I sat down with my erotic hypnosis submissive to discuss intimacy in service-oriented tasks, responsible financial domination on a working class budget, the ordinary ways D/s relationships manifest, and more.
This is part of an on-going series where I interview some of the submissives I share a D/s relationship with, like my former personal submissive and my woman finsub.
Mistress Blunt: Maybe we should start with your mantra, and then you can introduce yourself.
Brian: I am weak, and you are strong. And my name is Brian. I’m a writer. And I’ve been serving you for sometime now.
Mistress Blunt: I can feel your whole energy shift with just you reciting that little erotic mantra.
Brian: Yeah. Very powerful.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. How does it feel to have a simple sentence like that have so much control over you?
Brian: It feels really good. It came up very organically in our session. We were thinking it out, almost out of words, and it just feels like a very organic, natural growth that just… I don’t know. It just feels very right. Those words have a very calming influence, a very powerful, erotic influence. And when I say them to myself, I can just speak it out and just visualize everything just pausing and slowing… instantly. It feels very nice to have.
Mistress Blunt: That sentence came out of an erotic hypnosis session, and it just sort of was the distillation of everything that was going on. Just, distilling it down to one sentence that we could focus on and bring the attention to within that scene.
Brian: My mind has always been scattered, and I can often be trying to rush out five different ideas at once. This devotional submissive mantra was a very calm and perfect distillation of all the different things that I was feeling in that moment. And it’s nice to remember that centering, that focusing, almost laser-like. It feels very good.
Mistress Blunt: We’re so far away from each other physically right now; we’re doing this interview remotely. But I could just see that entire shift in how you’re holding yourself, your breath. And I could feel you going there with me, which was really cool.
Brian: I’m glad. I’m glad it’s obvious.
Mistress Blunt: It is obvious, in most of our interactions. Remind my readers how we met.
Brian: Let’s see. I first discovered you online, on Twitter. And I thought your tweets were really, really interesting. I thought they were really funny, really smart. Always political. I was learning a lot from them. I was really, really interested. And I found almost everything in your list of favorite kinky BDSM activities to be intriguing. I thought it was the hottest thing.
Just various pictures, jokes, femdom witticisms or observations that other dominatrixes have made. And I just felt a very, very strong vibe. Very, very strong connection. I had seen other Dommes before, both in person and over the Internet. And I had certainly had a lot of good times.
But, I don’t know. I was just like, “Everything she posts, I always think it is the hottest thing, ever.” And I was like, “As soon as I can afford to, I very much want to see her.”
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. And you were good. You saved up to come and see me. I love that.
Mistress Blunt: And so you did see me. Tell me about that…
Brian: Oh, man. Oh, man. Let’s see. I remember feeling a lot of excitement in the first session. I remember coming to the dungeon and just feeling as if everything I had seen on the screen was just magnified in my head… even more powerful in reality. It’s like, suddenly you were there. And that was really, really powerful. Just to have that connection. And I remember you had me walk home after our session. You made me walk home the whole way.
Mistress Blunt: How long of a walk was it?
Brian: It was about a 45-minute walk. It was good.
Mistress Blunt: You were floating after that session. I didn’t want you going onto a subway platform.
Brian: Yeah. I was very, very much floating. I just remember that feeling of energy. I remember feeling this sub bliss… just a complete subspace bliss. Which was really, really great. I had fallen into an erotic hypnosis trance by that point. And just really riding this real incredible high of just being in your presence.
Mistress Blunt: And how does it feel to have such a malleable mind, that a dominatrix like me can just weasel her way in and move some things around?
Brian: It feels good. It’s something that hasn’t always been best for me, honestly. At times, it’s brought me into relationships with people that ended up being overall negative. And it hasn’t always been the easiest thing. Because I’ve become aware that I get very, very excited about it. And I get very, very interested. And I get malleable, as you said.
Mistress Blunt: It’s a vulnerable state.
Brian: It’s a very vulnerable state. It really, really is. And to have someone like you, such an incredible Mommy Domme. That felt really good. It felt like a key unlocking, very much.
Mistress Blunt: Mommy Domme only plants beneficial ideas in your brain. Beneficial to me, at least. (laughs) I’d be interested in hearing if you wanted to talk a little bit about what felt different in our session compared to some other ones. And I do remember when you were coming to see me, that was something that we were talking about. Some things that didn’t work or that you wanted to avoid.
