’t like. He doesn’t like the extent. His numbers with biting pain is, he can go up to maybe a five or six of what I’m able to do.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: And want to do.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. I want to go more to an eight or nine. So, sometimes I play on that line of what he is willing to take and capable of taking. So, sometimes, a little more. And it’s been a little rough on that part, where he was just like, “you bruised me.” And he’ll get really upset. He’ll get over it because he knows that I do the lighter side. But really the side I want to go on a lot is between that seven, eight, nine, and he’s at a six, is his highest, so.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I definitely miss hurting people. Things like give me flesh between my teeth, my fingers, a body underneath my feet, a cock under my foot. There’s so much about it, or I also really love foot worship scenes. And just I haven’t had that in a really long time. And then, I’ve also been noticing that the pandemic has been making me fetishize latex in a way that I’ve never really experienced. I don’t consider myself a latex fetishist.
But I really want to have submissives in front of me in heavy latex, completely objectified in vacbed where just the only thing keeping us apart is this millimeter of black latex. So, I’m very much fetishizing the difference. And I am hoping that I’ll have some new latex goodies and latex sluts to play with post pandemic so I can enact some of those fantasies.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. I’ve been thinking a lot about tickling a lot, too, because I just love bondage and tickling. And I came across a bunch of my old tickling videos that I’ve taken with some subs. And just having someone tied up and tickling them, and so they’re just begging and begging in a way obviously is very sadistic.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Seeing someone that responds in real time to something that you’re putting out there and that ability to attune and meet someone and play and find this flowy state of reciprocity is something that I also like. I found, to some extent, I can translate to online scenes. And I have a really hot virtual boot fetish scene, which really work as he was a hardcore boot fetishist.
So, I could very much see and hear his arousal and a very visual fetish for him. That was very fun for me. And I haven’t done too many online fetish sessions, but I definitely am interested in seeing how they translate into the more virtual realm.
Lucy SweetKill: Yeah. I do miss the real-time reactions. I think that’s a big thing. A lot of that real-time reaction, it goes beyond just seeing and hearing, right? You just can feel it. It’s so tangible. It’s in the air. It’s pheromonal, all this stuff is happening. And a little bit, I’ve been enjoying actually texting, like sexting.
That’s actually been really fun, because I can get really creative and hope to get in a spin and I crave just all these fantasy things of what could happen. I’ve always enjoyed that part.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah. I’m also like a very verbal top. I love talking through a scene, and so I’ve taken some of those skills as well as what I’ve learned about from my yoga teacher training and meditation training of being able to create a scene visually as much as I can somatically, so that people can really enter that space and be there with me as much as possible given the restraints.
Lucy SweetKill: Totally, storytelling, foreplay storytelling.
Mistress Danielle Blunt: Yeah, storytelling. Alright, thank you so much for chatting with me. It’s so good to talk to you!
Lucy SweetKill: I had a great time chatting.
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