Brian: Things that were different with you. What I felt was that it was so obviously about your pleasure, an exciting opportunity to add to your pleasure and add to your comfort and add to your ease. And just having that ability to do that felt very rare, and felt very important. Very significant, in that time. In other sessions I’d been in… I don’t want to… it’s so deeply felt, it hit me… just the chance to add to your pleasure, I would say.
Mistress Blunt: Yes, my pleasure is a good thing.
Brian: Absolutely. It was a chance to rewire myself. And previous experiences were quite physical, quite incredible, a lot of rushes, a lot of highs, but there wasn’t a chance to settle in and alter myself like there was in the session with you.
Mistress Blunt: So a place for what happened in the session to move outside of it in a way that felt healthy and okay?
Mistress Blunt: “Yes, Mistress, that’s exactly what I meant.” Just teasing you and mimicking my mind control powers. (both laugh)
So what I’m hearing you talk about is a little bit about providing comfort, aiding in my pleasure. I know that our sessions revolve around femdom and financial domination. And I wonder what role female-led relationships take for you? What role it has in your life? How have you gone about finding healthy ways to integrate it into your relationships? And so that it’s sustainable for you.
Brian: Yeah. It’s certainly been a journey for me to do that. For a long time, it was a way for me to escape my problems, it was the way for me to avoid. It’s easy to avoid change when you’re into a humiliation fetish. It can be easy to self-fulfill that thing.
I would say after seeing you several times, I just have been able to incorporate a femdom-level of fun and self-discipline, and find a comfort within myself.
In my current relationship with my girlfriend, it can be part of a fun dynamic that we have from time to time. When she used to come over to my apartment, the way it would go on Saturday morning is that we would usually have sex. And then I’d always go out and get us both breakfast while she stayed in and just relaxed… and other domestic femdom elements like that. And like, walking back from the grocery store. And I’ll just carry all the bags. Probably not the loudest things in the world, for sure…
Mistress Blunt: It’s subtle. And she knows what you’re getting out of it?
Brian: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, definitely. Yes. It’s a little joke between us.
Mistress Blunt: I like that. And I also love those subtle things because they’re so sustainable and integrated into life. I don’t think that femdom or the architectural role of a dominatrix has to be this incredibly performative action. It can be something as simple as, “Hold this.” And just handing you a bag can transform you into that headspace.
Brian:Absolutely. And we also, and yeah, we also incorporate it sexually as well, which is a lot of fun.
Mistress Blunt: That’s awesome. It’s so fun to be able to find primary relationships that meet those needs or to feel like having those needs met isn’t so difficult.
Brian: Yeah, absolutely. A couple of relationships ago, I told myself that I was going to be open and just straight out of the gate with it: D/s and erotic hypnosis is something that I’m into.
Mixed results with that. Some people were not into it. Some people say they are and they aren’t, et cetera and so forth. But it’s definitely a healthy balance. And of course my partner has her own fetishes and interests. And we also play with and incorporate them all the time. And in a way, bringing her pleasure in that way… it’s like bottoming from the top.
Mistress Blunt: You’re service topping! Cute. I think there’s so many different ways to find sustainability, both in professional female-led relationships and in personal ones. And then I love the subtle, “Go get me breakfast.” That’s very cute. And I feel like it also just shows how subtle a manifestation of a femdom lifestyle can be.
I’m curious about when you were younger… what was your first realization or pause of, “Oh, shit. What I like is a little bit different than what I’ve been seeing. I’m really into women having control and total power exchange. I really want to submit to a woman.” What was that moment for you?
Brian: It was my first impulse.
Mistress Blunt: Before you breathed? Before I took my first breath, I knew I was meant to be at the feet of a superior woman.
Brian: It sounds nice when you put it like that. The very first thing, the very first memory I have of actively wanting something like this was hearing an older cousin of mine make a joke about how men are dumb or something like that. And then I remember thinking about how my dad got all flustered in a fake way. And I was like 12 at the time. So I went home and Googled or Ask Jeevesed: “Women making jokes about men.”
Mistress Blunt: Oh my god, that’s pretty spot on.
Brian: And you got a lot of “how many men did it take to install a light bulb” jokes. But eventually, I ended up in 1999, on a dominatrix’s website. And it was her story archive. She had a story section of her website. And it was the year 1999. And that led me to the erotic mind control, erotic hypnosis story archives.
And so that was my first experience with erotica. I know a lot of other men seek visual porn very early on… I didn’t really know what the other guys in my class were talking about. They were talking about watching sex with women and that sort of thing. And it was just another complete world to me. I felt a lot of guilt towards it. It took a while to work out of, but I did.
Mistress Blunt: Did you watch more traditional pornography as well? Or were you not interested in that or not have access to…
Brian: I’m sure I watched some at some point. But I was maybe 12… I would mainly buy Maxim. Looking at a woman in a bikini seemed more interesting to me than just a nude woman.
Mistress Blunt: The clothed female naked male (CFNM) highlighting their power. You needed the power dynamic in order for the erotic fantasy to fulfill.
Brian: Definitely. Yes.
Mistress Blunt: I was the same way. And I also have early Internet online chat room experiences where I would watch some visual porn, but I didn’t have the search terms to find the power dynamic I was looking for.
I didn’t have the terminology “human dildo”. I would just click around until I found, “Oh, she’s objectifying him.” I didn’t have that language either, but I’m like, “That’s hot.” I would watch the same clips over and over again. Or I would go into chat rooms, and just tease and deny older men. And it was like, “This is fun. I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m really turned on.”
Brian: That’s what so much of the 90s, early 00s Internet experience was: “I don’t know what’s going on here, but…”
Mistress Blunt: That’s how I would summarize it, really. The early 90s. Online for sure. And so you were reading erotic hypnosis stories, and I’m assuming that they had some element of femdom and power exchange and control? And what about that appealed to you then?
“It’s having attention without having the pressure of having to perform.”
Brian: The other thing I was also drawn to… I kept wanting to read Cosmo and Marie Claire. Because I kept wanting to read about women who were turned on. It was definitely an attention thing. The idea of objectification and the idea of wanting just to be near a woman who was aroused, but not be the
person in charge of that. It’s having attention without having the pressure of having to perform. I certainly could not have put it in those terms at that age, but looking back on it…
Mistress Blunt: There’s that idea of the older sister inviting you into the sleepover party, where you get to see this ritual that only the girls get to take part in. And you’re taken over by this feminine power.
Brian: That idea that, that, that was the thing I wanted the most back then. I would see girls talking and I’d be like, “What are they talking about?” Yeah. That certainly was a very big part of it. Yeah.
Mistress Blunt: And then from there, I also see the desire to please. Because how can you truly bring someone pleasure if you feel you’re unable to know what brings them pleasure or know what they’re whispering about? It was less about your erotic fantasies and more about a desire for the knowledge to be able to fulfill their erotic fantasies.
Brian: Exactly, yes, exactly.
Mistress Blunt: And that’s why women like me are great… because I’ll just tell you exactly what I want. There will be no questioning, truly. That’s hilarious. I love that you would read Marie Claire and Seventeen. Was it arousing for you? Or were you just… yeah, okay, I can tell by your face. So funny.
I have this very vivid memory from one of our sessions where you came over to see me before I was going on a date, and you had bought me this really beautiful gold necklace. And the scene was centered around cuckolding while Mommy cuckolds you before her date with this gold necklace that you’ve saved up your allowance to buy.
And verbalization is something that’s really big in our sessions… and repetition. And it was, “I bought you that necklace.” In the session, this sentence held so much power between us and you were just so happy you looked like you entered this totally ecstatic state. I would love it if you would talk a little bit about what that session was like for you.
Brian: Oh, I have such a great vivid memory of that session. I see it exactly. Thank you. Thank you, Mistress. And yeah, I love the way you put it as well. I remember you’d given me the assignment of picking out a piece of jewelry for you as opposed to just going on your wishlist and buying one.
So I just remember thinking, “Pressure’s on.” What a challenge to try to buy jewelry, and I low key always loved picking out jewelry. It probably connected to my earliest memory that day, which was picking out jewelry for my mom before going to synagogue every Saturday.
Mistress Blunt: Classic.
Brian: Classic, yeah. And I really wanted to try to capture your aesthetic. What I’ve always liked about serving service-oriented tasks for you has been being able to try to mold myself to your liking. It’s trying to fit myself in a Mistress Blunt-shaped mold. You’ve put down the parameters, and I have to squeeze my way into them and find a way through that and find the way to that. And having that insistence and having that almost sub drive to push myself into that position. It’s an energy I’ve always loved.
And I remember trying and looking at your wishlist and narrowing things down, “Alright, here are the designers I think she likes.” Just organizing it and breaking it down. I just like breaking things down into the core components and distilling it to what I think is most useful. I remember all the process of it. And I remember enjoying putting in all that effort and knowing that when I would present you the necklace, that there would be all this effort behind it.
Mistress Blunt: I feel that effort, too, is a really fun way to play with D/s relationships and kink dynamics… to have something that consensually goes beyond the bounds of a scene, that prepares you and gets you excited… to tease that excitement apart so it lasts a little bit longer. A little kinky foreplay. It’s really fun.
Brian: Yeah. It really, really was. And I remember taking it to work with me and leaving it on my desk for a couple of days just so I could take it right from work to your dungeon.
Mistress Blunt: Charge it on your desk with a little of your money-making capacities.
Brian: Exactly. Yeah. And I remember, “Oh, no one here knows that there’s a gold necklace here.” And it’s great. And that whole process of finding it and buying it and presenting it to you. And of course, I love the dynamic of: I’m working a lot because it makes me feel useful. And then the Domme not working…
Mistress Blunt: That’s amazing.
Brian: Yes, exactly.
Mistress Blunt: I remember when I sent you grocery shopping for me and I had no idea how much effort you put into it until you got there. And you’re like, “Alright, well I spent two days getting all of the objects and went to three different grocery stores… and I don’t have a car. So I have these two huge Ikea bags…”
Brian: Yes. Yes.
Mistress Blunt: You were in an erotic hypnosis daze by the time you even got to me. It is so fun to play with people who really enter that subspace and that erotic trance state of willingly offering their malleability, their desire to be played with.
Brian: Absolutely. Yes. Boy, getting those groceries was so much fun.
Mistress Blunt: It sounded really hard too.
Brian: It was really hard. Yes.
Mistress Blunt: You’re like, “Where the fuck do I get these figs?”
Brian: I just remember thinking, “You can figure it out. You can figure it out. You don’t have to take up her time about it.”
Mistress Blunt: You didn’t text me once. I was very impressed.
Brian: I wanted to handle it. I wanted to handle it all for you. And I remember going to Brooklyn… getting those slabs of meat and always being really good, high-quality.
Mistress Blunt: You’re like, “She has good taste. She’s going to eat these on her date.”
Brian: And just bringing them and bringing them to you and putting them all out on the island, I remember.
Mistress Blunt: It was like each thing that you put out, your breath changed. And I think it’s so interesting how something like going grocery shopping for someone can turn into this erotic, hypnotic, ritualistic process to induce subspace.
So it’s not necessarily this corporal scene where we’re using a bunch of toys, but we’re just playing with aspects of everyday life and teasing them apart. So the D/s relationship becomes the sole focus of attention. And then each time you place a grocery on the counter, it’s an element of submission. I just turned myself on saying that… I can’t even speak now.
But I think that’s a fun part of power exchange and how BDSM can transform everyday interactions that you take for granted without that ritualization.
Interesting. I’m interested, where does femdom or financial domination play into this for you?
Brian: That’s a good question. It’s a very, very good question.
Mistress Blunt: Maybe I should be an investigator.
Brian: Yeah. I mean, you would be great at it, but…
Mistress Blunt: I would get all the answers. Solve every case.
Brian: Absolutely. Yes.
Mistress Blunt: With unethical methods. Maybe I should stick to this. And roleplay.
Brian: I just started noticing a connection with my kink interests and financial domination. Eventually the erotic mind wound up there. I know I started looking more and more. I discovered NiteFlirt and eventually Dommes on NiteFlirt started talking a lot about financial domination. It started becoming one of the main things people were talking about.
And I got into it through erotic hypnosis, honestly. At times, the rush of it can really feel otherworldly. It could feel exhilarating. It can be an incredible dopamine rush. And that can then come, at times, with a hard crash.
It can be a very intense experience. It’s something that I have played with at times. It’s easy for me to get away from myself and push… especially online… push past what I thought was a good limit on things. And that can manifest itself more online, I think, than other places.
But I think at its best, it really just adds an element of power exchange and adds an element of direct contact. It can be a lot, a lot of fun to play with.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. I definitely agree. And I like thinking of it as a manifestation of total power exchange because the dopamine hit is fun, but I like play that’s sustainable.
Brian: Absolutely, that’s the thing.
Mistress Blunt: Sometimes people just want the dopamine, though. And who am I to deny them? (both laugh)
Brian: Absolutely. Yeah. And then it can be very easy. That’s a perfect way of framing it, honestly. Within the framework of a power exchange, within the framework for another thing… it can be an absolute blast. When it’s just a dopamine rush, it could also be a blast, but then you might have no money very soon.
Mistress Blunt: Right. It might have a real impact on your life that you weren’t intending. I feel like it’s not just financial domination, either. And I feel like sometimes financial domination gets this bad rep because it is so clearly this… especially online… it’s so clearly this rush of dopamine when you click the button to send.
But I do feel it’s the intention behind any activity.
Any activity can either be a path to transcendence or to doom and gloom. And it matters how you’re communicating, what your intention is behind clicking send. If your intentions are aligned. And if it’s not a sustainable intention, it’s not going to be sustainable!
I don’t necessarily think that that’s findom’s fault. You could be doing so many different things if you’re seeking that unsustainable high. Gambling is the same… with less stigma.
Brian: I agree a hundred percent. And so with financial domination, it’s easy to be complicit in your own rumination, which is part of the fun of it. That you were taking such an active role in the destroying. You get to be part of the fun, too. And not just taking something that the Domme gives. You’re giving, too.
You almost get to make yourself feel like the star of the show. Almost, “I’m sending this amount, I’m sending this amount.” And again, it can be very easy to take a lead role in the performance, so to speak, which can be a big dopamine rush.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. And it’s so interesting. I read a lot about the psychology of gambling and I think one statistic that I find really interesting is that every third interaction with a machine has to have a slightly positive gain to keep people at the machine and spending money. And I just think it’s really interesting.
You can literally hack emotions and responses based on psychology, and how the average person will likely react to this situation. And, as with anything, you can do that for something like gambling or marketing to extract money from people, or you can do it for something like getting people to wear their seatbelt while they’re driving or increasing the number of people who get a flu shot.
Mistress Blunt: Do you think there was anything that I missed or something that you’re interested in saying about your experience with me?
Brian: I’ve always enjoyed our power exchange. I’ve always enjoyed it so much. It has felt such a natural blossoming of just our interacting together. And I’m so incredibly glad I reached out to you and that I was able to save up for that.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. That’s something I want to talk about, actually. You saved up for a session with me. And so you’re someone who’s interested in financial domination, but who’s still in a financial position of saving up for a session, where it’s a special thing. And my rate is outside of a lot of budgets.
Would you talk a little bit about why it was something you felt was important to save up for? Because I feel people have this misconception that tech entrepreneur billionaires make up the majority of femdom clients when, in fact, a lot of it is working class folks. And I’ll also say working class folks tip the best because they’ve often worked in service industries before.
Brian: Yeah. Here’s to the working class subs out there.
Mistress Blunt: Cheers.
Brian: Yeah. I just remember seeing your online presence… reading your blog, reading your website, staring at your pictures just long enough. And I was like, “Alright, this woman will definitely blow your fucking mind. You’ve watched enough clips. This is something that you deserve to do for yourself.”
And also at that point, I was trying to gain more self-control and limit my spending in terms of financial domination. And making any effort to save, even for a thing, felt like a step in the right direction. Rather than just sending quick rush, quick rush, quick rush, quick rush. And then I would end up feeling not great at the end of that. And I thought I was really looking to break out of that pattern.
“This is something that you deserve to do for yourself.”
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. I like that. And I do think it’s that form of self-control that contributes to being a better submissive as well.
Brian: Absolutely. Absolutely. I know if I can control myself and control my actions, it’ll be easier for you to control me.
Mistress Blunt: Hot. That seems like a perfect place to end this interview. Make it easier. Next time, tune in for this submissive’s 10 easy steps to make it easier for your Mistress to control you.
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